I may not always be right, but when I am, I admit it

I’m almost finished,” said Wilhelm, wiping out a line with his sleeve and drawing over it.”I never doubted you for a moment,” said Vex, then looked at Aurora and spoke more softly. “I actually doubted...

Little bit,” she said.

Turner let his face fell into his hands. “I’m never going to touch her again”, he moaned. “He’s never going to touch me again!” they heard Miranda roar.”Well,it doesn’t look like you’ll have much argument...

An empty coffee cup is full of hope. Now there’s something worth voting for.

I think it’s interesting.

I’d like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you’re reading Sarah Palin.

I saw a bottle of conditioner the other day that said, “Family Size,” and I thought, That’s odd, I didn’t know too many families showered together.

There are several theories on sex and all of them are lies.

..As always, she was carrying the washing. Rudy was carrying two buckets of cold water, or as he put it, two buckets of future ice.

33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins.

You should get a better boyfriend. One with an IQ higher than a turnip.

So who else did you convince?””Well, I got Joe to potty train himself, and then I convinced Anna to leave the kids at home and go with me on a vacation to Jamaica.”Roy laughed heartily....

You know, I can’t wait for her to gets married because hell is made of fire and she said it would be frozen before she gots married again.” ~ Anna Kate

I’m going to strip my way through plumber’s school. What do you think of the stage name Fine-Ass Frankie?

Just . . . that’s embarrassing for all of us,” he replied.

At least one way of measuring the freedom of any society is the amount of comedy that is permitted, and clearly a healthy society permits more satirical comment than a repressive, so that if comedy...

I don’t view myself as a political leftie. I view myself as a storyteller who is fair to both sides.

He’d done it like he did everything else—with passion and total disregard for how much it might embarrass her.

I got you a birthday present. The box is the exact same size as a coffin.

There’s the theory that nudity doesn’t really make something sexy; the characters and their relationship make it sexy.

Macarena” and having a root canal performed by an angry, clumsy chimp.

I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.

Never give up hope! If you do, you be dead already.

Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn’t have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by...

I would have been a black belt in Karate much sooner, but the store was sold out of Sharpie markers.

I don’t do rectal, and I won’t use anything that involves an ass.

I have heard stories that it was love at first sight for both of us, that we disappeared to a guest room at Merle’s house, had our meals sent up, and didn’t emerge for several...

The brain can be a dangerous thing. Even more so if you haven’t got one.

Dad says there are more than three thousand letters in the Japanese alphabet, which could pose a problem. There are only twenty-six letters in the English alphabet, and I get into enough trouble with them...

Anything worth doing’ is a problematic premise.

I am the bathtub of love, but all Agatha ever wanted was a shower.

How art thou out of breath when thou hast breathTo say to me that thou art out of breath?

It’s a moot point whether your ass needs kicking, if kicking needs your ass.

If we spoke with our ears, and listened through our mouth, then a kiss might be the most romantic sound in the world.

Ish #109 “If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You’ll get there quicker.

Secret 318040. You can’t plug a leak without getting your fingers wet.

Gay Sex Three, Straight Sex Nil

Laughter is the only medicine, without side effects.

If by ‘about’ you mean ‘in a circle around,’ then yes, we’re doing something about the problem.

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!

Hey, princess of Popsicles! Queen of curlicue cones.

Motivational Secret of the Week: Aim for the stars – even if you miss, you may hit an executive producer.

I have a container full of yelling I keep in my kitchen. It makes a great cleaning product, as it’s wonderfully abrasive.

“Surely you have considered terrorist activity?”There was another pause. Then the spokesman said, in the quiet tones of someone who has had enough and who is going to quit after this and raise chickens somewhere,...

I believe the examination of body image issues is important and valuable – particularly the swimsuit issue.

I know that man started animal husbandry thousands of years ago, and I think it’s disgusting. Men and animals should never be allowed to marry. Or have sex. And maybe not even engage in necking,...

Maybe when I’m 75 and living in the south of France, after everyone I want to bitch about is already dead, then I may want to talk about my life in Hollywood.

Wait, you said ‘carry-on’ items? Not ‘carrion’ items? In that case, no, I don’t have any.

I would give you all my love, but I’m afraid I’d get nothing in return. And coming from you, nothing is simply much more than I want.