In another Christmas story, Dale Pearson, evil developer, self-absorbed woman hater, and seemingly unredeemable curmudgeon, might be visited in the night by a series of ghosts who, by showing him bleak visions of Christmas future,...

Jacksonville was founded by a man named Jack. Jack’s last name wasn’t Sonville, as you’d expect. Oddly, Jack’s last name was Fatherville, but since Jack was himself a bastard, he found the name Jackfatherville to...

Call me later, you’d said, so I could call you later, at night, and it is those nights I miss you, Ed, the most, on the phone, you beautiful bastard.

I decided to masturbate with shampoo instead of conditioner today. Because yolo. Things Jesus never said.

Julia”, I answered breathlessly. “Chloe, are you in the bathroom fucking that nice slice of man cake?” “I’ll be there in a second, okay?” I ended the call and shoved the phone back into my...

Well, good afternoon, sunshine. How are you feeling?””Like something the cat dragged in, then dragged back outside to leave in the rain, and mud, then the lightning hit it, and burned it, and the cat...

I’m not sure on the protocol over here, though, is it customary to celebrate bastards?” Garrett’s comment hit the mark just like he knew it would. The smile was wiped from Milo’s face, and he...

I wish people weren’t so set on being themselves, when that means being a bastard.

You’ve been smoking again, haven’t you? Your eyes look like road maps and you’re in full bastard mode.