The slang for the rectum is “prison wallet”.

Grab life by the tail, and then pet it.

A blanket could be used to reveal hidden mysteries. Quick, get naked and get under, and I will illuminate the night.

If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I reminded them of Orafoura’s shadow, I’d have a penny more than ninety nine cents. And even then that’s because I muttered it to...

When it comes to being famous, you’re usually the last to know, and the first to deny it. Unless you were already famous in your head. In which case, party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!

On the Kite, the situation was being ‘workshopped’. This is the means by which people who don’t know anything get together to pool their ignorance.

As I raced out of the office, I could hear Emily rapid-fire dialing four-digit extensions and all but screaming, ‘She’s on her way– tell everyone.’ It took me only three seconds to wind through the...

A blanket could be used to keep people warm. But take it from me: you want to freeze those dead bodies as soon as they’re cold and lifeless, because you don’t want the bodies staying...

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: ‘Please stop sucking my dick or I’ll call the police.

To a Vase”How do I break thee? Let me count the ways.I break thee if thou art at any heightMy paw can reach, when, smarting from some slight,I sulk, or have one of my crazy...

Any cupcake consumed before 9AM is, technically, a muffin.

None could guess my confusion, my host of deluded illusions and elusive delusions! A mantle of marble hiding a crumbling core of sandstone. See how they stare at me, wondering, all wondering, at my secret...

Do not share your thoughts with people who think that what you are thinking is not worth thinking.

Like I live with my clone: with many pats on the back, accompanied by high flattery.

A brick could be used to gauge the level of reciprocated sexual interest of the person or object of your desire. A brick works best, however, when the focus of your lust is the brick...

If I had all the money in the world, I’d love seeing my name on billboards, buildings, and battleships. The only thing I wouldn’t like seeing my name on would be a credit card. Especially...

I apply for a new job twice a week, every week. I am applying for the position of millionaire but so far my numbers haven’t come up.

He wanted one drink, and understood precisely why he wasn’t going to have one. One drink ended up arriving in a dozen glasses.

Shock and desire have my nerves tingling like I’ve been struck by horny lightning.

A blanket could be used to wrap up all the love I have to offer you, so it’ll be easier for you to carry it across the desert. You’d better get walking, because me and...

A brick could be used in speech therapy, to cure a stutter. I mean look at me, I don’t have a stutter. But to be fair, I never did have a stutter, so I can’t...

Orange juice so fresh it’s like a straw in an apple. Change for a twenty? Five fives, if you’ve got them.

Can I get back in your bed now?

What’s it like being drunk? Like being awake and asleep at the same time.

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving...

I might be 30 years old, but a girl never outgrows the need for her mother.

A brick could be used as a response when the cops ask you if you murdered your mother-in-law. Forget yes or no. Well, forget yes altogether, but use brick for every response except one: What...

Enjoying a cup of coffee and a good book, is there anything better? Only if literature were liquid and drinkable.

[Phoebe Broome] ‘Well,’ she said at last. ‘You’ve now met my father. At his worst.'[Lord Vladimir] ‘Being myself widely considered my family’s most difficult member, I would not presume to comment.”That is… gentlemanly of you.

On their sofas of spice and feathers, the concubines also slept fretfully. In those days the Earth was still flat, and people dreamed often of falling over edges.

Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts

My clones just honored me with the 2012 Man of the Year Award. But I wasn’t fooled—I knew they were really honoring themselves.

There was a dragon who had a long-standing obsession with a queen’s breasts,” she said, growing breathless. “The dragon knew the penalty to touch her would mean death, yet he revealed his secret desire to...

My mother would say, ‘Why are you always playing alone?’ And I would say, ‘I’m not playin’, Ma. I’m fuckin’ serious!

It’s best to locate the mind first before launching the ‘missiles of contention’.

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. ‘We spent one night together.”You had sex then?”No we crocheted a quilt.’ I cocked my head to side and gave him my nastiest glare.” Lorelei Preston...

I mean, wha comfort does pretendin to be a Buddhist or wharrever give him? What’s wrong with pretendin to be a Catholic like the rest of us?

While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one’s bowels.Painful change just takes time.

If I were deaf, I’d wear loud clothing. My clothes would also be covered in coffee stains, because Helen Keller is my hero.

Ready?” Aeron called over.Michael span to see him giving a thumbs up to the booth. His eye was drawn down to the huge war hammer hanging from his other hand.”How about we start with a...

I think coffee is the best drink known to man. I also think that wine is the best drink known to woman.

What’s a feminist?” Julie asked.”Someone who thinks women are fish,” Barton replied. He was smiling at Lily. “And that men are bicycles, which makes us basically useless to anyone of the fish persuasion. But it...

The most work he did on [the urinals] was to run a brush once or twice apiece, singing some song as loud as he could in time to the swishing brush; then he’d splash in...

A brick could be exchanged for a bar of gold. But be sure you wait until the owner of the gold isn’t looking before you make the switch.

Halfway through the set, the lead singer, who goes by Cloud, knife in hand, begins to stab at the cutout of Copal Brandt with a lion’s passion. Out of nowhere blood is produced and Cloud...

The old me is younger than the me now. Ah, but that’s life, no?

I didn’t have time to grow out a beard, so I glued a wig on instead. I make love like a hare in a tortoise shell.

Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I...

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

A blanket could be used to represent the Rectangle of Desire. In nine out of ten cases, it was more effective than Viagra. The tenth case was found to contain a lot of cash, and...