It doesn’t matter what your boss thinks as long as he doesn’t cry.

You okay?””Fine.””Your heart’s beating really fast.””Gee, thanks. That’s very comforting that you can hear it.”He smiled, and it was the old Michael, the one she’d first met before all the vamp stuff.”Yeah, I know it...

What a schmuck!

Rayna found a makeover show on TV-one of those where they sneak up on unsuspecting people going about their business, accost them with camera, and tell them they look like crap in front of a...

Kind of is, actually.

Don’t come closer to me at any time without make-up. I may slap and make you feel the taste of death.

Vampires didn’t faint like Southern belles at the sight of blood.

Let your eyes talk, mouth listens and ear sleeps.

The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty.

Love is like building a wall with two bricks and a ton of wind. Obviously you and your lover are bricks.

I feel my brains, like a pear, to see if it’s ripe; it will be exquisite by September.

Okay. That’s freaky. Lookit, Gollum, if you spring me, I’ll help you find your Precious.

A blanket could be hung on your living room wall, and watched instead of nightly news. Not only would it be more honest, but it also would be more entertaining and thought provoking.

Don’t even think of arguing with me. I’m an old woman and if you fight me about it, it could give me a heart attack.

Marcus couldn’t believe it. Dead. A dead duck. OK, he’d been trying to hit it on the head with a piece of sandwich, but he tried to do all sorts of things, and none of...

It’s hard to wear a Speedo and pose with an erection. Still, I’ve got to try, every Saturday from 9 am to 8:59 pm.

I don’t know if I ever really bought into the eternal damnation bit.

Wisdom of the Ages: “National Symbol” With the preponderance of lawyers, banksters, arms, drug and tobacco dealers in our government, shouldn’t our national symbol be changed from the eagle to the vulture?

Iggy. This is not a democracy,” I said,(…)”It’sa Maxocracy.

There is absolutely no way that I would enter that world. I would never run for office.

Shigure Sohma: So anyway I was wondering if you could stop by the house and take a look at Tohru’s cut. That is if it isn’t a problem.Hatori Sohma: No problem. I’ll stop by the...

I’ll tear down the wall between us—and tear down the walls of your life.” Then you might try offering him a cheese sandwich.

Extinguished theologians lie about the cradle of every science as the strangled snakes beside that of Hercules; and history records that whenever science and orthodoxy have been fairly opposed, the latter has been forced to...

I feel a strange sensation brewing inside of me. It tickles my throat and forces my lips into a grin. Before I can stifle it, I giggle. And then I laugh.

A brick could be used as a Blushometer. To find out how embarrassed you are, just measure you blushing cheeks against the rouge of a brick.

If I were a pervert, I’d be looking for something a damn bit more attractive than you, jackass. And definitely someone that smelled alive.

I used to wonder why I had hair on my legs, but now I know it’s for my toddler sons and daughters to pull themselves up off the ground with as I scream in pain.

Very helpful, I must say. Look at them in the eye and shout, and they understand every word…” (Mr. Warbeck in Sienna, talking about local Italians.)

Pe domnul Van der Hoph însă c nd îl văd îmi vine să-l m ng i pe cap, ca pe un băiețel. Cred că altceva trebuie să inspire un bărbat.

He’s chocolate,” Mikey said.

A blanket could be used in a secretive manner. What? I can’t just tell you how it could be used. What part of secretive don’t you understand?

Thou art a very ragged Wart.

The human body is the best work of art.

A brick could be used like a Viking skull holds soup. If you bring a spoon, I can quench your thirst—and your hunger.

Ish #19 “If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

Pick up a thing,” [Wizard Kadmeion’s]mother would say. “Touch, smell, and taste it. Listen to its nonsense. Then put the funny thing in its proper place.

Sore loser? You bet your fuckin’ ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you cared about whatever the contest was in the first place. Fuck losing graciously-that’s for chumps....

she shall scant show well that now shows best.

Umgangsformen sind Formen, die zunehmend umgangen werden.

brooklyn writer” and you’ll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it?

She grinned, looking for all the world like a sticky-mouthed little girl who had just convinced her gullible mother that she really did drop the first piece of candy into the storm drain and would...

If you want to live a life free of regret, there is an option open to you. It’s called a lobotomy.

Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders.

I guess we know who got the good genes.”I laugh at the expression on Caleb’s face, his mouth drawn into a slight pucker and his eyes wide.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Respect? Of course, always, to all, because everything seems funnier when you’re trying to show respect.

It’s sometimes shocking to find out what people really believe in.

You should eat a waffle! You can’t be sad if you eat a waffle!

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.

Yeah. Isn’t it great?