It’s tough being AWESOME all the time, but the kids need someone to look up to!

Mealtime”A mousie squealing in a trapWoke me from my morning nap.Wasn’t he so very sweetTo tell me it was time to eat?”(From A CAT’S GARDEN OF VERSES)

Shigure: “Lemme guess; you lost your temper and yelled at her again, right? You know, you shouldn’t do that if you’re just going to regret it. Not too bright, now is it?”Kyo: “Save your breath....

Smartass Disciple: Why we shouldn’t judge others? Master of Stupidity: Don’t! Unless you are paid for it.

I suppose Orafoura was right about the vagina. It is such a wonderful spot to vacation. I’d recommend taking the whole family.

This ‘web of discourses’ as Robyn called it…is as much a biological product as any of the other constructions to be found in the animal world. (Clothes too, are part of the extended phenotype of...

To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I agree’.

I don’t have your way with words “Sin said. “So I’m just going to go with a quick response. Ha

I made 100 dollars, or a Ben Franklin, today. And out of that I probably spent his face, or about five bucks, but I squandered it dishonorably. I should have saved face and saved face,...

I want to be the guy in a movie who’s, I don’t know, out walking his rabbit on a leash (I don’t have a rabbit) and knows exactly how to strike up a quirky, compelling...

The mind likes a strange idea as little as the body likes a strange protein and resists it with similar energy. It would not perhaps be too fanciful to say that a new idea is...

He offered to pay me in agriculture, and I said I didn’t want that, I want money. I told him agriculture won’t put food on my table.

She glared at me. I didn’t care. One word was playing a loop in my heaad: mine.

In certain circumstances, basically shit ones, it’s fight or flight. With Tommy it’s always fright and flight.

It must be horny douchebag day,” she mumbled under her breath as she slid the bag’s strap up on her shoulder.

A brick could be used to stop a bleeding wound. Though just between you and me, I’d prefer to be bandaged by a Band-Aid, a blanket, or a pair of lace panties (preferably red).

I like pancakes.

Hespe’s mouth went firm. She didn’t scowl exactly, but it looked like she was getting all the pieces of a scowl together in one place, just in case she needed them in a hurry.

I make love like a sandwich ate at my best friend. It’s only happened to me once, and I very nearly didn’t have to pay for it.

Just holding out for a better offer.

I love family reunions. Maybe next year we could pass out samurai swords.

I have an erection. I just got it. It was an early Christmas present. Do you think she’ll be mad that I unwrapped it early?

Laurel, David? Would you like to share the joke with the rest of the class?” he asked, one hand on his skinny hip.”No, sir,” David said. “But thank you for asking.” The students around them...

Robert Todd Lincoln, a.k.a. Jinxy McDeath.

She’ll come to love me or she won’t. I’m a fisherman, not a hunter.

Your king is SUPPOSED to explode? What kind of government system is that?

If I hear any more loud voices, you will both be auctioned off on eBay. I could use the extra money.

Madonna’s- Justify My Love, follows us into the lounge, where several men, seated at the tables, eye us like hungry lions as we walk through. Tiger asked, “So, this is a WHOREhouse?””Actually, a gay BATHhouse....

I swear, my dear. Sometimes our conversations remind me of a broken sword.”She raised an eyebrow.”Sharp as hell,” Lightsong said, “but lacking a point.

Until they learn a new position.

Where’s the fun in playing with knives if you can’t draw a little blood?

I feel guilty when I feed them unhealthy food they like. I feel guilty when I feed them healthy food they don’t like. I feel guilty when I drop them off at school. I feel...

My neck size is about the size of both of my girlfriend’s clenched hands. They say strangulation is a crime of passion, and I say it’s the sign of romance in a relationship.

My two legs are like one pretzel when I sit on the floor. If only love were so intertwined.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

My favorite quote in the world is this one.

Great. There goes our security deposit.”~ Sean

Stephanie took another puff from her candy cigarette, reached into her purse, brought out the rest of the pack, and said, “Want one of these damned cigarettes?

Before you criticize my cardboard-free virtual product, I want you to know you’ve saved a dollar! Check the back of the box for details.

I got some body work done. Both to my car, and to my clone. Now my car looks like a complete stranger, and I look like a Mercedes.

I want that little blonde bitch in the lobby to hear me screaming your name.

Poetry is not an art, it’s a symptom.

When I find the wind to say I love you, it will be breezy, like a hurricane.

Okay, I deserved that,” I admitted.

You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT as I picked up a silver gadget that looked disturbingly like an alien orifice probe, broke it, then promptly put it...

A brick should decide who gets to rule the people, and I should decide what rules determine whom the brick favors.

One can have a wit, but not a witless

Should I be writing this down?

I wanted to tell her I loved her, but I chickened out, like a beef taco. The crunchy kind, not the soft shell.

And gag you,” Joseph cheerfully reminded them.