Jack might look my age, but he was like a little kid on a sugar high — in need of a good spanking. — Good heavens, that sounded creepy.

Years ago there was an old man I knew that told me he didn’t trust me, because people with beards were hiding from something. I told him, “That’s true, I’m hiding from the barber!!

So good.

Dude, you know I’m not getting paid for this shit, which is probably against the law. Child labor going on right here in the heartland of America!-Dan Garrett

I hated her out of principle; and that principle was bitterness.

Do you like him? Ty asked. “Not that I care.” “I do,” I said, because it was true. Even though it didn’t matter anymore. “Not that I care you don’t care. Though you clearly do...

He stood at the table facing Flora and blowing heavily on his tea and staring at her. Flora did not mind. It was quite interesting: like having tea with a rhinoceros.

If an angry bull is running toward you, and your pants become wet despite holding the red cloth, make sure the other side of the cloth is white.

Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with.

Worry wasn’t an emotion to which he was particularly accustomed—and it worried him.

You hit the Lord of The Titans with a blue plastic hairbrush.

May my hands fall from my wrists before I kill an artist like yourself,” said the man in black. “I would as soon destroy da Vinci. However”—and here he clubbed Inigo’s head with the butt...

Albert Camus did not know he was summing up modern photojournalism when he wrote:”Will I kill myself or have a cup of coffee

How many beers do y’all think it takes before one internationally scientist turns to another and says, ‘Dude, bet you twenty bucks I can levitate a frog with a magnet?’ ‘ Sam drawled.

He had a dashing smile. It nearly dashed right off his face.

One thing I’ll miss is his sense of humor, however warped it may be.

(About sweeping)….What he was in FACT doing was moving the dirt around with a broom, to give it a change of scenery and a chance to make new friends.

Jim: Green and red. (pulls on green lever which closes a door)Artie: Very impressive. (stops Jim from pulling the red lever). Uh…did it ever occur to you that red might mean danger?Jim: For instance?Artie: For...

To be successful in life, plan, implement, revise, update, and build on change.

TAKE Risk because you never know how absolutely perfect something could turn out to be..

I never inhaled.

There is no need to masturbate your brain, just to ejaculate your thoughts all over the place

There’s no such thing as a sane woman.

Here’s my using dickwad in a sentence. Greg is such a dickwad, he locks his car in the Pagoda Pizza parking lot. (No. That isn’t a real Vocab word.)

Damn, Marcus, how much have you been working out? You have the ass of a god.He turned to face her, and naturally her gaze fell to his jewels. She shook her head and sighed. You...

Great, I can look forward to having a swiss cheese wardrobe.

I love Naples, Florida! Although, I’m so far behind everyone else there. After all, I’m still wearing my first face!

But if we do not dream, then I think perhaps we are misusing our heads. They are not on our shoulders only to be farms for hair.

Why does getting ahead always have to involve getting up early?

You came up this gut-wrenching road yesterday by yourself?” Cassie exclaimed. “You deserve a good cuffing just for driving this goat path on your own.””It’s not so bad once you get used to dodging the...

Ron: [mimicking Hermione] “It’s Levi-OOOOH-sa not LevioSAR.” She’s a nightmare, honestly. It’s no wonder she hasn’t got any friends!

Pretty?’ I said, swivelling in the driver’s seat to face him, ‘you want to ask me out because I’m pretty?’ ‘Is there a problem with asking you out because you’re pretty?’ ‘I think you blew...

Don’t be so damned patronizing. Your performance so far has been a little less than dazzling.””I didn’t mean no harm,” I said and kissed her. “That a new dress?””Ah! Changing the subject, you coward.

Does my grandma count as a bodyguard?

One should never marry a man who doesn’t own a decent set of scissors.

In truth, he had always considered the sight of men eating croissants slightly ridiculous, especially at the beginning, when for the first bite they had to maneuver the point of the crescent into their mouths....

I just called you corny and said you were wearing a green dress. That’s, like, the least flirtatious thing anyone’s ever said.””I’m willing to believe it’s the least flirtatious thing you’ve ever said.””Why are you...

relations are the failures of life.

You gotta run more than your mouth to escape the treadmill of mediocrity. A true hustler jogs during the day, and sleepwalks at night.

Men exist because a vibrator can’t fix a flat tire. On second thought, I should just buy a AAA card…

Andamio

Sorry, I didn’t see the big X with the words Top Secret Government Laboratory on the map, did you?

There are times when I am so unlike myself that I might be taken for someone else of an entirely opposite character.

Holy hell,” Shawn whispered, his eyes glued to Ziang’s front. Particularly to what Ziang didn’t have between his legs. “Dude, where’s your dick?

Let her? Mate, if you think you can control a woman, you must be single—-and a thousand pounds says she beats your arse.

There are some people who believe that home is where one hangs one’s hat, but these people tend to live in closets and on little pegs.

…but once more I say do as you please, for we women are born to this burden of being obedient to our husbands, though they be blockheads

I need you to get inside Wayne’s head. I need someone who thinks a bit left field and in your own unpleasant way, Helen Walsh, you’re a genius.He had a point. I’m lazy and illogical....

Wisdom of the Ages “The Marshawn” US Army’s new main battle tank. Runs over enemies instead of shooting them. Biggest expense: maintaining the dreadlocks hanging off the turret.

Sam was waiting for her,his gaze sweeping over her. “Looks great.” “I look like a geek,” Lucy said. “I smell like a brewery. And I need a bra.””My dream date.