Babe!

Money is the root of all evil.’ Then we hear, ‘A fool and his money are soon parted.’ What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn’t it be, ‘A wise man and...

My name is Percy Jackson. I’m twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.Am I a troubled...

Max replies, “Why the fuck n- Oh man, are you gettin’ lucky?”I quickly do up Asher’s jeans and stand. Max bursts into laughter when he sees my head ascend and chuckles, “Shit, guys. Warn a...

I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in.

As a journalist, I am compelled to know the answers.””As a girl, I am compelled to protect what’s left of my manicure,” Petra said.

Well, thank the gods,’ he sighed.’Oh? And what would it be you’re thanking them for?’ Bahzell inquired, and Brandark grinned.’For making roads and letting us find one. Not that I’m complaining, you understand, but this...

Conflict of interest. I wanted to date somebody who was less screwed up than me, and she wasn’t.

A brick could be used to show how patient you are. Somewhere between one brick and a million bricks lies a home. For me, my home is one brick, and I carry it with me...

What are you talking about?” Narcissus demanded. “I am amazing. Everyone knows this.””Amazing at pure suck,” Leo said. “If I was as suck as you, I’d drown myself. Oh wait, you already did that.

I will play Truth or Dare, you sucker, until you can’t tell your truth from your dare. -CAROLINE

I travel by foot. It’s like a wheelchair in a microwave it’s so easy to camel. I sleep on a pillow made of coffee, and I’d ask you to turn out the light when you’re...

Those who believe everything they read probably should refrain from reading.

I’m working from the assumption it’s going to go horribly wrong. If we get out of here with limbs intact and no aspen slivers in uncomfortable places, we’re calling it a win.”Merit/Jonah

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

Caveat Emptor.”

Me neither,” Leo admitted.

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.

A window—it’s more entertaining than TV. Just ask a cat looking out, or a man looking in on a life he desires.

Man is an endangered species.

On my recent trip to Washington DC, I wore a hat I made out of a tin funnel that I covered with fur. Why? Because I was going to where the world’s largest collection of...

I could not be a zombie. They had no thoughts. Their brains were gruel. They said little beyond “Brrr!” unable, even, to articulate completely what they sought.”Brains,”I said distinctly. “And I feel no burning urge...

Sorry. Didn’t mean to step on any dead toes.

Frank stared at her. “But you throw Ding Dongs at monsters.”Iris looked horrified. “Oh, they’re not Ding Dongs.”She rummaged under the counter and brought out a package of chocolate covered cakes that looked exactly like...

I stared up at the sky and raised my middle finger, just in case God was watching. I don’t like being spied on.

I’m tired of talking. I want you to extract my thoughts through my nostrils.

I can pull over,” he answers smartly.

I cleaned out my belly button last night, and I found the meaning of life. Gosh, I wonder how long it’s been hidden there.

Because I trust in the ever-changing climate of the heart. (At least, today I feel that way.) I think it is necessary to have many experiences for the sake of feeling something; for the sake...

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes…dies.

Just don’t ask me to deliver any more satyr babies and we’ll get along great.

There would be a spike in the number of girls who went out for a walk in the woods and were never heard from again. There always were when stories came out portraying the terra...

Sit back and enjoy. And remember: Always be careful what you say around your kids.

The Proclaimers thunder through my head.Imagine it.Imagine killing someone to the tune of two Scottish nerds wearing glasses and flattop haircuts. How will I ever listen to that song again? What will I do if...

I heard a choking sound behind me. When I looked back, Cannoli was hanging from the backpack harness with her hind legs circling frantically in the air. She looked like she was riding a bike...

Enjoy life, even in the most chaotic, hectic moments. Take time to breathe. Take time to consider what is important versus what is rubbish. Those are the times where slowing down is healthiest. Those are...

I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

No funny business. I’ll scream and dead or not it will hurt your ears

THE PRESOCRATIC PROBLEM[all snap flags]Parmenides named his gun The Hot Power of the Stars. His gun was one, uncreated, imperishable, timeless, changeless, perfect, spherical. Spherical was the problem.

He found Luciana sitting alone at a table in the Allied officers’ night club, where the drunken Anzac major who had brought her there had been stupid enough to desert her for the ribald company...

Life is brighter on the lighter side.

You run for political office, insulated from the consequences that actions incur in the real world.

Usually my form of turning someone down was shoving a stake through his heart while smirking, Gotcha!

The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.

Like…um, the Little Mermaid?

I’m so ready you could drive a truck straight up my ass and I would bend over and push back until it was in to the rear bumper.

I both made the knife-fighting team, and I got cut. If only love were so easy to understand.

Because sometimes in life, Ken didn’t always choose Barbie. (Jane Alcott)

If a policy isn’t working, don’t change the policy—change its name. That should be taught in Politics 101.

We have now left Reason and Sanity Junction. Next stop, Looneyville.