So weenybeenyveenyteeny.

Most propositions and questions, that have been written about philosophical matters, are not false, but senseless. … (They are of the same kind as the question whether the Good is more or less identical than...

Can’t you see that I’m only advising you to beg yourself not to be so dumb?

PROOF-READER, n. A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.

Larry Bird looks like a bird, and Johnny Vagina looks like—hey, what is that in the sky?

Do they make chin straps with knives attached? If they do, I need one. You can never have too much safety—especially when falling in love today requires wearing a helmet.

Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time low price of $77,777.77. Offer valid for emotional invalids only.

Michael Phelps collects huhs. Huh? His mouth said nothing, but his actions said it all.

My favorite unit of time is the hour, because I collect them and store as many as 10 new and unused ones each night to use after I’m dead. The best time to make love...

I wake up to write stuff down all night. Useful things like this: To more efficiently make love nocturnally, I must combine the best characteristics of bats, bears, and my Uncle Norman who disappeared in...

To make my meal in a box taste better, I decided to tweak the logo, rather than the ingredients.

There’s so much nonsense tossed around about L.A. and how horrible it is and ‘don’t go out there’ and all that stuff. So I went out to L.A. and I was pleasantly surprised.

The Mad Gardener’s SongHe thought he saw an Elephant, That practised on a fife:He looked again, and found it was A letter from his wife.’At length I realise,’ he said, ‘The bitterness of Life!’He thought...

We’ll have to see,” Belbo said. He rummaged in his drawer and took out some sheets of paper. “Potio-section…” He looked at me, saw my bewilderment. “Potio-section, as everybody knows, of course, is the art...

They keep telling us that in war truth is the first casualty, which is nonsense since it implies that in times of peace truth stays out of the sick bay or the graveyard

It’s not if, but when I’ll if on you that matters. How does Tuesday at noon sound?

She grew broccoli, and I grew dentures. We were perfect for each other. Our love disappeared into each other like a box of toothpicks.

I had a dream about you. We were standing next to each other, and a stranger asked for the time. My watch said 3:32, and yours said 3:33. I got concerned because somewhere I’d lost...

It’s hot as a watermelon in this cantaloupe called pineapple. And that’s a fact.

Licorice stops erections at the source—the crotch. It also helps against certain poisons, like love.

My bed’s comforter is yellow. It has to be to hide all the melted butter stains. I make love like microwave popcorn—only in half the time!

I talked to him on Christmas, and again on March 5th. Neither one of us hung up the phone that whole time.

Natural rights, nonsense; natural and imprescriptible rights, rhetorical nonsense, elevated nonsense, nonsense going on stilts.

A sensible speaker is a slave to making sense.

When things don’t add up, either you don’t have a calculator or you forgot to use commonsense by simply asking.

I unwrapped my love for her like one might unwrap leftovers. Gotta eat up the old stuff first, as a cannibal might say in a retirement home.

I called Phil up, but I didn’t call Phillip. He hung up on me, and I’m still hung up about that. To make things right I might just call Phillip and hang up.

Love makes sense to me in the same way that this statement might make sense to you: Parakeets flock like sheep flock like wool covers your eyes like a bald kidnap victim willingly locked in...

Dream headline from Orafouraville Times: Man Let Go By Employer, Falls To Death

I stand six feet back when meeting new people. And before they can step to me and extend their arm for a handshake, I drop down like I’m doing pushups, and extend my right hand....

I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.

Nonsense is that which does not fit into the prearranged patterns which we have superimposed on reality…Nonsense is nonsense only when we have not yet found that point of view from which it makes sense.

Here, and it goes on to appear now, she comes, a peacefugle, a parody’s bird, a peri potmother, a pringlpik in the ilandiskippy, with peewee and powwows in beggybaggy on her bickybacky and a flick...

But then, not long after, in another article, Loftus writes, “We live in a strange and precarious time that resembles at its heart the hysteria and superstitious fervor of the witch trials.” She took rifle...

NONE OF THIS NONSENSE, PLEASE

How many hours are there in a mile? Is yellow square or round? Probably half the questions we ask-half our great theological and metaphysical problems-are like that.

Quick! Hide under my 3:33 am, but don’t pet my 3:33 pm.

Some people will make nonsense excuses to avoid things they have no interest in doing.

In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense.

On the frozen tundra, I milked a cow and pumped out ice cream. Strangely, it had chunks of strawberries in it.

I want to wow you with my loudness. I wish I could turn down your job offer, because it’s hurting my ears.

I had a dream about you. We almost made love in the produce section of your local grocery store, but when I asked if you brought protection, you told me you’d forgotten the coupons at...

It’s 3:32, and I need just one more ingredient to finish baking 3:33. Would you prefer the AM or the PM piece?

The greatest sense is indistinguishable from the greatest nonsense.

To finish a work? To finish a picture? What nonsense! To finish it means to be through with it, to kill it, to rid it of its soul, to give it its final blow the...

I keep hearing about a spiritual awakening, but I feel what we need instead is a human one. It would be wonderful and empowering to become free from the disillusionment and nonsense being sold to...

I must say the idea of a United Africa was nonsense.

I’d rate myself five stars, and those stars would all be fish. My review was of how well I walked on the beach.

With 87 other Elvis impersonators, I’m going to take over the world. Starting with Vegas. We will gyrate our hips out of love, and to end world hunger.

When I turn thirty, in thirty days or so, I might be feeling old, so I’ll probably call my grandma up, because as old as I’ll feel, she’ll be feeling older. Twelve years older.