I single-handedly lost the clapping competition. After that nobody wanted to co-clap with me, so I got zero high-fives.

I am the Hooray Distributor. Hold your hands flat, not like begging for money, but as if you’re about to applaud. Now clap, damn you.

19-year ninja veterans are best at representing 16-year-old cave shadows. So let us not delay in making love to the sound of clapping. Though we need no applause for our performance.

Strive and thrive on high fives. Oh sure, I’d rather eat a round of applause, but when you’re starving you’ll eat anything. Even still, I’d rather eat a bucket of boos than anything from McDonald’s.

When he misbehaves, I’ll clap and then point at my cat, as if transmitting the sting of the slap towards him in punishment.

Word of mouth is often louder than word of hand, although applause can be deafening. I clap like Helen Keller drank coffee—with two spoonfuls of silence.

I won’t clap when you die. I mean I would cheer, but applause would be inappropriate at your funeral, an event I’d miss because I’ll be celebrating.

As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves.

My left hand is my bad hand. I spank it with my right hand. You might call it clapping, but I call it discipline.

I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.

It’s not wise for me to extend a congratulatory handshake while your hands are busy clapping for me. I’ll wait for your applause to die down—or for my mother-in-law to die before we shake in...

I measured the length of my hand today, and just as I thought, it’s exactly as long as my other hand. I was so excited I started clapping.

I am Clap Man. It’s a reverse super power, because instead of me doing the heavy lifting, I just applaud and encourage and others do all the work.

Clap an extinguisher upon your irony if you are unhappily blessed with a vein of it.

When I think about my dad, I start clapping. I’m not applauding because he lived, but because he died.