It’s not that I want to work for Williams-Sonoma, per se, it’s just that you guys have the money and I don’t.

Damoder climbed slowly to his feet. ‘Buy lot!’ he wheedled, ‘I am poor man. I sell you cheap. I am bank-Rupert! Apparently the only things that could save him from bank-rupertcy were our dollars.

Hi. I’m here to enlist.You can’t. You aren’t human.You see, little fella, we don’t do sociological stuff like “interspeciated workplaces.” We’re a crack company of space mercenaries. We do “hurting people” and “breaking things.”Sounds like...

She was nothing more than a mere good-tempered, civil and obliging Young Woman; as such we could scarcely dislike her — she was only an Object of Contempt

If i believe my truth is true and you believe your truth is true,what if my truth says yours is a lie.is it still true?

I don’t believe this,” Diesel said. “It just gets worse and worse. Bad I enough I have to play cupid to a butcher, button maker and veterinarian…now have to be sex therapist for a guy...

Susan hardly had begun to slow down when Tera appeared from between a couple of buildings and loped over to the car. I leaned forward, opened the door, and she got into the backseat. I...

Because any other female would!

If every vampire who said he was at The Crucifixion, was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock . . .

I looked at the stained-glass image of the lamb in the window above me, but that only reminded me that lambs are famous for being led to slaughter, or sometimes hanging out with lions in...

Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. “Right. It’s just that… He died. And I’m so freaking pissed off, I swear I’d punch him in the face if he were standing right here.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

I have a phonetic fetish. All I want is to find a man whose last name ends in ‘Vrski’ and marry him. Try saying VRSKI. Oh, don’t be a tight-ass. SAY IT. Don’t you love...

When would he learn that women never stayed where you put them?

The awful part of the writing game is that you can never be sure the stuff is any good.

I’m not a detective from Baker Street or an old lady who solves crimes while she’s knitting in an easy chair. I’m just a book girl. So I can’t make a deduction, only take a...

Nonsense, this is my home and I must defend it. It’s time for Santa to get serious.

Humanity, let us say, is like people packed in an automobile which is traveling downhill without lights at terrific speed and driven by a four-year-old child. The signposts along the way are all marked ‘Progress.

America takes her writers too seriously.

Mrs. P., if you value your life, you’ll go back inside and turn off the light right now.

May a man live well-, and long-enough, to leave many joyful widows behind him.

Maybe.

Formerly these harsh cells in which the discipline of the prison leaves the condemned to himself were composed of four stone walls, a ceiling of stone, a pavement of tiles, a camp bed, a grated...

Rockabye Baby, in the treetopDont you know a treetopis no safe place to rock?And who put you up there,and your cradle too?Baby,I think someone down herehas got it in for you!

Whoever thou art that, not content with a moderate condition, imaginest happiness in royal magnificence, and dreamest that command or riches can feed the appetite of novelty with perpetual gratifications, survey the Pyramids, and confess...

I was emotionally erect.

FEAR stands for fuck everything and run.

I get my share of mud flung my way, but the secret is to dance in the rain and the mud will wash away.

Morning, noon & bloody night,Seven sodding days a week,I slave at filthy WORK, that mightBe done by any book-drunk freak.This goes on until I kick the bucket.FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT

Whatever, crazy chick who maybe lives here and maybe also breaks into Michael’s house when they’re all gone. I’m out. Have a nice delusion. -Shayne

Stone me, what a life!

Actually, we have a lot of traditions for that. You’ll find out

If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contract…– Rhett

Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they’d seen the need for gods as the sort...

AAaargwannawannaaaagongongonaargggaaaaBLOON!” which is the traditional sound of a very small child learning that with balloons, as with life itself, it is important to know when not to let go of the string. The whole point...

I fended them off as best I could while trying to shield my eyes but, tragically, I’d left my flamethrower in my other suit.

…Recognising, as I do, that you are the second highest expert in Europe–“”Indeed, sir! May I inquire who has the honour to be the first?” Asked Holmes, with some asperity.”To the man of precised, scientific...

I don’t believe in ghosts but they blindly believe in me

Someone once told me that we move when it becomes less painful than staying where we are”.

Smile and make someone’s day better

It’s never too late to change, unless you’re already fully undressed

A man when he is making up to anybody can be cordial and gallant and full of little attentions and altogether charming. But when a man is really in love he can’t help looking like...

I welcome reviews from all readers. I take criticism well; but please . . . no comments on my author face!

His manhood sways briefly, then comes to a standstill.

Everybody does have a book in them, but in most cases that’s where it should stay.

Is that what those were?” Gerry blithely replied.

In his autobiography Stravinsky relates that the first music he remembers was made by a peasant, working his hand in his armpit to produce a rhytmic farting.

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.

Are you sure this is a good idea?’ I ask.‘No,’ says Amber. ‘Let’s do it.

I’m sorry,” he muttered. “If I… uh, hurt your feelings or something.” She glared at him. “I’m not hurt. I’m pissed off and sexually frustrated.” His head snapped back on his spine. Well… then. Okaaaaay.