I’ll go,” he said.”And that’s safer because?””I’m a guy.””Right, and having a pair of dingle balls makes you invincible how?

That craptastical, gutless, son-of-a-cactus-humping butt monkey!!

I need to be casual but not too casual. Dressy but not too dressy. I need him to think I just threw on the first thing I found and that I’m not taking this too...

I had to admit it was adorable. You know, in a unicorns-farting-out-rainbows kind of way that made me want to hurl.

Earthquakes just happen. Tornadoes just happen. Your tongue does not just happen to fall into some other girls mouth!

She went in the pool,” she finished for me. “Ohmigod. She was killed while tweeting. It was Twittercide!