New Rule: The Napa Valley is Disneyland for alcoholics. Be honest, you’re not visiting wineries in four days because you’re an oenophile, you’re doing it because you’re a drunk. It’s the only place in America...

Where had he been? Drinking, obviously. Then she started cataloging all the ways he was worthless. On fool impulse, as his most potent available argument against Lily, Bud stuck his hands into his coat pockets...

Think of the power we could have if all the energy and effort in the world – or maybe even just your energy and effort? – that goes into drinking were put into resisting, building,...

My side felt a lot better when Nora called me at noon the next day. “My nice policeman wants to see you,” she said. “How do you feel?””Terrible. I must’ve gone to bed sober.” I...

We named the bar The Bar. “People will think we’re ironic instead of creatively bankrupt,” my sister reasoned.Yes, we thought we were being clever New Yorkers – that the name was a joke no one...

Somebody get me a bottle of booze—and a reason to quit drinking. I fell in love twice today, and I only encountered one other person.

Ignorance is a lot like alcohol: the more you have of it, the less you are able to see its effect on you.

If your breath smells like coffee, I might try to drink our conversation. Wake me up with the words you’re speaking.

Wine is not a magic serum of truth. It just silences that smart little voice in your head which advises against saying some dumb shit.

Ronan did not smoke; he preferred his habits with hangovers.

If you ever know a man who tries to drown his sorrows, kindly inform him his sorrows know how to swim.

Ô, wine!, the truth-serum so potent that all those who wish to live happy lives should abstain from drinking it entirely!… except of course when they are alone.

She was the third beer. Not the first one, which the throat receives with almost tearful gratitude; nor the second, that confirms and extends the pleasure of the first. But the third, the one you...

Drinking just to get drunk is like having sex just to get pregnant.

Parents drinking is the reason you came into the world, and if we didn’t keep doing it then, by God, it would be the reason you went back out of it.

one doesn’t even think ofthe liverand if the liverdoesn’t think ofus, that’sfine.

I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I’m under the table,after four I’m under my host.

Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.

You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.

I drink coffee like steam is the ghost of dead water. Ever tried inhaling the afterlife?

I added five shots to my coffee, because that’s all the bullets my magazine can hold.

Forget plastic surgery. Enhance your beauty by getting those around you drunk.

Lake water, even when boiled, has an effect on my digestive system similar to the movement of a hangman’s trapdoor.

the only drinking problem I’ve ever had, is figuring out why I’m still stuck in this salad spinner

Camels can go many weeks without drinking anything at all. The notion that they cache water in their humps is pure myth—their humps are made of fat, and water is stored in their body tissues....

At the time I started in ballet they were dancing ‘The Spirit of Champagne’ on pointe, in Paris. I thought, ‘I don’t want to dance the spirit of champagne, I want to drink it!

A lady came up to me one day and said ‘Sir! You are drunk’, to which I replied ‘I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.

Next to music, beer was best.

Inside my soul a treasure is buried.The key is mine and only mine.How right you are, you drunken monster!I know: the truth is in the wine.(“The Unknown Lady”)

My professional life had started and here I was at a professional dinner full of uninhibited drinking.

There are two kinds of people I don’t trust: people who don’t drink and people who collect stickers.

I have liquid lips, and my kisses are smooth as wine. Why pour you a glass when you can drink from the bottle?

I left Mermaid’s Bar and Grill about 2:00 am, and fishtailed out of the parking lot.

Whenever I drink, I always have one too many. Of course, I only ever drink one.

Whiskey burns—my throat, not a forest. Love burns—my heart, not a forest. As for the forest, it burnt itself. At least that’s what I told the police during their interrogation.

Drummond appreciated his guest’s initial silence, his respect for the ancient, sacred act of imbibing. Drink first, talk later.

Take to the Sky,” but the rest of the time blurred after I drank absinthe with the Captain.

Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila.

The Brandy Diet is one of my personal favourites – you don’t lose any weight, but if you drink enough of the stuff then you neither care what you look like nor what people think...

Nothing bonds two solitary individuals like a good shared drunk. This is a scientific fact. It’s important, even necessary for the long-term welfare of the planet to get good and shit-faced with your neighbor every...

She picked up the stout and took a sip. It slid down her throat like silk.

So much the worse for those who fear wine, for it is because they have some bad thoughts which they are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts.

When I walked into the house, I went in search of one of my dad’s bottles. Not that they were that hard to find. He hid bottles all over the house. I knew where they...

When a man who is drinking neat gin starts talking about his mother he is past all argument.

It is no longer necessary to preach sonorously of the sinful and deleterious effect of liquor on the human mind and body; the essential evil is recognised scientifically, and only the sophistry of conscious immorality...

Ho! Ho! Ho! To the bottle I goTo heal my heart and drown my woeRain may fall, and wind may blowAnd many miles be still to goBut under a tall tree will I lieAnd let...

Drinks heavily loaded with ice are reasonably effective, but the best way to cool down is to cuddle with a recently deceased person.

Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again.Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chamber of my brain —Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies Come to life and fade away;What care I how...