I’m not a ref, but I assigned her the penalty of clipping, and I told her to drop the scissors and step away from the newspaper ads.

I invented scissors with wheels, so I could cut to the chase. Next time we make love it will be the first time, and I’ll bring a sock soaked in coffee.

Love is like trying to put out a fire with a pair of scissors. I have a thing for redheads with short hair.

Well I would have used silverware if you hadn’t sold all the forks and spoons to pay for your Ethel Merman addiction.”

Love rocks. Stones also rock. I wish I could scissors paper my way into your heart.

I’m so silent I can hardly hear myself think. But that’s why I bought the scissors and the condom.

As I was standing in my kitchen cooking yesterday, a quiet task that causes my mind to begin reminiscing (similar to washing dishes, cleaning the bathrooms and mowing), I reached for the kitchen scissors and...

John [the father] kept saying, “You have a penis. That means you’re a boy.” One day, Shannon noticed that her son had been in the bathroom an awfully long time and pushed the door open....

her daughter”.

Nobody would use scissors to mow a golf course, I need a haircut, and I’ve only got 18 holes to do it in. If I had a wheelchair, maybe I could improve my handicap.

One should never marry a man who doesn’t own a decent set of scissors.