I didn’t want to drive him away, and I knew that most girls of my age weren’t virgins. And even worse, physically, I wanted him too. I was curious to appease my own needs, and...

Joy is not a substitute for sex; sex is very often a substitute for Joy. I sometimes wonder whether all pleasures are not substitutes for Joy.

You’re the only kick-ass general I know who needs three gay boys to dress him, John.””But I only need one gay boy to undress me.

Never underestimate the power of a pity fuck, which makes for about ninety percent of women’s collective dating history.

I think good conversation is really the best form of sex.

A woman can become a man’s friend only in the following stages – first an acquantaince, next a mistress, and only then a friend.

Berlin was charismatic in the roguish way of a love… It was a lover who was a little dangerous in ways that didn’t always show, keeping you a bit on edge, a bit in love...

Approaching the trail, he broke through the thicket a short distance ahead of the Empath. Causing the Empaths horse to startle as the surprised rider jerked on the reins. Cap was equally surprised to find...

Gentlemen are a dying breed.Do your part to help out by supporting them sexually.

When you’re in love you don’t have to do a damn thing. You can just be. You can just stay quiet in the world. You don’t have to move an inch.

Vainglory, however, no matter how much medieval Christianity insisted it was a sin, is a motor of mankind, no more eradicable than sex.

Perhaps the most important sexual tool is consciousness. If we think we are “not enough” or “too much,” we surely are. Similarly, when you give a gift, create artwork, or perform any task with the...

Italians give their city sexes, and they all agree that the sex for a particular city is quite correct, but none of them can explain why. I love that. London’s middle-aged and male, respectably married...

Cuddling was for great aunts and teddy bears. Cuddling gave him cramp.

You’ve brushed your teeth,” He says, staring at me.”I used your toothbrush.”His lips quirk up in a half smile. “Oh Anastasia Steele, what am I going to do with you?

Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life.

I heard him sweeping with the broom, and then he suddenly stopped.I had obviously got his attention, and he was looking.Take a good look, honey, I thought. Take a good look at what I’m offering.I...

Waiting for a hot pocket to cook we’d fuck and be satisfied, barefoot on new york city apartment linoleum. A satisfying hot pocket and a big ass smile and a tight ass grip and a...

Every woman is different in her own special way.

THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: ‘Please stop sucking my dick or I’ll call the police.

Sex is a different medium, refracting time and sense, a biological hyperspace as remote from conscious existence as dreams, or as water is from air

I tell my christian relatives that “churchianity” is the central reason the church is not teeming with young people. The hypocrisy within the church is not concealed from this growing, informed generation. The arrogance among...

Trite though it (used to) sound, real sexuality is about our struggles to connect with one another, to erect bridges across the chasms that separate selves. Sexuality is, finally, about imagination. Thanks to brave people’s...

No boyfriend,” I said, perhaps a little too quickly. Have I mentioned my total lack of social life? Having a dream about Alex last night was the closest thing I’d had to a date in...

Talk like the Discovery Channel all you want, but a book of fossils and a tub of plaster does not an orgy make.

Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman any day of the year. But be sure to book early for Valentine’s...

Ah bet she’s a dirty wee minx in the scratcher. Y’see that “butter wouldnae melt” expression she’s goat goin on? That’s jist a smokescreen – ah guarantee she goes like a train.’ Jimmy belched, considerately...

Most men want sex, without the kids or commitment. I want sex, but I don’t want to have to pay any money. But is that possible? I should invent a vending machine that dispenses sex....

Nakedness has no color: this can come as news only to those who have never covered, or been covered by, another naked human being.

Helen Kelleresque.

I am going to think of you every time I don’t have sex. So that’ll mean I’ll always be thinking of you.

Robots make better lovers.

Shaving a sheep is considered foreplay in some countries. But I don’t consider foreplay at all, not even before sex.

Boats should be shaped more like shoes. Better for dancing. The only thing I’m better at than dancing is making love, and grandmas all over Memphis say they haven’t seen moves like mine since after...

2 out of 4 numbers prefer being in the bottom 50 percent. Half of all lovers also prefer being on the bottom.

My hobby is boxing up all my stuff and then unpacking it and pretending I just moved and I’m getting a fresh start on life. And I make love like a professional boxer, only without...

I make love like others make money. You’ve got to spend money to make money, right? If not, then why am I paying for sex?

I have a spreadsheet of all the women I’d like to spread and sheet. Your mom is on my list. So is your grandma, may she rest in peace.

I make love like Siberia, only with less heat and more of an isolated feeling.

The piercing fanfare of the brass against the brutal boom and rattle of the drums surged through the air. At the head of the Ferris band marched the drum majorette. A crimson and white shako...

Men and the pursuit of them are strongly intertwined with my mental health. I would say, in my defensive defense, that the problem with being a serial monogamist is, there isn’t anybody random or unimportant:...

Anna loved and didn’t love sex. Anna needed and didn’t need it. Her relationship with sex was a convoluted partnership that rose from both her passivity and an unassailable desire to be distracted.

Don’t let yourself die without knowing the wonder of fucking with love

Miriam – I’ll give you any flowers you want!’ Rhapsodising over the thousand scents of her body, I exclaimed: ‘I’ll grow orchids from your hands, roses from your breasts. You can have magnolias in your...

When a man touches a woman’s body, he is not just touching her body. It goes MUCH DEEPER than that for a woman. He is touching parts of her soul-parts as diverse as how she...

If you give a man a hammer, he thinks he can solve all problems by pounding. Well, God gave men penises….

I had begun to think my ripening body would wither untasted on the vine.

Ah, lust. It makes us forget anything we want to. The greatest relaxant, the greatest stimulant.

I prefer having sex with myself rather than with someone who wants something instead.

If some men think they’ve been outdone by a woman, well, they hit back with the best weapon they have. And that’s to put you in your place and let you think you only have...