Sexy is fine. So is OK.

Thank God for imminent doomsday.

Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers.

Life… is like a grapefruit. Well, it’s sort of orangey-yellow and dimpled on the outside, wet and squidgy in the middle. It’s got pips inside, too. Oh, and some people have half a one for...

When I die, remember to remove my body from the cooler before you start making the hunch punch. But by all means, do get drunk on my memory.

I’M NOT BAKING ANYTHING, YOU MORON! WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?”My God, you have surrounded me with idiots.

It ain’t polite to taste people. Shit.

Meatloaf is graphable in how far ahead it is in likeability categories. You can also play Mop the Floor with it. I make love like I make dinner that makes cleaning the kitchen more fun...

If the Baudelaire orphans had been stalks of celery, they would not have been small children in great distress, and if they had been lucky, Carmelita Spats would have not approached their table at this...

As Atwood concludes after a random and informal sampling, men and women differ markedly in the ‘scope of their threatenability’: ‘Why do men feel threatened by woman?’ I asked a male friend of mine….'[M]en are...

I respect a man not for the clothes he wears, but for the clothes he doesn’t wear. Yes, nudity is an admirable thing indeed.

As an author, I like self-help, because clapping can be done by myself, for myself. I should buy gloves.

I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.

No good deed goes unpunished.

To talk about love isn’t as good as to make about love. During sexual intercourse, I’m very approximate.

You’re Professor Mills? The new one who teaches history?”As opposed to the old Professor Mills who preached overthrow of the government?

Auugghh!” he yelled, his voice stronger than it had been since his return from the harbor. “Are you trying to kill me, woman?””If I mean to kill someone, I do it,” Rosethorn told him. “I...

Thank God I’m not blind anymore!

I’m not in the City of Love, but I am in love. That’s why I look like I’m crazy, because being crazy is a prerequisite to being in love.

You know, maybe we don’t need enemies.””Yeah, best friends aree about all I can take.

For me, the best thing about Cyberpunk is that it taught me how to enjoy shopping malls, which used to terrify me. Now I just imagine the whole thing is two miles below the moon’s...

We made love. With our hands. Then we sold it to cars stopped at the red light.

I’ve never seen Star Wars or The Godfather, so that would be a good excuse for us to spend a bunch of time together.

It is the right of a traveller to vent their frustration at every minor inconvenience by writing of it to their friends.

No,” said Luis, “You can’t date the Lord of the Night Court.””Well, I’m not, he dumped me.””You can’t get dumped by the lord of the night court.””Oh, yes, you can. You so completely can.

I think someone should invent an edible remote control, to go along with TV dinners.

You are a more powerful person than you might have ever imagined.” Maxwell D. Kalist.

In Hollywood if you don’t have a shrink, people think you’re crazy.

Do you know what I want to do? If you guessed have sex, you win a brand new baby!

It’s easy enough to get along with a loved and loving child—at least till you try to get him to do something.

I told you growing starts from the inside first, honey, and in that way, you’ve been growing like wildfire.

I gave her a sideways bitter beer smirk, and then I ripped a whole chicken apart and threw it at the waiter and said, This place is too weird for me.

I drink wine like beer, only twice as much less.

Kalist is in his office with the door shut, secretly adding the final touches to his new Brichacek doll; she’s got rosy, plaster cheeks and his nose hairs for pubes, although he thinks he might...

We’ve got an unbeatable team.”- Sauron

A baseball club for girls?

I’ll keep my head down,” Mally assured him. “I’ll be careful.””If anything happens—“”If anything happens I’ll tell you immediately.”Ivan seemed pleased at that and relaxed against a tree trunk.”Good. I don’t want your mother chasing...

Norman picked up a sketch, glanced at it, then put it back down on the table. “I saw Bea Williamson this morning,” he said in a low voice. “Lurking about looking for cut glass.” “Oh,...

Don’t blame you,” said Marvin and counted five hundred and ninety-seven thousand million sheep before falling asleep again a second later.

I never got to call myself a door-to-door salesman, because, regrettably, I only ever went to one door. But one day I just might knock on another door, to be able to proudly say that...

When the mind is free, magic happens.

Successfully resisted a honeypot approach by Russian intelligence. One lingering concern: how did the Russians find out I like honey?

When the gain is greater than the pain, I’ll be there, telling you how we can both profit from your productivity. That’s what love is about.

Sure I eat my feelings, but I save the emotional roller coaster for dessert

Have you ever noticed how ‘What the hell’ is always the right decision to make?

You barbarians!’ he yelled. ‘I’ll sue the council for every penny it’s got! I’ll have you hung, drawn and quartered! And whipped! And boiled…until…until…until…until you’ve had enough.’Ford was running after him. Very very fast.’And then...

I’ve written for those who want to learn, truly learn, about a community with which they aren’t familiar. Or for those who have preconceptions but can admit they may not be entirely accurate (and, in...

Six wives the King’s had now.’ Barak’s words dragged me from my reverie. ‘We can’t even get one between us.

I’m willing to forgive and forget, but damned if I’ll be forgiven and forgotten.

I meet people to know I’m not alone, and I network like an astronaut on the moon. Tom James is the Neil Armstrong of #Networking.