By the time I had finished my coffee and returned to the streets, the rain had temporarily abated, but the streets were full of vast puddles where the drains where unable to cope with the...

My soul left my body, and my body left my clothes and went streaking through the streets.

From a Twitter post on why food is better than people: ‘Bagels don’t talk about you behind your back.’ … Since WHEN???

I’m the same as everyone in that I’m different from everyone. We are all unique, and therefore we are all the same.

Well, Hell was worse, of course, by definition. But Crowley remembered what Heaven was like, and it had quite a few things in common with Hell. You couldn’t get a decent drink in either of...

Money is the root of all evil.’ Then we hear, ‘A fool and his money are soon parted.’ What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn’t it be, ‘A wise man and...

Why do humans never do as they’re told? Someone should replace you all with robots. No, on second though, they shouldn’t, bad idea.

Max replies, “Why the fuck n- Oh man, are you gettin’ lucky?”I quickly do up Asher’s jeans and stand. Max bursts into laughter when he sees my head ascend and chuckles, “Shit, guys. Warn a...

How to get money: earn it, steal it, borrow it, beg for it, or inherit it. So, who do I have to kill to get rich?

Flattery will get me nowhere? That’s a hell of a lot better than the place I am now.

A brick could be placed in an empty circular room, so that when you tell a dunce to go stand in the corner, he won’t feel so stupid and will know where to go.

Gossiping’s part of witchcraft,’ said Tiffany. ‘They’re checking to see if they’ve gone batty yet.

A brick could be used to show how patient you are. Somewhere between one brick and a million bricks lies a home. For me, my home is one brick, and I carry it with me...

People go to church for the same reasons they go to a tavern: to stupefy themselves, to forget their misery, to imagine themselves, for a few minutes anyway, free and happy.– Circular Letter to My...

I will play Truth or Dare, you sucker, until you can’t tell your truth from your dare. -CAROLINE

When I was a concierge, I didn’t want a guest’s gratitude. I wanted gratuity. A thank you and a warm smile are always made warmer by a transfer of money.

Secret 1.4. The real question isn’t whether you’re cleared for top secret, it’s whether you’re cleared for unclassified.

If you can’t respect me as a banana, then I’m not sure how you can respect me as a man. Aside from not cramping up, what’s more important than respect?

The minute you stop caring about your business, is the same minute your business stops caring about you.

Caveat Emptor.”

A well-read woman is a dangerous creature.

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.

In hindsight, I have no idea why he was ever with me. He thought highly of my breasts. And . . . that’s it, I think.

Some parts of the Bible I find a little troubling. For example, if Jesus really believed in nonviolence, why did He destroy the Death Star?

Show me how to lactate, and I’ll be the best mother a father could be.

There was a party of well-dressed people with Gilt, and as they progressed accoss the room the whole place began to revolve around the big man, gold being very dense and having a gravity all...

Sorry. Didn’t mean to step on any dead toes.

Yes, I will.

I stared up at the sky and raised my middle finger, just in case God was watching. I don’t like being spied on.

Sure, let me just go to the nearest ATM.” I wonder if she knows it’s all fake and inflated.

Unfortunately when I’m on my death bed I believe I’ll be like most people and still looking for Jesus. And yes I’ve checked my sock drawer.

A brick represents my rationality, and a blanket represents my emotions. It’s robot versus mannequin, and to get a sense of who I am as a person, you need some mortar and a pillow.

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes…dies.

When did you become a woman?”-HatoriHow dare you ask that after you have seen me naked so many times…”-YukiGASP! No it cant be! Yuki-kun, does that mean…” fan club girlsNO! He’s my doctor…”Yuki

There would be a spike in the number of girls who went out for a walk in the woods and were never heard from again. There always were when stories came out portraying the terra...

Courage comes in many forms. One of them is the ability to run at high speeds while wearing adult diapers.

I suffer from CLAUSTROPHOBIA, a fear of closed spaces.For example, I’m petrified that the WINE store will be closed before I have time to get there!!!

If facial expressions had fur, then I’d snuggle your sneer. It’s so ugly it’s cute, like one of those little dogs, the kind Ryan Lilly has.

Whales are silly once every two years. The young are called short-heads or baby blimps. Many whale romances begin in Baffin’s bay and end in Procter and Gamble’s factory, Staten Island.

I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

Proof there is a God,” I answered.

THE PRESOCRATIC PROBLEM[all snap flags]Parmenides named his gun The Hot Power of the Stars. His gun was one, uncreated, imperishable, timeless, changeless, perfect, spherical. Spherical was the problem.

There’s no room for love in my life. My car trunk is already full of groceries, a spare tire, and two kidnap victims.

Your motivation is your pay packet on Friday. Now get on with it.

Some people snort cocaine. I snort powdered love. It’s like powdered sugar, only sweeter.

The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.

Men are more interesting in books than they are in real life.

I’m so ready you could drive a truck straight up my ass and I would bend over and push back until it was in to the rear bumper.

I eat toast and ice—because bread and water just aren’t enough for me. I’m also an insatiable lover.