Hey, Geekoid!” yelled Duncan Dougal, “Why do you read so much? Don’t you know how to watch TV?

Tempted to type meaningless twaddle all the time on Twitter…with alliteration, no less!

When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled.

Nefarious purposes translation: For disgusting demon sex and the birth of the Devil incarnate. Nice.

Okay, this is the wisdom. First, time spent on reconnaissanse is never wasted. Second, almost anything can be improved with the addition of bacon. And finally, there is no problem on Earth that can’t be...

Can I brush your hair?” she asked as she led the way, her disposition doing a 180 on a dime. Kids. Can’t live with ’em. Can’t eat ’em for lunch.

We watch television and we play music, but mostly we’ve found ways to amuse ourselves.” “Really?” Valkyrie asked. “Like what?”Plight’s smile faded. “Like human sacrifice.”He grabbed one arm and Lenka grabbed the other and Valkyrie...

If you feel that you can solve others problems, then please, work little more on your own problems and solve them first.

If you want the extra-ordinary, you’ve got to be willing to forsake the ordinary’ – Annie Grimes in Mr Alhourani’s Dead Man’s Spots

…and – holy shit was this song bad. It was like the singer was stabbing my ear with a dagger made of dried turds.

Our Euripides the human,With his droppings of warm tears,and his touchings of things common Till they rose to meet the spheres.

And you’re never too immortal for a spanking,” he shot back…

I don’t know about you, but I just can’t rule out finding the love of my life simply because he’s twenty four years older than me. I’m only sorry you had to wait so long...

The Tausennigan Ob’enn warlords look like cuddly teddy-bears?””Yes, they do, and they’d cheerfully exterminate your entire race for making that observation!””I guess that explains their rich military history, then.

Don’t do it! Stay away from your potential. You’ll mess it up, it’s potential, leave it. Anyway, it’s like your bank balance – you always have a lot less than you think.

May the fleas of a thousand camels invade the crotch of the person that ruins your day. And may their arms be to short too scratch

He bared thick teeth. ‘I am Zacchariah. My price will be right. You show me now?’In that moment, ten generations of horse-traders counted for more than half a lifetime in the legions. I was my...

Sir Bedevere: “Tell me, what do you do with witches?” Crowd: “Burn, burn them up!” Sir Bedevere: “And what do you burn apart from witches?” Villager: “More witches!

marathon: (noun)A popular form of overpriced torture wherein participants wake up at ass-o-clock in the morning and stand in the freezing cold until it’s time to run, at which point they miserably trot for a...

…I doubt very seriously whether anyone will hire me.’What do you mean, babe? You a fine boy with a good education.’Employers sense in me a denial of their values.’ He rolled over onto his back....

Was it my fault that I got out of hand?–Loki

I’ve never been able to grow an organ back,” Lana said. “Last time I tried… Let’s just hope you don’t end up with whip eyes.

Yo Mama’s so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

If a wizard should take up residence in your garden and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.

Don’t lose today by worrying about tomorrow!!!

[On writing Jeeves and Wooster stories]:You tell yourself that you can take Jeeves stories or leave them alone, that one more can’t possibly hurt you, because you know you can pull up whenever you feel...

Aglaya just rolled her eyes. “You’re like a ten year-old.””Ten-and-a-half,” Kev defended. “But I read at a fourteen year-old level.

I always thought eating was a ridiculous activity anyway. I’d get out of it myself if I could, though you’ve got to do it to stay alive, they tell me.

There are many other little refinements too, Mr. Bohlen. You’ll see them all when you study the plans carefully. For example, there’s a trick that nearly every writer uses, of inserting at least one long,...

That’s your solution? Have a cookie?

Jake’s in trouble.’Luca rolled his eyes. ‘What now?”He’s gone off somewhere, I think I know where, and I don’t think it’s good.”Cant that boy ever stay in and watch telly like the rest of us?

All he’d done was lose her underwear and practically get her blown up.Hell. This had to be the absolute worst first date of her life.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing,you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.The one that’s out always looks the best

If you have pain in your ass, it doesn’t mean you have done something wrong, but it’s probably because you’re wearing your little brother’s underwear.

can’t even face his marriage problems full on.

The Yankees’ Facebook page was hacked. The hacker was immediately purchased and signed to a 5 year contract with the Yankees.

I first heard of Parmenides’ best-known assertion, “Whatever is, is.” I laughed and blurted out, “And he’s famous?” With this verbal ejaculation I revealed myself as the quintessential sophomore.

mystery is not founded in ignorance, mystery is founded in imagination

Leo got up and brushed himself off. “I hate that guy”. He offered Jason his arm like they should go skipping together.”I`m Dylan. I`m so cool, I want to date myself, but I can`t figure...

I want a baby of my very own one day, but it seems that my being male is a BIIIIT of a problem.

Tobak Davenport, who is a cross between some Sugar Puffs and Lynn Faulds-Wood, was squatting there before being removed by the local constabulary after he went round to complain about Luther Blisset’s pet turkey fouling...

But you were concerned about making sure things, you know, didn’t get serious.””Yeah, because I’m an idiot.

Losing the Internet has forced them to interact verbally instead of microblogging their lives, but a lot of them still talk in Tweets:”Ugh! I’m standing in line at the post office.””I’m not eating the crusts...

You will be interested to hear, Hilary, that it [the drug] had a most remarkable effect — even on Selena after a very modest quantity. She cast off all conventional restraints and devoted herself without...

You’re bloody insane, Karede,” Mat said. “Unfortunately, so am I.

All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away.

The English… are the most deplorable milksops. They are creatures of that miserable sort who loudly proclaim that torture is too good for their enemies and then give tea and cigarettes to the first wounded...

Simon: You’re in a dangerous line of work, Jayne. Odds are you’ll be under my knife again, often. So I want you to understand one thing very clearly: No matter what you do or say...

It’s supposed to.

Going down in history is a dead end pursuit