To call that writing, madam, is an insult to quills and ink across the world.

Give up your dreams; you’ll accomplish more without sleep.

Bishop was all done with the witty converstaion. ‘Will you swear?’And Myrnin said, shockingly, ‘I will.’ And he proceeded to, a string of swearwords that made Claire blink. He ended with, ‘—frothy fool-born apple-john! Cheater...

Reiko set the ball on the ground and patted my knee. “Look,” she said, “I’m not telling you to stop sleeping with girls. If you’re O.K. with that, then it’s OK. It’s your life after...

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

So you were going to rescue the Prince! Why did you pretend to run away? To deceive the Witch?””Not likely! I’m a coward. Only way I can do something this frightening is to tell myself...

Sleep with family is a napkin (nap plus kin), and I used a napkin as a blanket.

I don’t have any babies or ambition. I have it all!

I don’t believe in past,I don’t believe in future,I just believe in present.

She can go with us to the lab and keep Myrnin pinned down while we pull the plug, if he’s not… you know, better.””Define BETTER with that guy.””Not all fangs and raaaaar.

Good things come to those who ate. And I’m stuffed. Like a teddy bear. That might be why I’m the World Cuddling Champion.

You have a faculty for defining the simplest in terms of the grandiose, so that a poor devil like me can’t understand it.

Don’t go on a ghost tour, because you won’t see a ghost. Well, you might. Maybe I have ghost blindness and can’t see the invisible.

Bricks could be used to replace stop signs. Some people won’t stop at stop signs, but everybody will stop for a brick wall.

Don’t wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.Chocolate isn’t like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.And it always feels good.

Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence.

I’m going to have to give him shit for all this,’ Shane said, as he wandered around. ‘He lives alone and makes his bed? Who does that?”People who like things neat?”Its not natural.

Grandpa used to like gravy on everything, including his pancakes. If love could be eaten, I’ll bet he’d prefer it with gravy on top. And I’d have to agree. Love would taste better with gravy.

Hazel, do you enjoy it?’ I paused a second, trying to figure out if my response should be calibrated to please Augustus or his parents. ‘Most of the people are really nice,’ I finally said.

I want to save the environment. I like being green as much as the next Smurf.

A football could be swapped out for a brick, to make family reunion football games more fun. But I’m calling it right now: I get to be quarterback.

We have seen the best minds of our generation destroyed by boredom at poetry readings.

As I don’t know french language I just kiss french girls the way French’s do❤

Then again, in some of our meetings, the Upyri bring cocktails, shaking both cocks and tails. Bitches. You can’t live with them, they can’t live without you. It’s a lose-lose situation.

Instead of complimentary breakfasts, why not complimentary compliments? Telling someone they’re looking skinny is sure to help them lose weight faster and feel better than, you know, actually eating.

[Ranger] “How’s your mental health?” he asked. “I heard about Soder.”[Stephanie] “I’m rattled.””I have a cure.”Oh, boy.He put the truck in gear and headed for the exit. “I know what you’re thinking,” he said. “And...

Love is two Tuesdays back to back, and I’m just a lonely Wednesday waiting on today.

Tarzan-like men are my weakness, apparently.

A man bumps me on his busy way without so much as an apology. But that is all right. I forgive you, busy man about town with the sharp elbows. Hail and farewell to you!...

I’m here to tell you, there ain’t much forgiveness in that old-time religion. That particular savior was a mean son of a bitch. If you sinned, honey, he was going to get you, no doubt...

I suppose I could get a job to have something to do, but working when I don’t have to work would be like pulling a straight and healthy tooth — pointless and extremely painful.”–David Palmer

The butcher died, and he requested to be cremated. But I don’t want to burn him, because I like my meat medium rare.

We laughed together. It’s so lovely laughing with a man. It feels positive. Relaxed…

I’m wearing my political mustache today. If you want to see it, you’ll find it on the pubic region of a lobbyist.

Surviving cancer is cool, but surviving old age is cooler.

My name might be similar, but I’d never say ‘Laters, baby.

I stared at the phone in disbelief, then ripped a clean sheet of paper from my notebook. I scribbled ‘ Jerk ‘ on the first line. On the line beneath it I added, ‘ Smokes...

Also not the kind of place to hide a server.””Is that another pun?” She asked.”No! I swear! I didn’t mean that one.”~Shell Game, Kingdom Keepers #5

We live in the moment and they think about what’s coming. If they didn’t keep us in check, we’d fuck up the planet”.

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn’t that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.

Boy, when Grandma Wrinklebottom comes to town, you’d better hide your underwear. I know I’ll be hiding my political perspectives.

And you’re blind?”Uh-huh,” Iggy said, trying to sound bored.Were you born that way?”No.”How did you become blind, uh, Jeff, is it?”Yeah, Jeff. Well, I looked directly at the sun, you know, the way they always...

Lauren realizes right then that the prospect of being single—of recent events leading to a divorce and her being a single mother with child support checks and the like—scares her to death. Dating itself is...

…our witness, one Edward Littleton, was as gay as Elton John’s handbag.

Cats can do whatever they want, whenever they want, without regard to what anyone says or does. Rather like Princesses.

I say yes, turn the other cheek, and let me slap your butt again. Forgiveness can be oh so naughty.

Seaworthy.

Running, it runs in my family. Wheelchairs also run in my family. Is it possible to race in a marathon while sitting down?

A blanket could be used to stop a war, particularly if that war is a Cold War.

You’re a monster.Thanks. Does this mean I get a raise?No, just a medal. The budget isn’t inexhaustable.