I keep an outfit of my baby clothes on a hanger in my closet. It hangs there like a heretical, anorexic midget. I do this to increase my chances of getting laid (wet baloney is...

third wheel,” I rode my tricycle to the restaurant where they were having their first date. I didn’t bring my wallet, so I hope they don’t mind paying for my dinner too. Ah, but that’s...

She had hit rock-bottom. She had given a blow job to a man who for all intents and purposes, was a bum. He had smelled so bad, she forced him to spray on some of...

Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, “You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood.

Did I hear God call me an idiot?

and i’m thinking, aren’t i supposed to be the one who’s freaking out here? tiny is going to be the first b-b-b- (i can’t do it) boy-f-f-f (c’mon, will) boyf-boyf (here we go) boyfriend of...

It’s like a meatloaf.

I’m an extreme athlete. I’m into cuddling. I wonder if Red Bull would sponsor me.

We danced together. We didn’t look graceful, but how could we? She only had one leg and I had my eyes on her friend the whole night. Sure, her friend couldn’t dance either, and literally...

Jason glanced at the creature. It remained the same distance away as before, still as a statue.”What do you want?” Jason asked.No answer.”Are you the thing that followed Tark? You should keep following him. He’s...

Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.

They intend to make people’s very appetites the next weapon of uncountable destruction. They intend that your people will lust themselves into oblivion in front of little boxes of changing light. Addictive light. A light...

…you’ll see, he said, they’ll go back to dividing everything up among the priests, the gringos and the rich, and nothing for the poor, naturally, because they’ve always been so fucked up that the day...

Cam’s wings were so bright they were almost blinding as they pulsed. “Holy Hell,” Callie whispered, blinking.”More or less,” Arriane said

I’m stranded. Come pick me up. I’ll be dressed like a hooker and standing on the corner. There’s a discount if you get here in 30 minutes or less.

It’s sad. What do you do?

You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.It’s really funny.

Let us find the dam snack bar,” Zoe said. “We should eat while we can.”Grover cracked a smile. “The dam snack bar?”Zoe blinked. “Yes. What is funny?””Nothing,” Grover said, trying to keep a straight face....

I broke up with this girl, and they put me with a psychiatrist who said, ‘Why did you get so depressed, and do all those things you did?’ I said, ‘I wanted this girl and...

Why’s it so sunny?” she repeated.Zooey observed her rather narrowly. “I bring the sun wherever I go, buddy,” he said.

Maybe because you’re thinking right now that my tractor’s sexy.” Colby winked at her. Emma’s face turned a shade of beet red, and she threw her arms up in the air frustratedly. “Ugh! Can you...

Granddaddy Cove, it’s where all the lost hugs are. I know where the treasure is buried, and I’ll take you there for a small finder’s fee.

I know how to handle a sword, a gun, and a kangaroo pouch stuffed with marshmallows. You should fear me.

Oh, she went to some trouble there.” But no, when I wear a scarf it means “this grey blouse was unwrinkled and those mocha pants make my behind look fine and voila I have a...

You’re a stalker with hooves.””I am not! I followed her to the Big House and hid in a bush and watched the whole thing.

My beard grows down to my toes,I never wears no clothes,I wraps my hairAround my bare,And down the road I goes.

My tears are salty. I shouldn’t eat potato chips while drinking my Cry Water, because it only makes me thirstier for your love.

He leaned forward to inspect her closer. “Is that all hair?”… Sudden, overwhelming panic clawed up Cress’s throat. With a squeak, she ducked out of view of the camera and scrambled beneath the desk. Her...

Finding a life partner is like choosing a bed. You need one as a friend either in times of health or sickness. Freshness or weariness. Happiness or sadness. And we can be certain that we’ve...

I think guns would be more effective if bullets worked like boomerangs.

College is a different scene than it was ten years ago. It used to be all about sex and drugs. Now it’s all about texting and fast food.

Okay,” I said. “Just a normal afternoon and two normal people.”She nodded. “And so…hypothetically, if these to people likes each other, what would it take to get the stupid guy to kiss the girl, huh?””Oh…”...

If all it takes to motivate you is a quote then this quote has nothing to say – except to go soar with the freakin’ eagles.

She asked for soup, and I served her cereal. Our love was in the breakfast stage.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

When Grant Blue reaches me, he bends his head down close enough that I can smell the soap and promise on his skin. Clean living and popularity—It’s quite the aftershave, let me tell you. If...

Too much coffee has been spilled in the name of war. Let us love and savor every drop.

James had been acting a little weird. After waking up yesterday, he’d been a little bit distant. It might just be the stress of the trip. It was probably hard on James to be in...

Before I could lose my courage, I said, “Don’t I get a kiss for luck? It’s kind of a tradition, right?”I figured she would punch me. Instead, she drew her knife and stared at the...

What were you saying about the way I smell?” “It’s like hot testosterone on a fuckin’ cracker, sprinkled with cinnamon.” ~Mariss

Just because your plate is empty, doesn’t mean your stomach is full. Same with love. Where’s the Romance Buffet?

It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.

One giant leap, followed by one small step.

Maybe is the lovechild of No and Yes. We should make love. I’ll be the No, you’ll be the Yes, and maybe I won’t call the cops but will call you again sometime.

Go tell your father about it.”They leave. I inhale the lavender mist. Slather bubbles over my skin. Five more minutes … And, next time, I shall lock the door.

Oh, Hazel is awesome,” Don Said. “She’s so nice! All the other campers are like ‘Go away Don.’ But she’s like ‘Please go away, Don.’ I love her!

I want my life to be about LIVING, not leaving –which is why I’m LEAVING nothing behind.

To get more liquids in my diet, I’ve started eating more soup and cereal. Anything that’s watered down, including my relationship.

Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused...

I am the parking garage of love, but sadly I’m empty at the moment. It’s cheaper if you pay for a whole week, rather than by the hour.