I make an H2O alternative with my armpits. I left you a ten-gallon sample in your car, as a going away gift.

My armpits are not only rank, but they’re ranked number one in customer satisfaction. Try them for free or your money back.

I put my deodorant on like I’m painting my armpits with a paintbrush. Art is everywhere and in everything—especially love.

Freedom tastes like strawberries, vanilla, and blueberries. And it smells like my armpits. Huff it up, America.

If I could make money making armpit farts, I would. But since I can’t, I teach. And write.