Life is an unfinished art, few master it, most just bark.

What is the meaning of life?” asked man.”Seek and ye shall find,” said God. “That was my method.”The man replied, “How might I do that?””Take a setting,” instructed God. “Add some dirt and water, mold...

it will be generally found that the popular joke is not true to the letter, but is true to the spirit. The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the...

Honest to God, she was the noisiest woman he’d ever been shot at with.

Welcome to your new bodies, gentlemen. If you’d like, I can help you start your owm ‘dysmorphia is all in your head’ support group.-Doctor Bunnigus

I’ve done this sort of thing before. Not prophecies so much, but you’d be surprised how many people want to realign their ancestral lines to seem nobler, or rewrite their family history to remove more...

If he were a man of strong mind, it only gave him fits; but a person of mere average intellect it usually sent mad.

My philosophy in life is to eat, drink and investigate – in that order.

All I could determine was that it must have been a nice thing to see if it was a house you were thinking about moving into. But not so nice if it was the house...

Yves. You are goint to love him all over again when you meet him, believe me. You’re married.’ ‘I’m what? But I can’t be more than eighteen!’ ‘My son is very persuasive,’ said Saul proudly.

You can’t believe everything people tell you – not even if those people are your own brain.

transformed” her into a cheerleader by the end of the show. I was just wondering: what if she liked field hockey better?

Cordelia: I personally don’t think it’s possible to come up with a crazier plan.Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus.Cordelia: I stand corrected.Oz: Just keeping things in perspective.

I’m so sorry. I think I’m just tired.” The socially accepted excuse for being mental.

…and specimens like this confirmed there had been some kind of divine rule in the universe because no natural selection process was up to the task of creating something like him. This was some god’s,...

Maturity.” My dad backed out of the room and closed the door.

I’d use the term ‘suck’ sparingly around me. Don’t want to go planting ideas in my pretty, dead head.”I threw a pillow at her.

He realised he was in a chair. The world was white and blurry in half his vision, and it took him a few moments to realise a sheet of paper was stuck to his face.

A pair of young mothers now became the centre of interest. They had risen from their lying-in much sooner than the doctors would otherwise have allowed. (French doctors are always very good about recognizing the...

Hey a rant. Haven’t done one of those in a while. S’good to stretch out the Longevitus Ranticus section of the brain once in a while, otherwise you just become passive and might even- god...

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman

A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying what you bought yesterday.

Step up to red alert.”Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.” – Rimmer & Kryten, “Red Dwarf

Did you slip in some cheese? Did it make you hate cheese, which you had previously loved? Why not sue a cheese-maker? Sue him for all the cheese he’s got, drive him out of the...

The Professor doesn’t have a problem being called Dick? If my name was Richard, I’d go by Richard or Rich . . . not Dick. Hell, I’d even settle for being called Chard.

Laziness always wins.

Mitt Romney’s email was hacked! So if you start getting messages that sound like they’re from a bot, he’s fixed the problem.

What would your shoes say about the things you do everyday?

This faulty light fitting at the front door with the dangerously flickering bulb looks rather festive. Who says I don’t do Christmas?

So Beckendorf was pretty popular?” Leo asked. “I mean-before he blew up?

Do not fall in love…..it means you have to look at someone else.

Beetroot Cossins had moved to Kuala Lumpur where she had died of lethargy and pie.

Isn’t he cute? That he thinks he has a sense of humour?

Only a man with nothing to hide could make that kind of racket.

Im.’ The monosyllable was heavy with contempt. ‘’E’s a twat.’‘Is he?’‘Yeah, ’e is. Ask Kieran.’She gave the impression that she and Kieran stood together, sane, dispassionate observers of the idiots populating Lula’s world.

It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,” he said. “Have you thought of going into teaching?

Good character is Beauty

If you want a man who’s commited, go look in a mental hospital.

Are you pair mad? You pitch up as if you own the place, and then you offer to relieve me of two centuries’ worth ofequipment?’ He glared across the wooden expanse at Marcus and Qadir....

Oh my God. Party punch. He’d brought a woman with the social age of twelve to the Citadel. He deserved everything he got.

Lord Carradice managed to look wicked, smug, and saintly, all at the same time.

Has no one done my son a service and assassinated you yet?” “No assassins yet,” Wit said, amused. “I guess I’ve already got too much ass sass of my own.”…”Oh really, Wit” she said. “I...

Oh, I can never get enough. Which, incidentally, is what your sister said when–

Always recycle wasted time

What an absurdity to go and bury oneself in South America, where they are always having revolutions.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more...

Secrets are dangerous.” Gottfried Baumauer.

This has serveral consequences, starting with screwing over most cryptography algorithms–translation: all your bank account are belong to us–

No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed.

It was getting very clear then (and during this week Riseholme naturally thought of nothing else) that Lucia designed a longer residence in the garish metropolis than she had admitted. Since she chose to give...