…and Lucy.” She looked like she might cry.’What about her?'”Lucy smells like food.” She nearly gagged saying it.’Sol, all that’s normal. Lucy smelled good before I turned, and now she smells even better. But I...

Because being assaulted with maxi pads is a great way to win friends and influence people.

Would you mind if I used your kitchen sink to take a bath? I have the hygiene of a midget.

People are like pickles- some are sour, some are sweet, and some leave a bad taste in your mouth.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.

Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.

You watch pro ball and those guys spend so much time with their hands on each other’s rear ends, you’d think they were feeling for diamonds or something.

Dear, ye do have a problem.

Today I am in love. Today is Tuesday, although the day of the week has no influence or impact on the fact that I’m in love. It could be Monday and I’d still be in...

Jestli jsou oči zrcadlem duše, pak je Edward v maléru, protože nikdo není doma.

Arthur: If I asked you where the hell we were, would I regret it?Ford: We’re safe.Arthur: Oh good.Ford: We’re in a small galley cabin in one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.Arthur: Ah,...

In 1901, Jacksonville burned down in a fire, killing only seven people. Well, the fire killed four people, and I murdered the other three.

There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it.

I mean, really. Who sends their kid to boarding school? It’s so Hogwarts. Only mine doesn’t have cute boy wizards or magic candy or flying lessons.

I go to networking events because what else am I going to do? I’ve already finished my daily planning for how to take over the world.

She’s an absolute idiot!” she added with the wisdom invariably shown by people who, not being in love themselves, feel that a clever man should only be unhappy about a person who is worth his...

My handshake is as firm as cooked spaghetti. So, do you prefer your introductions with Alfredo or marinara sauce?

I had a dream about you. The flowers were blooming, but our love was wilting. I tried to water our relationship, but no matter what I did, you were insistent on leaving me for a...

Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said ‘I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?

People, heed my warning: That stuff is Specials Olympics in a pint glass. You think they are harmless and not very strong, and the next thing you know it is an hour later and you...

I make love like you wouldn’t believe. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you, so why don’t I show you?

In the Rainbow Jungles of Ever there lives what I affectionately call, killer ducks.

Thinking is good for your mind, but too much thinking leads to distraction.

No Matter what you’re, Matter is ; What you do.

Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.

Every nook and cranny,” Marietta interrupted dryly and Gabrielle tipped her head back with a throaty laugh.

I have a memory like a baseball glove, so please, don’t toss me a basketball-sized rumination.

There are seven and a half billion people on this earth – somebody’s got to get sucked into a vortex.

Arrogant and ignorant go together like peanut butter and jelly. Would you like a sandwich?

Children want the same things we want.To laugh, to be challenged, to be entertained, and delighted.

It’s late and most of the clerks are at home in their beds, dreaming of swimming in pools filled with real money.

What is grand is necessarily obscure to weak men. That which can be made explicit to the idiot is not worth my care.

If I owned a t-shirt shop, I would honor Eli Whitney by putting his face on a t-shirt made from 100% cotton. FREE admission if you’re topless.

Yo Mama’s like a library, open to the public.

Ah, this is true. And this is false. What’s the best to you may be worst to someone else. Since every room here is completely different, each room is number one to someone, even if...

I wouldn’t mind showering in the rain, if there weren’t so many naked men holding umbrellas standing behind me. Who invited Congress?

Don’t suffocate in there.

…A person who is headstrong enough to open their eyes and their heart to the full depth and weight of the world is inviting in everything out there – both evil and good, both dark...

I’m always sad to leave Jax. So many magical moments here. Like the time I saw a rainbow give birth to a pot of gold, guarded by a dwarf in green.

The purpose of this life is to worship Allah the only God who has no partners or associates.And I (Allah) created not the jinn and mankind except that they should worship Me (Alone)Quran Chapter 51...

When I saw you, I saw love. When I saw you naked, I saw lust. When I saw you with my clone in a dream, I saw the future.

The picture is bad because the photographer was poor. I took the picture myself, and you can clearly tell I have no money.

Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas; a dead bird in the street that forced a brief detour.

Man, didn’t anybody ever tell you that art is propaganda? It doesn’t matter whether you think it should be or it shouldn’t be, it just is, and motherfucker, like or not, you’re sitting on a...

But you will.”And she knew he was right.

Chicken Soup for the Soul”. You’ve heard of these books, am I right? We’ve all heard of them. But I wonder if you’re aware of just how many “Chicken Soup” books exist on the planet....

The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.

I had a dream about you. You were guarding a bridge that I needed to cross. You asked if I had the proper paperwork, and I said I did, but I was just missing one...

You have a very attractive revenge streak in you. I like it. A lot.” ~Maggie Mae Castro to FBI Special Agent Clive Poole

The children were overwhelmingly morbid. Not a single adult asked me where butterflies go when they die, but this question was more popular than pixie sticks with the under-four-foot set. I cursed parents for not...