According to Festus, our flying table, Buford, made it back safely while we were in Charleston, so those eagles didn’t get him. Unfortunately, he lost the laundry bag with your pants.””Dang it!” Frank Barked, which...

Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead.

He had also spent a day and a half without sleep trying to start an online petition to bring back the advert for Nationwide Building Society which said Dunroamin, twice, but half the through the...

Big surprise, I put you to sleep. Don’t feel bad. It happens all the time.

Everyone assumes writers spend their time lounging around, writing and occasionally striking a pose whilst having a think.

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

Where is Polonius?- In heaven; send hither to see: if your messenger find him not there, seek him i’ the other place yourself.

Boss, she’s a _Dragon_. They don’t _believe_ in assassination. They consider it a _crime_. If you go up to her and–“”Kragar,” I interrupted, “I never said that I was going to go up to her...

Hard,” she replied.

What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed.

I need some space.””Because of my past?””No, because of mine. When I’m around you I feel like I’m falling. I need to stop before I smash into the ground.””Are you always so honest?””No. Mostly I’m...

I don’t need to travel back in time to cause trouble. Seeing back through time finds me trouble enough!

It’s not up for discussion anymore. Just eat your ice cream. And don’t spill any on Brady.

When the road ahead seems impossible, start the engine

Tears streamed down my face. I was so happy I wanted to shout it from the rooftop. But at the same time I knew that that afternoon’s downpour would have made the slate tiles so...

The iron has entered my soul,’ announced George Knox impressively. ‘Let me tell you, my dear Laura, that when I lay here weak and ill, unable to raise a hand in my own defence, I...

Pissec approaches Pamela Geiger’s cubicle, itching in rhythm with her. He wants to ask her a question while Kalist is out of earshot. She’s not a grass, he’s sure, but stupid people die first.

Opposite Pissec sits ghoulish Gottfried Baumauer, a tall, skinny workaholic with dark-ringed eye sockets and long, yellowing smoker’s fingers. He’s thirty-eight. He doesn’t say much. He drinks a lot of tea – likes it strong...

This is 1987. A girl can be whatever she wants to be.” “I know,” said Ray. “My mums a plumber.

The homeland might be lacking snakes, but it held its share of venom.

I find her anecdotes more efficacious than sheep-counting, rain on a tin roof, or alanol tablets…. you will find me and Morpheus, off in a corner, necking.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Another one of your quippy japes?

As women glide from their twenties to thirties, Shazzer argues, the balance of power subtly shifts. Even the most outrageous minxes lose their nerve, wrestling with the first twinges of existential angst: fears of dying...

Why, thank you cariño,” he said.

[An example of misattribution:]If you don’t know the source of a quote,you can always make it sound better by attributing it to me.— Mark Twain

I’m not saying he was, like, crying tears of man pain over the phone, but he sounded upset.

On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.

I asked my publisher what would happen if he sold all the copies of my book he’d printed. He said “I’ll just print another ten.

Please sell $10,000 worth of stock — we have decided to lead a mad and extravagant life.

Clouds are high flying Fog

I’ll leave you two alone. Morality might be contagious.-Captain Tagon

Polysyllables obfuscate a preponderant ignorance with so much more style and panache.

Mike’s brain was hardwired directly into his genitals and most higher functions appeared to have switched themselves off. In other words, he was just like most men.

Wer nicht liebt Wein, Weib, und Gesang,Der bleibt ein Narr sein Lebenlang(He who loves not Wine, Women and SongRemains a fool his whole life long)

Life is like yoga; the only way you can enjoy it is by relaxing into any position you happen to find yourself in.

Men will always be boys.

It is the most fun I’m ever going to have. I love to write. I love it. I mean, there’s nothing in the world I like better, and that includes sex, probably because I’m so...

People don’t deserve the restraint we show by not going into delirium in front of them.

One quick glance around the room and I realise that I have somehow stumbled into a wannabe serial killer convention. Every single person in the room looks as if they are concealing a weapon of...

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Már az elöljárók között is túl sokan vannak, akikben nem lehet megbízni. Manapság nem a király vagy az állam érdekeit tartják szem előtt, csakis a saját boldogulásukat. – Az elöljárók? Hogy nem lehet bennük megbízni?...

I’m out of here.

Why, hell no, I cannot.” I didn’t remember anything like this happening in Pride and Prejudice.

One soldier picked up a dead Argentine, supported the corpse’s weight underneath his arm, put a cigarette in the dead man’s mouth, then one in his own. He then held a lighter under the corpse’s...

Anna, like most English speakers, thought GASP was a silly name for the project. But the name got the point across. If there were modern wonders of the world, GASP – and Kali – stood...

We are not subjects of an autocratic King, but are citizens of the country contributing to the advancement of our people who pay taxes out of their hard earned income.

Three,’ reckoned the captain, ‘ourselves make seven, counting Hawkins, here. Now, about honest hands?’Most likely Trelawney’s own men,” said the doctor; ‘those he had picked up for himself, before he lit on Silver.’Nay,’ replied the...

Inadequate.

The only thing worse than fighting a giant scorpion was fighting a giant scorpion who was trying to protect her young.