We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters.

To be ‘decimated’ means to lose a tenth of one’s population. I’ve lived in places where that’s just a busy Saturday night.

His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up.

Married?” she practically screeched, not sounding all that pleased, which left him feeling a little offended. “We’re not getting married.”He snorted at that. “I may have let you have your naughty little way with me...

Aging is about mind over matter – every year my matter drops another quarter inch below my mind.

My love for you would blot out the sun like a cloud made out of yogurt. I hope you brought a spoon.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come

It isn’t he who laughs last, but he whose laugh lasts.

I don’t think that taking off my eye patch would increase my night vision by 100%, but it would go a long way towards relieving my wedgie.

There was the smell of old books, a smell that has a way of making all libraries seem the same. Some say that smell is asbestos.

If you can’t be with the √-1 you love, love the √-1 you’re with.

My armpits are not only rank, but they’re ranked number one in customer satisfaction. Try them for free or your money back.

If fucking up is power, I should be the Hulk by now.

Some case officers drink to spy better. The best case officers spy to drink better.

I haven’t eaten all day.” You see, Jefferson truly reflected early America at that time. He was hungry, and I think you’ll find that most successful people are.

Myrnin was silent for a beat, and then he said, “Bob would be very disappointed in you.

Tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today” today. Prepare today and then tell them tomorrow.

Don’t just stand there with your Eiffel Tower smile. Tell me you love me, and tell me in French.

There is no cure for madness except the madness as the cure.

You are the night.””I am the night,” I repeated.”You are the night.”I cocked my head, sending him a questioning look. “I am the night?””Jane!””Why is it that when you say my name, it sounds like...

I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I wouldn’t exactly call you a tart. But then, I tend to be broad-minded.”She suppressed the urge to dump her porridge in his lap.

Sweet memories of youth. Swimming down at the swimming hole. Going fishing down at the fishing hole. Having sex down at the sex hole.

So I got a new job, and I start tomorrow. I’m excited to have a job, and bummed out I’m going to be working.

My philosophy is, don’t take no for an answer and be willing to sacrifice your entire project for freedom.

I’m not sure what ‘batting an eye’ means, but it sounds like it could be pretty fun.

My boxers should require batteries, because I’m such an exceptional lover that pizza delivery people call me for carry out. 30 minutes or less—as if!

I’ve been lucky-my looks haven’t put me into one category. I don’t look like a blue blood. I don’t look like a criminal. I don’t look like anything.

I have been stabbed, poisoned, shot, beaten, possibly raped, subjected to hypothermia, and drowned, but still I dress up as Rasputin every Halloween for the Orthodox orgy.

An actor shouldn’t undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you’re better off not knowing.

I’m not growing old for free. I’m charging myself with the task of becoming someone better every day. And by better I mean younger.

Sandwiches are wonderful. You don’t need a spoon or a plate!

As long as you are wearing a hat made out of shingles, you’ll always have a roof over your head.

If a problem is clearly stated, it has no further interest to the physicist.

I want to mass produce wretchedness. An unsatisfactory factory. Then I want to produce cologne and stench—at different ends of the production line. So it would be an olfactory factory.

If we’re mad, we’re mad in large numbers, at least larger than yours.

A brick could be put on the end of a scale, to determine if the other end of the scale holds a lie or the truth. (Hint: The truth is much heavier than a brick.)

Victoria’s got her secrets. Hey, so do I!

If you look up to see a shooting star, you might miss the silver dollar on the sidewalk. But no matter where you look, or where you travel, you’ll never get lost or arrive late...

If you’re stressing over happiness, you’re doing it wrong!

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

Aside from criminology, I’d say archaeology has the highest body count.

When you’re in love with two people, always choose the second. The fact that you are constantly thinking of the second person makes it obvious that the first will never fulfill you, unless the second...

We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in.

I eat soup with chopsticks—and straws. And I make love with the surgical precision of a sledgehammer.

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would probably say torture device.

I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.

I don’t know what weapons will be used in world war three, but in world war four people will use sticks and stones.