At home I’ve got a very puerile, juvenile sense of humour.

Space, as you can see, is a complete void, nothing but clear air, without solid objects or the illumination of light. On some of our photographs of space, however, studied close to, even without a...

Professor Milligan will now play his tree! The composition is in A Minor, the tree is in A garden.

On the other side of St John’s house is a fake egg timer who can’t maintain an erection. He shares the property with a glossy beef burger called Tom, who has been painted by a...

Tom, how many children do you think I have to have before I figure out you get them by having sex?””Of course there would be protection,” he offered.”Tons of it.

In the middle section of the book Mirabelle breaks into not one, but two houses near Belgravia Books. I had fun scoping these out – checking which windows looked least secure and figuring out how...

Mr Hawkins said nothing; the Hawkins’ domestic affairs were arranged upon the principle that Fanny supplied the talk and he the silence.

Colon thought Carrot was simple. Carrot often struck people as simple. And he was.Where people went wrong was thinking that simple meant the same thing as stupid.

The universe contains any amount of horrible ways to be woken up, such as the noise of the mob breaking down the front door, the scream of fire engines, or the realization that today is...

To do is to be – AristotleTo be or not to be – ShakespeareTo be is to do – Jean-Paul SartreDo be do be do – Frank Sinatra

Centurion! Would you like to be a cavalryman one last time? There are Venicones who escaped when your line was broken to be hunted down, and Tribune Licinius has ordered me to take the best...

Lebedev: France has a clear and defined policy… The French know what they want. They just want to wipe out the Krauts, finish, but Germany, my friend, is playing a very different tune. Germany has...

I was shy,” said six-foot-one of bashful male. He grunted as a sharp, feminine elbow thudded inconspicuously into his side.

I tried to think outside the box but couldn’t open the lid.

Age may catch up with you, just never let it over take you.

And Talon did not understand – no, strike that, he didn‘t want to understand – why seeing Hawk and Roadkill together gave him a funny ache in the pit of his stomach. Every time he...

Have a selective optimistic sight, transform the bitch glitch “in stitches.

Obelmäker is eating at his desk, a habit both Baumauer and Pissec find repulsive.

Sometimes I think about dying. And then I wonder about going to hell. And then I think that if and when I go there, the place will be completely organized and run by lost souls,...

Weirdism is definitely the cornerstone of many an artist’s career.

Miss Mackintosh waved her arms wildly.”Oh, please stop, and let me guess,” she cried. “I shall go crazy with joy if I’m right. It was an old Peerage, and so she found that Lady Deal...

For my sustenance at night,the whole that my hands can gleanfrom the gloom of the oak-gloomed oaks–the herbs and the plenteous fruits…

That’s what yer little sister said,’ said Hagrid, nodding at Ron. Met her jus’ yesterday.’ Hagrid looked sideways at Harry, his beard twitching. ‘Said she was jus’ lookin’ round the grounds, but I reckon she...

If you knew how many hidden depths I had your pretty eyes would pop right out of your winsome face. Not literally of course – that would be disgusting. I wouldn’t envy the man who...

you go to pieces so fast people get hit by the shrapnel.

Personally, I think knees should be kept for the eight or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice surprise, you know? ‘Oh, my darling, you have knees! I never would have thought!

Hundreds of hysterical persons must confuse these phenomena with messages from the beyond and take their glory to the bishop rather than the eye doctor.

The Boss,” because that title belongs to another Bruce.

The Duchess looked at Chloe with a look that said, You had the chance to tell him, but you chose to carry on the lie.How do I know that the Duchess’s look said this? Because...

Oh Mokona, you’re such a tease! ~Fai D. Flowright

The other one was filled with loud and obnoxious tourists. Always boasting on winning a sand castle competition and seeing who could get tanned first. What a whacky bunch of people.

If you were anyone else, your nuts would be taking a long vacation, and the destination would be out of your mouth

Technically, you don’t pay me.And technically, most of what I do is “think.”I…rrr. ummm.And when you get right down to it, I’m better at it than you are.-Ennesby & Captain Tagon

Where was his knife, upon which he relied? He had cut cheese for their noonday meal, and had packed the knife away with the cheese.Aillas said: ‘Sir, before we continue with this matter, may I...

Every child needs a father. Even if he turns out to be Darth Vader.

With sociology one can do anything and call it work

Without desire, one is a walking cadaver.

He had to be nice to me at the moment because he had to be surrounded by people. This was because boys like him were, essentially, pasta. Everyone thought they loved him because they had...

Marines either know how to use an iron or they get married […]. The iron is less dangerous.

Eros mumbled something.”I’m sorry?” said Aphrodite.”Whatwouldjesusdo.””What would Jesus do?” said Aphrodite. “Let me tell you something. Jesus was a very good boy. He would do exactly what his mother told him to.””But-“”Jesus was supposed to...

Laugh until you cry;never let your eyes look dryThis is not a matter of joke;this is all to provokeour sense of humourLife is its own consumer!

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

A good speech is like a miniskirt–long enough to over all the vital parts, short enough to entice and captivate listeners.

If heaven was created only for the most stupid clown, then Mr Bean could have been the only righteous man on earth.

All of it—for this. Leading us to a door we can’t open, a password we don’t have.

A nonhuman animal had better have a good lawyer. In 1508, Bartholomé Chassenée earned fame and fortune for his eloquent representation of the rats of his French province. These rats had been charged with destroying...

Today I tried to pick up something I was standing on. It didn’t work out well.

I wash the clothes, rinse them and then scrub them again. Will that square little box do that? I am not using any fancy machines when my hands will do.

He is really not so ugly after all, provided, of course, that one shuts one’s eyes, and does not look at him.

The strong man lit a cigarette. It looked too frail for his hand. They looked like King Kong and Fay Wray, that hand, that cigarette. There was a movie going on right under his nose...