The 50-50-90 rule: anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.

I’ve learned …. That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don’t clean it up too quickly.” ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

We all ought to understand we’re on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn’t do kids any harm for a few years but it isn’t smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for...

The Christmas tree is a symbol of love, not money. There’s a kind of glory to them when they’re all lit up that exceeds anything all the money in the world could buy.

I’d be more willing to accept religion, even if I didn’t believe it, if I thought it made people nicer to each other but I don’t think it does.

The best Christmas trees come very close to exceeding nature. If some of our great decorated trees had been grown in a remote forest area with lights that came on every evening as it grew...

Christians talk as though goodness was their idea but good behavior doesn’t have any religious origin. Our prisons are filled with the devout.

I don’t differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.

I just wish this social institution [religion] wasn’t based on what appears to me to be a monumental hoax built on an accumulation of customs and myths directed toward proving something that isn’t true.

One question in my mind, which I hardly dare mention in public, is whether patriotism has, overall, been a force for good or evil in the world. Patriotism is rampant in war and there are...

It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it’s not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a...

I’ve learned …. That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

It’s just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing it.