It’s hard to believe someone who walks around commanding so much attention with his acute cockiness, hard muscles, and tattoos would ever let someone like me bring him to his knees-and make no mistake, I...

If I had no penis, how would I pee? How would I make love? How would I think?

Why, hell no, I cannot.” I didn’t remember anything like this happening in Pride and Prejudice.

I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They’re like, ‘Who is this guy?’ And I’m like, ‘the end of your industry.

When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.

İki tip çocuk vardı: Biri sonuna kadar gözyaşlarına boğulmayı tercih eder, ama tabağındaki pırasayı yemeye mahkum olur. Diğeri ise ne yapacağını biliyordur. Küçük, anlaşılmayacak bir samimiyete indirgenmiş ani bir kusma refleksi ve patates kızartması beş...

Bücher haben Ehrgefühl. Wenn man sie verleiht, kommen sie nicht mehr zurück.

You look angry,” he said.”You put me on hold.””For a very good reason.””You put me,” she said very, very slowly, “on hold.

What do you think? Does this face make me look fat?

Words were his delight; Hers, a gay gracefulnessOf dancing and moving. But when to the place Of deep loving (Starlight at midnight)At last they came, Their full communion And consummation,Their complete sphere,Was stillness for her,Silence...

I’ve often wondered why more science textbooks don’t tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish, are dead prostitutes.

I think we need to discuss this upstairs.

Percy: I’ll walk down to the cabins and Connor and Travis are stealing stuff from the camp store, and Silena is arguing with Annabeth trying to give her a new makeover, and Clarisse is still...

I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion.

I may not always be right, but when I am, I admit it

A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

I’m almost finished,” said Wilhelm, wiping out a line with his sleeve and drawing over it.”I never doubted you for a moment,” said Vex, then looked at Aurora and spoke more softly. “I actually doubted...

Turner let his face fell into his hands. “I’m never going to touch her again”, he moaned. “He’s never going to touch me again!” they heard Miranda roar.”Well,it doesn’t look like you’ll have much argument...

It wasn’t until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I’m just behind the jokes.

An empty coffee cup is full of hope. Now there’s something worth voting for.

I’d like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you’re reading Sarah Palin.

Fang let out a low whistle. “Anyone know that Amazons could ride a giant bird?”Ethon gave him a duh stare. “Those of us who fought them, yeah, we know. How you think they keep kicking...

I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, “Family Size,” and I thought, That’s odd, I didn’t know too many families showered together.

..As always, she was carrying the washing. Rudy was carrying two buckets of cold water, or as he put it, two buckets of future ice.

Stay in the car Nick””okay.”Ash gets out abd goes to look at the dead body.”For an immortal being with 11,000 years under his belt Ash sure is stupid.” Nick gets out and sees the blood.”That’s...

33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins.

So who else did you convince?””Well, I got Joe to potty train himself, and then I convinced Anna to leave the kids at home and go with me on a vacation to Jamaica.”Roy laughed heartily....

Never grow up!

You know, I can’t wait for her to gets married because hell is made of fire and she said it would be frozen before she gots married again.” ~ Anna Kate

Just . . . that’s embarrassing for all of us,” he replied.

What we’ve got here is a lunatic genius ghost-in-the-computer monorail that likes riddles and goes faster than the speed of sound. Welcome to the fantasy version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy...

He’d done it like he did everything else—with passion and total disregard for how much it might embarrass her.

I’ve never been arrested. I’ve been stopped, searched and had a gun put to my head by the Chicago cops.

I got you a birthday present. The box is the exact same size as a coffin.

Macarena” and having a root canal performed by an angry, clumsy chimp.

Now defend what is ours, my partner.”He grinned … grinned! … and whirled to meet Myrnin in midleap as Myrnin attacked.

I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.

Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn’t have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by...

Asia is an entertainment, Europe is a dream, America is an imprisonment and Rest is a nightmare.

I would have been a black belt in Karate much sooner, but the store was sold out of Sharpie markers.

I have heard stories that it was love at first sight for both of us, that we disappeared to a guest room at Merle’s house, had our meals sent up, and didn’t emerge for several...

He’d never been shy, but he’d always been a little uncertain around girls. He just couldn’t believe they liked him.

The brain can be a dangerous thing. Even more so if you haven’t got one.

Anything worth doing’ is a problematic premise.

That definitely wouldn’t help your getting over me.

I am the bathtub of love, but all Agatha ever wanted was a shower.

It’s a moot point whether your ass needs kicking, if kicking needs your ass.

I like Spike Lee a lot. He’s incredibly gifted and I don’t think he gets the credit he deserves as a filmmaker.

If we spoke with our ears, and listened through our mouth, then a kiss might be the most romantic sound in the world.