I had a dream about you. You invited me to a picnic, so I brought two bottles of mustard—one for me, and one for the guy who always holds your leash. When I got there...

My toothpaste tastes like baloney, so I brush my teeth with wheat bread. Guess what flavor my love is, and what kind of mechanical apparatus I use to make it.

People comment today that we shouldn’t focus on money so much but rather think of our fellow people who are less fortunate. So much baloney.