It may be escapist, but if I have a choice between watching the news or reading a book which gets me to see the world through different eyes, I will always choose the latter!

The massive lump of flesh that has created you, me, and maybe, animals, everything that has life will forever live.

It’s possible that I couldn’t handle the truth, but I sure wouldn’t mind fondling it to find out.

In politics, I don’t know which came first, the rubber chicken policies, or the eggheadedness.

Leo lowered his screwdriver. He looked at the ceiling and shook his head like, What am I gonna do with this guy? “I try very hard to be annoying,” Leo said. “Don’t insult my ability...

Despite all that education and experience can do, I retain a certain level of unsophistication that I cannot eradicate and that my friends find amusing. In fact, I think I sometimes detect conspiratorial plottings among...

Most Wanted.” It’s good to be desired. I’d be honored to be shot at for a large reward, or a small cup of coffee.

Today the same thing over. I’ve got it up the tree again.

I am a fisherman among farmers, and as a farmer what I grow is tired of waiting for her to love me.

I like when wind works. But in this depression, does anything work? If it’s not unemployed, it’s broken. When I hear the politicians talk, all I hear is them breaking wind through their mouths.

People usually asked her if she had a belly button. Of course she had a belly button. She couldn’t explain how. She didn’t really want to know.

Kill the body and the head will die.

Once the bar gets set too high, simply lower it so you can keep on hitting your goals. You could get a lot more chin-ups done this way.

You don’t buy all the clothes in the market. You choose slowly and carefully, asking the prices for each before buying. The same way you choose your friends, by looking into their lives carefully, before...

C’est bien difficile de travailler quand on n’en a pas l’habitude.

Too much much is a dangerous thing. But not as dangerous as danger itself.

Fortunately, we did most of our athletic stuff inside, so we didn’t have to jog through Tribeca looking like a bunch of boot-camp hippie children.

Toadstool mandarins are a form of toxic jellyfish whose tentacles are loaded with entheogenic venom. The effects of a mandarin sting are threefold. The first is a sharp stinging sensation; the second a nasty red...

Second place is twice as good as first place, when you’re competing to put another person first. Losers make the best lovers.

Take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves.

I was born in 1982. That’s like 1984, except not so dystopian.

I know what ails you.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

This was a lucky recollection — it saved her from something like regret.

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.

There were a lot of one-hit wonders in the 90s. I was one of them, though mine was just a fender bender and I left before the cops showed up.

To answer your question, you want me because I’m made of awesome.

I mean, I can understand not being as pricey as Percy or Jason, maybe… but am I worth, like, two Franks, or three Franks?

When you celebrate, there is sure to be cake.”Florence Ditlow, in “The Bakery Girls.

On TV, I can hit the mute button and silence any moron. I wish real life came with a hush button I could push and enjoy instant quiet.

I had a dream about you last night… it was raining and you were fishing for fire to set a sandcastle a flame.

Flowers smell terrific, but how do they sound? If they sound like your love life, then you’ve got to take your Helen Keller Goggles off.

I think I’ll help myself to seconds.

In the old legends, Arachne had gotten into trouble because of pride. She’d bragged about her tapestries being better than Athena’s, which had led to Mount Olympus’s first reality TV punishment program: ‘So You Think...

You are evidence of your mother’s strength, especially if you are a rebellious knucklehead and regardless she has always maintained her sanity.

A book called Life of Silence would get everyone talking. I should write it, using invisible ink. Or to really make it see-through, I should hire a ghostwriter.

They can’t tell so much about you if you got your eyes closed.

I love Ocala. I also love anal sex with midgets. I mean I would, if I were an averagely perverted politician.

CPR dummy looked like him and had clearly been stabbed. Repeatedly. In the groin. He thought she might have used the dummy for target practice, and tried not to be offended. Key word: tried.

The bonds of friendship dwindle with age, Oliver. But a little blackmail lasts forever.

A blanket could be used to tell people a thousand miles and a thousand years away hello. Greetings European people of 3013! I hope you still speak Europe and can understand not a word of...

My password is lovehate. I love it. And I hate it.

Les gens bien portants sont des malades qui s’ignorent.

In my new job, I have big shoes to fill. My predecessor was a midget.

Your husband may not be a wealth of pregnancy information, but he is a wealth of ‘you’ information. He probably knows you better than anyone else in this world (which means he understands your current...

I really hate it when people want to kill me. It makes me think they don’t want to be friends. – Raven from Blood of Prey

A blanket could be used to crack the code of love. What is it, where do I find it, and how much do I charge people to buy it once I do find a reliable...

What’s the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don’t yield to them?

As in music, when we hear the crescendo building, suddenly if the music stops, we begin to hear the silence as part of the music.

A brick could be used to show support for your favorite team. They want to crush their opponents, and if you’ve got the arm strength and accuracy, you should do everything in your power to...