The homeland might be lacking snakes, but it held its share of venom.

I find her anecdotes more efficacious than sheep-counting, rain on a tin roof, or alanol tablets…. you will find me and Morpheus, off in a corner, necking.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Another one of your quippy japes?

As women glide from their twenties to thirties, Shazzer argues, the balance of power subtly shifts. Even the most outrageous minxes lose their nerve, wrestling with the first twinges of existential angst: fears of dying...

I had an uneventful few days,” it told her. “The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the headmaster on taking our studies seriously. He said next year’s exam will arrive sooner than we...

It’s a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don’t you think?””It does much more that that,” Valkyrie said, opening up a game and showing it to him.His eyes widened. “What...

Why do we have to humiliate someone to crack a joke??? Do what u would like people to do with u..

Today as always, men fall into two groups: slaves and free men. Whoever does not have two-thirds of his day for himself, is a slave, whatever he may be: a statesman, a businessman, an official,...

He’ll be gorgeous.

I had done either too much coke or too little, a constant problem in my life.

Time flies when you grow fangs and fur.

People soon get tired of things that aren’t boring, but not of what is boring.

Maxim 36: When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries

I don’t understand humans.” Caradoc shook his head. “It takes their brightest minds decades to plan an unmanned voyage to the nearest planet, which can take a year to travel each way. Yet they expect...

Love is relentless, and so am I 😉

The camp offices stood in the centre, adjoining the shrine to Jupiter that held the legion’s Eagle. In the camps of the Vth Macedonica and the VIth Ferrata, these buildings were of grey stone, dressed...

I am a writer, I’m supposed to be intense and emotional,

Losing your parent at a tender age is like losing everything thing. The love, care, support and what have you. It only takes determination, strong will and the love, care and support from others to...

Absurd laughter is a kind of protest against an absurd existence.

Maybe you could be mine / or maybe we’ll be entwined / aimless in this sexless foreplay.

CUSTOMER (to her friend): What’s this literary criticism section? Is it for books that complain about other books?

I need a light” / You’re in Karachi now / Oh, oh you’re in Karachi now. / Night is falling and you just cant see / Is this illusion or KESC / You’re in Karachi...

My mortgage isn’t getting any cheaper and I can’t run that Ferrari on faith alone,” Reverend Jones said. “Don’t get me wrong, the Big Man upstairs does what he can but I’ve never once seen...

Some people wake up fast. Some people wake up slow. I wake up dead.

People are all exactly alike. There’s no such thing as a race and barely such a thing as an ethnic group. If we were dogs, we’d be the same breed. George Bush and an Australian...

I’ve had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick.

Hals und Beinbruch, Saukerl.

I got swirling eyes and the capacity to shatter windows with my bare voice. Tod got teleportation and invisibility. The supernatural world is so far from fair.

His relationship with illness was flirtatious; only a particularly attractive ailment could tempt him into bed.

Sadie gave her head an exaggerated scratch. ‘Don’t come too close if you know what’s good for you, these nits are on steroids.

I ache to swim again. Walking’s for mammals.

To write your dreams of fantasy, is to create fantasy in another’s dreams

Luis is right there.” I point to the corner of the yard, where my little brother is the centre of attention doing imitations of barnyard animals. I have yet to inform him that talent isn’t...

I’m a damsel, I’m in distress, I can handle this. Have a nice day!

It’s August, which means Congress is on recess and Mitch McConnell has shimmied back into the ocean to seek a mate.

… a man aint so different from a horse or a mule, come long come short, except a mule or a horse has got a little more sense.

Anyone who says “Trust me” is the last motherfucker you should ever trust.

According to Festus, our flying table, Buford, made it back safely while we were in Charleston, so those eagles didn’t get him. Unfortunately, he lost the laundry bag with your pants.””Dang it!” Frank Barked, which...

Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead.

He had also spent a day and a half without sleep trying to start an online petition to bring back the advert for Nationwide Building Society which said Dunroamin, twice, but half the through the...

Big surprise, I put you to sleep. Don’t feel bad. It happens all the time.

Everyone assumes writers spend their time lounging around, writing and occasionally striking a pose whilst having a think.

This may be my only chance to see humans before these two are made into fertilizer for Moonwind’s rosebushes.

I don’t know who you are; you could be an axe murderer for all I know. How am I supposed to trust you and follow you? For that matter, follow you where?” Gabe inquired.”Search yourself,...

There are times, Kruppe murmurs, when celibacy born of sad deprivation becomes a boon, nay, a source of great relief.

In the murk ahead of them a pair of blazing torches indicated the entrance to the forum, with a pair of sentries standing guard in front of the high archway. Before the tribune had any...

He was a philosopher, if you know what that was.’‘A man who dreams of fewer things than there are in heaven and earth,’ said the Savage promptly.‘Quite so…

I was afraid these new shoes would not be sturdy enough.

Inconvenience in progress, work is regretted.