Pearls are congealed oyster spit.

My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.

Yes. Reyn is our resident horse master. He has an excellent seat.”I grinned. “I’ve noticed.”Reyn’s face tightened and Nell flushed, looking embarrassed. “It’s an equestrian term.””Really? I thought you were talking about his ass.

Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby.

I have chiseled features. Look. Look how chiseled they are. And my teeth are at least as white as his. You seriously think he’s good-lookin’?””I do,” said Tanith.”Right,” Sanguine said and nodded. “I’m gonna kill...

One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty.

Anything can happen in love, war and South Inidan movies.

His principles were out of date, but there was a good deal to be said for his prejudices.

First rule of thievery,’ Eli said, grinning, ‘only run if you’re not coming back.’ (…) ‘First rule of thievery, never use the same entrance twice.’ Miranda rolled her eyes. ‘How many ‘first rules’ of thievery...

Majority wins, but majority is not necessarily right and sometimes majority is awfully wrong.

Remember what you won’t get if you don’t mind,” her grandfather remarked.

I rolled my eyes, trying to keep my eyes off his body, just the sight of his abs or arms was enough to make me want to get naked and let Carlo take over anything...

Every habit makes our hand more witty, and out wit more handy.

If you were smart,” Genghis said, “you would have borrowed the silverware of one of your friends.””We never thought of that,” Klaus said. When one is forced to tell atrocious lies, one often feels a...

“He loved her…It was noble of him. It was beautiful.”-“It was stupid.

Master Griffin, I would marry my own mother for the excuse to stab my eyes out with her brooches than to see anything under your kilt,” the man’s voice said with an elegant aplomb. “Where...

Try – Takes the infinitive: “try to mend it,” not “try and mend it.” Students of the language will argue that ‘try and’ has won through and become idiom. Indeed it has, and it is...

Usually when people see me, they see me as more of the soft-spoken one rather than being the witty, smart-tongued character.

Brody’s not gay. But then he kisses a boy. So he might be gay? No, Brody’s not gay. But he loves this boy. So after much delaying, debating, and waiting, the answer comes clear…nothing is...

They’re not going to arrest you,’ Skulduggery said as they walked through the door. ‘They might glare at you and say angry words, but they won’t arrest you. Well, they might arrest you. There’s a...

He forced himself forward trying to seem innocent without acting like someone who was guilty who was trying to act innocent.

Most wives fuck their husbands, just to ensure financial support. Marriage is just a form of legalized prostitution, when you really thought about it.

I hope that the kind reader recognises this as a despairing attempt at humour.

But you have to understand, mental illness is like cholesterol. There is is good kind and the bad. Without the good kind- less flavor to life. Van Gogh, Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Sylvia Plath, Pink...

This sentence consists of eleven words, twenty-three syllables and seventy-four letters.

Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.

I can’t tell you how may beautiful women have broken up with me because they were bored. I can’t tell you because it never happened. They all adored me.” “It was your humility, wasn’t it?

It is your turn to say something now, Mr. Darcy. I talked about the dance, and you ought to make some kind of remark on the size of the room, or the number of couples.

State your point. If the opposite party doesn’t agree, state it harder- with a punch.

I’ve often been criticised, but never critically wounded

I’m so honest, that in order to compliment you, I’d improve you first.

You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference.

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.

You like? she asked Slade. He gave her a head nod and she vanished behind the curtain.That’s my sister, he said, pointing at the closed curtain.I shrugged. “I’m glad you guys are so close.

The wittiest authors raise the very slightest of smiles.

You write poetry?” Klaus asked.He had read a lot about poets but had never met one.”Just a little bit,” Isadora said modestly. “I write poems down in this notebook. It’s an interest of mine.””Sappho!” Sunny...

Once you’ve read too many trashy best-sellers, you begin to look for something with substance, something that attempts to define the universe.

There was a few seconds’ pause. Then Amit said: I meant, what were you thinking just now.When? said Lata.When you were looking at Pran and Savita. Over the pudding.Oh.Well, what?I can’t remember, said Lata with...

Un bon mot ne prouve rien.

Writers don’t get mad they get even in their novels.

As it ‘appens, I am Arthur’s right-hand man,” said Suzy. “Or left-hand girl, I can’t remember where I stood last time. Anyhow, me and Arthur is like two fingers of a gauntlet. Or at least...

We’re authors, too,” Donegan said, “and we’ve been trying to get into the picture-book market. We have this idea for a Where’s Wally type thing, except in ours, you’d have to find the one living...

Talking to them was like being placed into conversational purgatory, with no hope of being released without significant damage to one’s self-esteem.

All the same, we should excuse ourselves,” Vergil said. “Although I am wondering if the meeting was already well concluded when we intruded.” He gave Nathaniel a deep look on the last sentence that made...

You get a promotion?””I got a polite, but firm suggestion to be a team player. […]””You got off easy. One of my commanding officers once threw a paperweight at me.””We’re a bit more subtle.

I was at a dinner party many years ago,sitting along from Tom Stoppard, who in those days smoked not just between courses,but between mouthfuls. An American woman watched in disbelief.”And you so intelligent!””Excuse me?” said...

Think of something clever, witty or profound, keep it short and people may quote you.

Love is meant to be taken seriously, like a joke.

What are we going to do when we get into the temple, anyway? Are we going to fight our way through the Necromancers on our own?””No, we’re going to find a way to let our...

(…) Trying to think of how to take the least crowded ways to class, so the least amount of people will stare at the hole in my neck. Sometimes it feels like it has a...