The same amount of terrible?

The way I saw it, if my students were willing to pretend I was a teacher, the least I could do was return the favor and pretend that they were writers.

A nonhot boy stares at you and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy…well.

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.

Is talking to your clone like talking to yourself, talking to someone else, both, or in the middle?

His [Lord Peter’s] long, amiable face looked as if it had generated spontaneously from his top hat, as white maggots breed from Gorgonzola.

Throwing a sub at the Apollyon probably wasn’t something that should be done in public. But I couldn’t help it; I laughed.

I’m such an alcoholic that I go to church just for communion.

After a cup of tea (two spoonsful for each cup, and don’t let it stand more than three minutes,) it says to the brain, “Now, rise, and show your strength. Be eloquent, and deep, and...

The police, finding a corpse with twenty-eight stab wounds in a bathtub, suspected foul play.

Just because I have two ears doesn’t mean I can listen to two people at once. Or one politician promising two opposable things.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

He shivered. His coat was thin, and it was obvious he would not get his kiss, which he found puzzling. The manly heroes of the penny dreadfuls and shilling novels never had these problems getting...

If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now.

Monkeys are superior to men in this: when a monkey looks into a mirror, he sees a monkey.

How did you get in here?’ (…) ‘How I got here isn’t important, because I could do it twenty times again, each time a different way.

Robots don’t make better lovers, but Roberts do.

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

Let me know when you’re ready to talk.” She stopped and glanced at them both over her shoulder. “Maybe then I’d be ready to discuss your sexual twists and my own little abnormal desires. You...

I have never yet figured out what to do about good advice that you get, and that you know right away would help you, but that you cannot follow.

I’m over the hill for come-on lines. On a quiet day, I can hear my liver rotting. For exercise, I fall down. ~ Clete

I hardly think there’s any chance of that,” Amelie said. “I doubt you have the capacity.

Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It’s nature’s way of getting you to kick them out when they turn 18!Okaaay. ~sigh~ Due to the times, you can kick them out between the...

In bed, I can go for hours. Oh yes, I love naps.

When you’re corked…you’re corked!

Because seeing someone’s heart ripped out, presumably for the first time, is something a person should accept naturally, like finding out there’s no Santa Clause.

No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

If my public existence does anything worthwhile, hopefully it at least demystifies the author a bit, because I know when I was younger I felt like authors were like wizards or something. Turns out they’re...

If you ever need to confirm that a girl is worth coming back from Hell for, show her your monster arm and see what she says.

Any conversation including the mention of Roald Dahl, Ray Bradbury, or Emily Dickinson is one worth getting into or at least eavesdropping.

I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy.

Clones: Why should you take the blame for your mistakes when there’s a genetic replica of yourself that’d make a perfectly good scapegoat?

Tink’s a Disneyland whore!”-Jenks

Put your middle finger and your thumb together. And make it snappy.

Death, taxes and childbirth! There’s never any convenient time for any of them.

A women can run, hide, play and have fun but she will shine far better when she just smiles without none.

My cat stood still like a furry statue. I wanted to go pet it, but I ended up petting a painting instead. Ah, but that’s life, no?

But giving drugs to a cat is no joke, Kemp!

I buried the lasagna, because it was better than disposing of a dead body. I’ve been burned in a relationship, but never in an oven. I’ll try harder.

Cole – I just thought of a new game.Jaz – What’s that?Cole – Splat the Specter.Jaz – Rules?Cole – You can help me make them up. Right now all I know for sure is that...

I respect my elders, but I don’t respect the Myelders, who are my neighbors, because they are so neglectful of their lawn that it’s like they don’t even exist.

I decided that a movie marathon was clearly in order. I tried to narrow down the options. Anything romantic was definitely out, as was anything involving space travel, kings, or handsome princes. Preferably there should...

What, because I said she had a sweet little butt? You don’t think she does? Hard to believe, since you spend so much time staring at it.

I am the Fruit Basket of Love. You should do a painting of how I feel.

The stalker, meanwhile, stepped into the road. Didn’t even check for traffic. There wasn’t any, but something told me this was lucky for traffic rather than the stalker.

I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?

Fiction is the poor persons travel agent.

I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that your house hasn’t burned down, you don’t have cancer, and your daughter hasn’t been raped or murdered. The bad news is...

Remove God from the world of ideas. Remove government, politics from society. Keep sex, humor, utilities. Let private property go.

Torie doesn’t count. You were obviously her mother in a previous life.