I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice.

Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.

The Bible has been through at least half a dozen translations by the time you read it. Plus, when the word of God is infected by the hand of man, that is, written down, it...

If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I’m out. I’m gone.

I don’t get emails from my corporate overlords.

From this moment on I’d dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?

If a man doesn’t know how to dance he doesn’t know how to make love, there I said it!

Be careful who you choose as your hero or who you choose to deify, be it Clay Aiken or Barack Obama. You put all you’re hope and all your dreams and all your ideas about...

When I went out on tour as Bing Hitler I would hook up with Lenny and we’d get drunk together. He was always very supportive. He was a big star and a lot of what...

I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they’d have to...

I freely admit I’m confused. I’m a confused and troubled individual but at the same time…Its Free!

She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy.I do have a knack for finding great women.

I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love.

I don’t know now if I’m funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that’s funny.

I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living – and earning a living.

Anyone who’s just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands.

The world can be such a fright, but it belongs to us tonight.

I didn’t say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.

The idea of having Australians upset at me is just awful.

I think I’m just someone that just tries to get by. I’m kind of – if it was during the Second World War, I’d be a black marketeer, I think.

The truth is that Leon, like a lot of those-maybe everyone-who trips on acid, never really came back. he recovered but he was never the same guy again. He had lost something-innocence of hell. Acid...

It ‘s the time of year when Canadians mate.

The worst gift I was given is when I got out of rehab that Christmas; a bottle of wine. It was delicious.

I wanted to be a rock star.

Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it’s faster, and if you do a crap one, you can do a better one tomorrow. Writing a novel and doing stand-up –...

I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.

If you can’t trust, you can’t be trustworthy.

I aim to please. I’m nothing if not a vaudevillian.

I’ve been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can’t run. That was a revelation.

Oh Satan you’re a wily one.

I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.

Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don’t already know

The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman.

It’s not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We’re not afraid of failure.

You gotta laugh because if you didn’t you’d cry

It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one...

Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me.

I’m reading a book, because I’m brainy. No, it is a book – if you don’t know, it is like a blog except bigger.

When in doubt about who’s to blame. Blame the English.

Ros was dead.He had loved heroin more than it loved him. I was shocked beyond imagining; he was the first of my friends to fall.

Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men… Nah.

I don’t see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.

If Scotland and America go to war, I’m afraid I’ve already sworn in.

I have that hypocrisy of a parent in that I’m like,’Come on, you’ve got to toughen up at the same time let me take care of that for you.

The Afghan government is as corrupt as a prostitute with a law degree.

There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin.

I used to believe, like many people who come from poor backgrounds, that it gave me an edge, but I think that’s just something we have to tell ourselves to get by sometimes. I don’t...

When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don’t stop, I’m going to die.

Laughter separates us from despair, and gives us a chance at love.

I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.