I think we’re too young to be dating. I mean I don’t see what the rush is.” Summer says. “Yeah, I agree,” said August. “Which is kind of a shame, you know what with all...

Searching through Monster.com while on the clock feels like being on Tinder while still married.

I love to read. My favorite thing.

I tossed my shoulders and swaggered away, whistling with pleasure. In the gutter I saw a long cigaret butt. I picked it up without shame, lit it as I stood with one foot in the...

It’s amazing how fast a handshake turns into a handjob. Ah, you’ve got to love politics.

Evelyn: There’s nothing wrong with embracing one’s emotions.Brittany: Mom, You don’t just embrace your emotions, you make love to them hard-core.

Um, uh, gah.

Weetzie could see him–it was a man, a little man in a turban, with a jewel in his nose, harem pants, and curly-toed slippers. “Lanky Lizards!” Weetzie exclaimed.”Greetings,” said the man in an odd voice,...

The secret to happiness is a good sense of humor with adult content.

I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.

The political climate is stable, when you keep the ruling animals in a stable. I no longer vote for anything that can’t be ridden by a monkey dressed like a cowboy.

No. In fact, he was hard to shake. He, uh, stalked me, that kind of thing. I had to pretend he didn’texist.”Nicolai kissed her temple and relaxed against her.

The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.

After about eight hours, I lose my focus and all of the sudden I find myself not being able to sleep at all. It’s as if I’ve temporarily lost my skill for laying still and...

If you want to save your child from polio, you can pray or you can inoculate. … Choose science.

As Shakespeare says, if you’re going to do a thing you might as well pop right at it and get it over.

It’s a most peculiar psychology—this business of ‘Science is based on faith too, so there!’ Typically this is said by people who claim that faith is a good thing. Then why do they say ‘Science...

A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as a means to build the future.

…the chapters on whaling in MOBY DICK can be omitted by all but the most punishment-loving readers.

Love is seeing her smile as if it’s a sunrise. It’s beautiful, but geez, I wish she’d quit grinning at me while I’m trying to sleep.

It kind of struck me how great it would be to go out with a guy that size. And if you, you know, got tired of dating him, you could always use him as a...

A hat should be taken off when greeting a lady, and left off the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat.

I talked so much about my product that I sold myself. I bought the very thing I was selling, and I think I overpaid.

As rain began to fall, Aldric worried the old machines would not be able to survive the weather. “Hand me that oil can!” he shouted to Siomon.Magic machines need oil?” asked Simon.Of course they need...

I have seen many cases like N. during the five years I’ve been in practice. I sometimes picture these unfortunates as men and women being pecked to death by predatory birds. The birds are invisible...

It can hardly be a coincidence that no language on earth has ever produced the expression, ‘As pretty as an airport.

Normal….What the majority of people look, act, and talk and like.So what if the majority became what we see as wierd now?Would our normal, become our new wierd?

World’s worst writer.” If you’re wondering why I rate all my work one star, it’s because the rating system doesn’t have a zero star option, or better yet, go into negative numbers.

I have two hands so I can provide companionship to myself by holding one hand with the other. As a lover, I am self-sufficient.

You have some balls.”Frankie hated that expression, ever since Zada had pointed out to her that it equates courage with the male equipment…

As Hazel marched down the hill, she cursed in Latin. Percy didn’t understand all of it, but he got son of a gorgon, power-hungry snake, and a few choice suggestions about where Octavian could stick...

Love tip # 29: Increase your chances of getting to second date by not having stinky garlic breath during the end of the first date. Especially if you’re dating a vampire.

He has a very nice face and style, really,” said Mrs. Kenwigs.”He certainly has,” added Miss Petowker. “There’s something in his appearance quite–dear, dear, what’s the word again?””What word?” inquired Mr. Lillyvick.”Why–dear me, how stupid...

Plus as she put it, Prince Eric was far too hairy and peach colored for her taste. I always thought he was pretty hott, but then again, I am a mammal.

I like to keep a shotgun in my room for protection. You know, just in case my apartment gets broken into by a pack of deer, which is something I’m constantly worrying about.

(Nicholas)”Am I dead?”An odd question, but then she rememberd her mourning attire. “No sir, you are not.”He relaxed a moment, then turned his head slightly as if searching for other passengers. His brows dived in...

Abraham,” he said. “I’m pleased to see you alive, old friend.””And I to see you dead.

There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young...

If I were as tall as the day is night, I’d be a midget.

I’ve got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.

Pity.

In my view, a Cyclops is halfway to being blind. Love sees all. When someone insults me and I go silent, I’m in Helen Keller mode. Listen!

Nixon’s offences had been so long in the past, so much part of a different era that he now seemed like some lovable but bigoted uncle you tolerated at Christmas and Thanksgiving.

It’s almost never the kind of person you are but the kind of job you do decides how much you get paid.

I don’t like salad dressing. I prefer salad undressing. I’m a health freak. And I do mean freak.

I didn’t make two mistakes all day yesterday. I just made one long one that lasted 24 hours.

There are few things less comforting than a tiger who’s been up too late.

Because this absolutely insane – the craziest thing I’d ever done. Worse than giving a one-star review, scarier than asking for an interview with an author I’d give my firstborn to eat lunch with, more...

It’s awful to be rich and mind-boggingly handsome and have women fawn over you. My heart bleeds for you. Poor dear, how do you manage?

Adam, you could be a lesbian vampire succubus who moonlights as a golem and I would still want to suck your cock twenty-four-seven.