Because the rest of us all are hideous, are we?” Jem inquired, looking amused.

The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them....

I never met a man that I didn’t like.

I just got done digging a hole shaped like a human body. But I have no idea what to bury. I’ll probably hide all my love for you, like I would with any other treasure.

You look and sound like you could you use a stiff one.”–Mark Willburn

Love is to beer as I am to drunk. And you say I’m not romantic. Shoot, I’m so romantic I could just puke.

My love is divided into three parts. I’ll give you part one and two for free, but for the fourth installation, you’ll have to pay for it.

Here comes a pair of very strange beast, which in all tongues are called “fools”.

I couldn’t believe I’d come this far, lost Tyson, suffered through so much, only to fail – stopped by a big stupid monster in a baby-blue tuxedo kilt. Nobody was going to swat down my...

It can’t be good for your kids. Or your wife.

He found my g-spot,alright, he found it, then made it sing Zippity-Doo-Dah.

I could fuck on my back like 4:44. But I don’t. I do it like 3:33.

I want to make a splash in the world, and I want to make one with my dry wit. My dry wit is wetter than you’d imagine.

An Airstream is a lot like a first love: you are lured by her charm, seduced by her beauty, and once bitten, you are forever chasing after her mystique.

And, whoa!” He turned to Mr.D. “Your the wine dude? No way!”Mr.D turned hi eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of loathing. “The wine dude?””Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I’ve got your figurine!””My...

Life is All About How you Handle Plan BPlan A is always my first choice.You know, the one whereEverything works out to beHappily ever-after.But more often than not,I find myself dealing withThe upside-down, inside-out version...

I see you’re a man with ideals. I better be going before you’ve still got them.

My internal voice raised its decibel level. Sam O. Same

I hate office politics. Still, I’m running for office mayor.

and, unlike the celebrated herd in the poem, they were not forty children conducting themselves as one, but every child was conducting itself like forty.

Are you guys busy?” Juniper asked. “Well,” I said, “we’re in the middle of this game against a bunch of monsters and we’re trying not to die.” “We’re not busy,” Annabeth said.

you are responsible for you own happiness

Next!” The taller of the guys at the door called. Saved by the yell.

When I get to heaven, and I see a being of light, I’m going to ask him if he’s the urologist.

I had a dream about you. I was in love with you, but you didn’t even know I existed. In fact, like a politician with integrity, I didn’t exist, and that’s the best part, because...

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But...

He was dressed just like on TV, with lots of silver chains and bracelets, ripped jeans, and a black muscle shirt (Which was kind of stupid, since he didn’t have any muscles).

ChEEZ-zes crusty. Got Al -musty. Got DAMp on the StoneofapeaCH.

film a chase scene for a movie.

You’re as likely to see me sleeping on the job as a snooze is liable to grow legs 26.2 miles long and run a larm. What’s a larm? A buzzing sound the length of a...

When I look in the mirror, I see not only the person I am, but the person I could be. The person I could be is clean-shaven, and I like him better than me.

Why are you limping like that?’ Nicholas demanded.’I’m swaggering,’ I informed him.’You look like you’re wearing a diaper.’Charming. And I had a crush on this guy.Wait. I had a crush on this guy?’Now what?’ he...

I can input star charts and order you a smoothie, if you want. Of course I can do latitude and longitude!

Nothing will get you anywhere with me,” I exclaimed. “I don’t know about that.” He put on an introspective look that was both unexpected and intriguing. “You’re not as much of a lost cause as...

He’d kill you all right. No sweat. But for the wrong reasons. Amateur’s reasons. Of course, you’ll be just as dead.

The only thing cats love more than food is sleep. We have that in common.

The lake I live by has dried up after years of selling bottled water from my back yard. So to encourage my neighbors to get excited about this development, I correctly pointed out that my...

And have your mother put my head on a stake? Do you have any notion what that would do to my handsome good looks?

Percy: Put your cap back on… get out! Annabeth: What? No! I’m not leaving you. Percy: I’ve got a plan. I’ll distract them. You can use the metal spider… maybe it’ll lead you back to...

You can’t make me do anything. I’m an adult. And I’m much stronger than you.””Upper body strength isn’t everything; I have wiles.””Not really.””Yes, I do. I’m a woman. Women have wiles.””Some women. It’s not like...

[I] don’t think I was trying to kill myself. I just wanted to hurt, and understand exactly whay I was hurting. This made sense: you cut, you felt pain, period.

Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl...

You like vodka, and I like carpet cleaner. You should try it. It’ll put hair on your chest—really clean hair. Grandpa said it would make me a better lover, but I made me a better...

The decor was attractive and strong, but blander than she would have thought his wealth and position afforded him. Caren couldn’t see the point of having that much money if all of it led to...

I went in the dark room. It wasn’t filled with photograph negatives, but it was filled with nighttime.

Not just in America. When I left my primary school, my father said, ‘Son, you are now a man,’ then he gave me a scented candle and told me how babies are made.” Vik fought...

We’ll buy a cot. Your husband can sleep on that when he visits.

Amen,’ I exclaim, accidentally spitting out a Raisinet. I pick up the chocolate with a Kleenex and stuff it in my purse. Ten bucks says a month from now I’ll have forgotten about it and...

The first ten million years were the worst,” said Marvin, “and the second ten million years, they were the worst too. The third ten million years I didn’t enjoy at all. After that I went...

Writing a first-draft battle scene is akin to real combat—chaos, confusion, and you must keep your cool as you fire word bullets downrange.