Mulled ale for the frozen man,And mulled ale for the weary:For mulled ale is the body’s friendAnd makes the sick heart merry.

I just invented a device that eliminates vice. It looks like a bottle of booze, only it’s empty, because I just drank it.

Rick feels almost the way he used to halfway through his third drink, his favorite moment, the way he wishes all moments in life could feel: heightened with the sense that anything could happen at...

Karate, I get a real kick out of it. I would get a kick out of coffee, but I’ve got better ways of stirring, like renting Michael Phelps’ 400 IM time.

When I see a cop’s lights behind me at two in the morning, and I have my disco ball dangling from my rearview mirror, it’s like, Hey, a party! Especially if I’ve been drinking.

I drank so much booze I was bamboozled. Alcohol makes my mind as discombobulated as love makes my heart. I’d sure appreciate it if you poured me a large glass of romance.

I think you polished that one off after last week’s date.” His voice is low right next to my ear, very nearly causing a shiver.

How do I feel today? I feel as unfit as an unfiddle,And it is the result of a certain turbulence in the mind and an uncertain burbulence in the middle.What was it, anyway, that angry...

When a man wants to have an alehouse meltdown, the worst thing you can do is stand in his way

Be wary of strong drink, it can make you shoot at the tax collector…and miss.

I think piracy is a bit like drinking. You want to stay out all night doing it, you pay the price the next day.

They’re professionals at this in Russia, so no matter how many Jell-O shots or Jager shooters you might have downed at college mixers, no matter how good a drinker you might think you are, don’t...

What is this thing you call substance abuse? All I wanna do is forget and get loose.Drinking and smoking over and overWhat’s so great about a life that’s sober?There’s nothing cool about being youngWhen the...

I knew what Charley would do. He would spend the evening drinking himself into the mindset of a cinder block. If they had given him as much as a hundred bucks, it would be a...

And even in the open air the stench of whiskey was appalling. To this fiendish poison, I am certain, the greater part of the squalor I saw is due. Many of these vermin were obviously...

I distrust a man that says when. If he’s got to be careful not to drink to much it’s because he’s not to be trusted when he does.

I admit I get the occasional headache,” I said. “I admit some of my hangovers are epic. But usually all it takes for me to bounce back is a sauna, cold-plunge pool, steam bath, massage,...

The no-booze rule is one of several shams perpetuated by certain religious groups, presumably to keep their flocks in line. After all, what’s a shepherd to do with drunk sheep? So take your medicine, but...

Your pony, he said as he stomped toward me. “I’m the farrier who is here to fix your pony.””I thought you were a Hells Angel,” I said.”I used to be,” he replied. “But fighting all...

The drink you like the best should be the drink you drink the most.

I was a fool, alone, preparing to do what every fool did at such times—I was going to a bar to drink myself smart.

I loved the full heat of being drunk, like I was made of melting chocolate and spreading in all directions.

I’m Invisible”—I’ll likely pass out, and that would ruin all my fun.

Intoxication, like sexual euphoria, is the privilege of the human animal.

I began drinking because the thought that I was drinking gave me a kind of identity: each time I poured myself a brandy in the deserted afternoon I could say to myself ‘I am a...

Sensible people advise against drinking on an empty stomach, but to my mind it is the best sort of drinking.

Well, I drank enough to sustain a small Spanish village, I haven’t had an orgasm in a thousand years, and I will probably die old and alone in a beautifully designed apartment with all of...

It’s 4:58 on Friday afternoon. Do you know where your margarita is?

That’s why I’m a writer.

Champagne and Benzedrine! Never again.

You don’t need to drink to get over your feelings. Deal with your feelings that’s how you get over them,

My love is like an empty bottle of wine. If you’re wondering, my ex wife drank it all.

Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity.

The bubbly play of wit, the chesty laughs, the resonant voices of men when glass in hand they shut the grey world outside and prod their brains with the fun and folly of an accelerated...

The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at...

You always miss 100% of the shots you don’t order

The bar . . . is an exercise in solitude. Above all else, it must be quiet, dark, very comfortable – and, contrary to modern mores, no music of any kind, no matter how faint....

Those partial to drink were hiding faults and dishonesty. They were sloppy souls, even the ones with pleasant manners and fine noses.

Writers choose to drink because of their inability to cope with the daily hassles of being part of a society. Why shouldn’t they? Every day an intelligent human being is plagued with bills, horrifying news...

I’m going out for a bottle of champagne. We’re going to get bombed.

Everybody’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.

If you want to keep your dignity intact, stay away from tequila.

It’s a tradition to drink rakia with snacks. Not like the Russians, you know, who just drink to get drunk. I like a little snack with the news.

It was one of those striking moments in life where you find familiarity in the inexplicable.

They say some of my stars drink whiskey. But I have found that the ones who drink milkshakes don’t win many ball games.

Go sip on gossip, and leave the coffee talk for me to chug. I’ll be in the kitchen, giggling like a schoolgirl if you need me.

Once the orange juice wears off, I might be drunk. I love vodka.

When I go to the bar, I never drink much. And to do that I avoid conversations, as silence reduces saliva and swallowing, which is drinking.

Drinking and eating. The whoring we will keep until we get yougood and drunk.

The sacred pint alone can unbind the tongue…