Malibu: With sounds of waves crashing, and the ocean at the doorstep, you feel like you are hours away from civilization. And with L.A. traffic, YOU ARE.

Since Ireland’s independence declaration was a century older, I could not be sure if his self-evident truths meant as much as they would in America.

As I prefer to see it, there has never been an epic love story that involved significant amounts of self-control.

I had to free myself from my devotion to him… to us… without losing my ability to believe in love.

Facebook is that successful guy you’re supposed to want to date, but you can’t keep your mind off the beautiful freak in the corner. Twitter is my freak.

You’ve left me with a kaleidoscope of broken smiles and shattered dreams.

Love: the impossible combination of being IN the deep end and being OFF the deep end.

favorite” and thus had me at the first entirely inappropriate tweet flung my way.

I have always been quite good at falling in love, but I don’t pretend to know anything about literal happily ever afters. 

I am not being overly harsh. Overtly hostile, yes, but exactly the right amount of harsh.

My voice falls into Southern drawl when I am tired, drunk, or in trouble. Too often, my accent is attacked by all three of these realities.

Holy crap, my heart was arrogant to believe her spotless track record could stay that way.

Many of the women in Los Angeles are part of the notorious gang culture, and they will forever have my gratitude for, you know, letting me live.

In the apocalyptic environment that is Los Angeles on fire, we should all be making a point to have a lot of sex, but no one seems particularly motivated. They need leaders, and sadly I...

Having two women—one who can’t know about the other, and one who must be trusted not to destroy his life—is clearly difficult for him.

My heart had a crush on him from the moment we met, but it was faint, and the rest of me stubbornly refused to play along.

His billiards lessons regarding double kisses, push strokes, butt caps, creeping angles of incidence, and snatches began to sound like flirting.

During my completely soul-shredding midlife crisis at the age of twenty-eight, I felt sure I had peaked too soon.

When my heart is better, less shrunken, I will throw her out there to love again, without hesitation, even knowing what we know.

The word bollocks seems strong, punk rock, and imposing, but in reality, bollocks is always too tame to make much of an impact.