The man kisses me and I just hop right on him like he’s the hottest new ride at Disneyland.

I find it rude to laugh at a man with a sword.

I had a dream about you. I thought together we could change the world, but you said you’d rather change the TV channel. But you were all talk, because you never even did that. So...

Nice dress. Take it off.

See?” she heard Shane yell at the kitchen. “She doesn’t stomp around like a cattle stampede!””Bite me, Collins! No bacon for you, either!

RésuméRazors pain you,Rivers are damp,Acids stain you,And drugs cause cramp.Guns aren’t lawful,Nooses give,Gas smells awful.You might as well live.

The police made sure he wasn’t dead. Then they killed him.

‘We’re not… we haven’t been writing poetry and sprinkling rose petals and tripping hand in hand under rainbows, Kay.’ ‘Just because you have Y chromosomes doesn’t mean you can’t tell each other how you feel,...

Despite the fact that an Indonesian island chicken has probably had a much more natural life than one raised on a battery farm in England, people who wouldn’t think twice about buying something oven-ready become...

My dreams are shaped like a cat, only furrier. And my love resembles a dolphin, only fishier.

She has great breasts,” the Colonel said without looking up from the whale.”DO NOT OBJECTIFY WOMEN’S BODIES!” Alaska shouted.Now he looked up. “Sorry. Perky breasts.””That’s not any better!

They came out in a dim, damp basement – a generic sort of place, full of moulding boxes. ‘You take me to the nicest places,’ Claire said, and sneezed.

So Nikki came aboard as Jaqueline’s spare cat, presumably in case our prime cat, Eliza, goes on vacation, takes industrial action, or requests a personal day.

Eat Bubblegum” dance, I can’t actually perform it because my belly doesn’t bulge out far enough. When I make love it sounds like I’m chewing on a chalkboard.

Chubi, rhymes with booby, which you don’t have, or doodie, which your face looks like,” she said smugly, leaning back and making her chair squeak.

world’s sexiest man” if the planet were populated entirely by my clones.

I’ll bet opening a store called Boobs and Books would increase literacy. I prefer a hands-on approach to learning.

Remember, man does not live on bread alone: sometimes he needs a little buttering up.

I’m not obliged to defend your dignity. Provided you have any.

Why is a man with a knife after your blood? Who sent him? I would like to write the fellow a letter of thanks!

Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that ‘You’ are not worth him/her.

Simplicity may be simple, but like complexity it requires linguistic precision, and may therefore call for relatively obscure expressions at times.

Happy Birthday.

Egg has the truth of it. Aerion’s quite the monster. He thinks he’s a dragon in human form, you know. That’s why he was so wroth at that puppet show. A pity he wasn’t born...

Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are a subject to a good many different ailments, but I have never heard of one who has suffered from insomnia.

Best to flee now, before the pitchforks and torches and scientists come calling.

I love like I’m thirsty. Can I offer you a tall glass of Sahara sand?

Hello, my name is Jaako and I am an addict. I am addicted to reading.

sobbing like a girl,” I guess so.

I pet my cat like a guitar, but I hold him like a stack of musical pancakes.

Ah ha!” the Doc screeched suddenly, wheeling around. “The salicylic acid! Maybe it SHOULD have been heated first!

I had a very funny and depressing talk with my seventy-four-year-old mother. I decided, she doesn’t have a bucket list – she has a kick-the-bucket list.

The point I was trying to make before you interrupted with your inventoryof my personality is that neither of us is going to be able to stay celibate for the next six months.”She dropped her...

A great deal of thought must be given to your daughter’s marriage. Otherwise, she will simply slink off like a cat on a dark night to be fertilized under a bush to God knows whom!

If I asked God to see into the future 50 years, and I couldn’t see myself, I wouldn’t assume I was dead. No, I’d assume I was simply hiding.

Today I tried to pick up something I was standing on. It didn’t work out well.

A sample may taste better than the whole, because it’s meant for a taste test, which is perceptually expected to garner favorable results. This is why I can’t give you all my love. Plus, you...

Free pyramids! Buy one, get one half buried.

The parasail’s winch turned, winding up the line, pulling Ally and Serena lower and closer to him in a steady pull. A funny feeling seized him as he watched her. Logically, he knew she kept...

Think I have made a terrible mistake going to college. Have decided to become a shepherd and spend my days tending to flocks of goats

I’m looking into my past lives. I’m convinced some of them still owe me money.

Justin, honey, you were my very first kiss. My very first hand to hold. But you were nothing more than an average guy. And I don’t say that to be mean- I don’t. There was...

I used to jog but it’s bad for the knees. Too much beta carotene turns you orange, too much calcium gives you kidney stones. Health kills.

I had a dream about you. We were standing next to each other, and a stranger asked for the time. My watch said 3:32, and yours said 3:33. I got concerned because somewhere I’d lost...

Clearly it’s not all that pacific on the Pacific Ocean

It’s the only way anything will change. Because we are both mother and child, cause and effect, villain and victim

Hindi ako naniniwala sa fate, destiny at soul mates. Ang mundo ay binubuo ng mga pangyayaring random na kaganapan. Bahala ka sa buhay mo.

Well, I certainly don’t,” said Percy sanctimoniously. “I shudder to think what the state of my in-tray would be if I was away from work for five days.” “Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in...

Are you any good at it?””Pulling idiots out of the snow? I’m the best.

Does it help if we’re so strong-willed, stubborn, ambitious, and selfish that we always overcome everything in our way no matter what?” asked Wang-mu.”I think those are the pertinent virtues, yes,” said Peter.”Then let’s do...