I am a man of peace [so he told Mother, but it always appeared to me that he was the most belligerent man of peace I had ever encountered]

The ocean is a Turing machine, the sand is its tape; the water reads the marks in the sand and sometimes erases them and sometimes carves new ones with tiny currents that are themselves a...

Graveyards were the one place Belladonna never saw ghosts.

A unicorn breathes rainbows like a dragon breathes fire. My coffee breathes Jarod Kintz quotes.

I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

He was a humorist, and everyone knew the funny writers were the most serious sort under their skins.

The satisfying sound of bone giving way, as well as his outraged cry, made the you-had-it-coming-asshole angles sing.

You seem to know a lot about it,” she said. “And you do subtleties.””Yeah. Like I’ve always wanted to destroy the Nine Worlds while committing suicide.””Well, there’s no need to be rude,” protested Sif.

I believe in the power of love. Also, I like cats.

I don’t like hot coffee that’s cold, or iced coffee that’s hot. Or leftover love in a rusty thermos.

Men are so easy to manipulate, poor things.

Well– I don’t know– the cops might not respond too well to you looking through their windows with a telescope.

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.

I thought about kicking him in the balls, but I didn’t. I figured that would be over kill.” – Rendezvous with Destiny

In fact, Lig never formally resigned his editorship—he merely left his office late one morning, and has never returned since. Though well over a century has now passed, many members of the Guide staff still...

Satire is the antidote to Pollyanna and Dr. Pangloss. It focuses our gaze sharply upon the the contrast between things as they are and as they should be.

Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Life is made up of now, and the past and the future are nothing more than inedible garnishes.

How weird? We’re all dressed like people in a Jane Austen book. I think weird comes with the territory.

An empty coffee cup is full of hope. Now there’s something worth voting for.

If my clone writes my biography, is it really an autobiography?

Ein Buch ist ein Spiegel wenn ein Affe hineinsieht so kann kein Apostel heraus gucken.

It depends if I get the window seat.

If you love three people at the same time, choose the first one, because if there was a 4th or 5th one, you might still fall for them.

Prove to me that you deserved it.

Keep your wife happy by living in a slightly nicer house than your neighbor. And you can do this by living in a poorer neighborhood than you ever imagined.

I’ve been writing for about eleven years. I went from elfish to elephantish, and in another eleven years I hope to be Levin.

Oh well… I’d just been thinking, if you had died, you’d have been welcome to share my toilet.

Kalle Fucking Blomkvist

In the middle I want to be at the end, at the end I want to be in the beginning, and in the beginning I want to be in bed.

She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

I had a dream about you. The seasons changed, but you did not. You were the same old person you always were, only older. And I was the same old person I always was, only...

My farts smell like coffee. Drink them up. But slowly, because they’re hot.

Do you pray for the senators, Dr. Hale?’ someone asked the chaplain. No, I look at the senators and I pray for the country.

Kaitlyn froze and then said in a low tone, “That’d better be your gun.” “Why yes, I always pack my gun where it’ll blow my balls off.”[Landon]

People say the early bird catches the worm. And it’s true! That’s why I work online in the middle of the night—to catch all the worms halfway across the world.

I don’t know. I don’t understand how boys think. If I knew that I’d be a millionare.

Can America get back to a point where politicians are honest? Not unless that point is the tip of a sword.

Thor once took an IQ test, and he was scoring so high that the referees took away his ability to shoot three pointers.

Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem—neat, plausible, and wrong.

Civilization is vastly overrated.

Taking a break. Been working solid for the last few hours, as opposed to working liquid, which is more drinkable. Can I pour you a glass of productivity?

But the goal of the arts, culinary or otherwise, is not to increase our comfort. That is the goal of an easy chair.

It’s impossible for me to applaud your successes when my hands are too busy patting myself on the back. But if I clap for you, and you pat my back, we can both feel like...

The girl I am in love with told me she’s moving on. Should I cry, or go to Jax beach and party? The ocean’s salty enough without my tears.

They’ll torture you for months before killing you if you run” Otis shrugged, as if this was an everyday occurrence.

Vampire politics make the very complicated dance of manners that is werewolf protocol look like the Hokey Pokey.

You know that person on your left shoulder who tells you that you can’t do it or that you’re not good enough? Tell that person to GET LOST!

I shook my head. “I’m good, Nicky helped.”Nicky looked at Edward. “She’s having one of those what-if-killing-feels-really-good, doesn’t-that-make-me-a-bad-person moments.” Edward nodded as if that made perfect sense. “Then it feels good. We can’t really control...