If you want more development in your relationship, move to an urban area.

He’s a year shorter than me, but he’s a foot younger. I love him like the brother of an only child.

Diazapam (that’s valium), temazepam, lithium, ECT, HRT – how long must I stay on this stuff? Don’t give me anymore!

The mascot for the New York Mets should be a handshake. But first, let me wash my hands.

A blanket could be used to silence your internal critic. And if you don’t shut him up, I’ll do it for you. Geez, I’m trying to read over here, and I can’t focus with his...

Ilenia era stata una loro compagna di liceo. Single convinta da due anni e precisamente da quando aveva beccato Fabrizio, il fidanzato storico, a letto con “Robin Hood”. Ovvero con un altro uomo completamente nudo,...

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Mom and Dad exchange a nervous glance and have a telepathic conversation about it. I hear every word. Do we let her out? It’s past curfew. True, but look at that—at least she asked! I...

You’re one of the lucky ones.

Through the window yesterday I saw a fool talking to himself, and it made me laugh, until I realized it was a mirrored window.

In winter this town is freezing. You step out your door in the morning and the whole place looks like one of those nature specials in which a guy brings a camcorder to the North...

The main bridge of the original Starship Enterprise had pictures of galaxies above each workstation. Probably in case the ship got lost.

Agatha, what do you see when you look in the mirror?””I don’t look in mirrors.””Why is that?””Because horses and hogs don’t sit around ogling their reflections!

Aphorism, n. Predigested wisdom.

My flashlight’s not working. I don’t know if the batteries are dead, but my mother-in-law sure as hell isn’t. When she dies, my love can live.

Marcus and Ellie exchanged a worried look and examined the bag again. Sure enough, the gold was gone.

I’d rather own something that’s worth millions to nobody, than something that’s worth nothing to millions.

Psychobabble attempts to redefine the entire English language just to make a correct statement incorrect. Psychology is the study of why someone would try to do this.

Could I have the whole kit, but none of the caboodle?

The sexiest advice:Dear humans, stop role-playing in your lives; these sort of things are meant to be explored only at times you won’t mention in public.

Sometimes it’s the tiniest things that can mean the difference between life and death.

We’ll make plans on sticky notes and we’ll stick to them. We’ll get married, but only after we buy some milk, cereal, and a book of baby names.

You can find humor in everything. everything.

I would be an organ donor, but I’d much rather donate a piano.

A brown blanket could be used in place of chocolate frosting on a cake, and since nobody will want to eat it, you’ll be left with more cake for yourself.

Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She...

I am so awesome. That’s five syllables!” He bowed, looking very pleased with himself.

Mine,” Zane told the cat.

I’ll not listen to reason… reason always means what someone else has got to say.

It hardly matters, sweet; once they’ve come off, the attention isn’t likely to center on my absurdly handsome knees.

Never miss a party…good for the nerves–like celery.

I don’t like like like I love love, but I’ll bet we have that in common. You have so much love to give that I’m surprised I haven’t received any of it.

A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying what you bought yesterday.

Almost everything strange washes up near Miami.

You possess other people’s…bodies.”He accepted that statement with a nod.”Do you want to possess my body?””I want to do a lot of things to your body, but that’s not one of them.

I’m not flat broke. I’m a little hilly.

Victor patted my hand. ‘I like you, Sky. You’re a fighter.”I am, aren’t I? Hear that, Zed? No more bambi comparisons. I’m a Rottweiler -with a temper.”A very small Rottweiler,’ said Zed, still not convinced.

A brick could be used as a brick. Clever, right?

My shadow falling over a spot of land always increases its real estate value. Buy it now, because at high noon, all value will vanish.

What happens when the hitcher and the driver are equally murderous?

Grover wore his fake feet and his pants to pass as human. He wore a green rasta-style cap, because when it rained his curly hair flattened and you could just see the tips of his...

Who can fail to mist at Fergie’s anthem, ‘My humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.’ Hmmm. ‘My lunch, my lunch, I swear it’s coming up.

I would have made you a cheesecake, but I don’t know how. And I would have bought you a cheesecake, but I have no job and no money. So please accept this stack of coupons...

Mom has the Touch. She knows what flowers go with what occasions, what hors d’oeuvres work with what people. She believes passionately in the power of food to heal, restore, and stimulate relationships, and she...

yes” in eyes. Except when I blink. Blinking is definitely a no action.

Don’t make a feller wait too long. A feller waiting on a gal can get ornery’er than a huntin’ dog that’s tree’d it’s squirrel.

And a special thanks for not burning up the whole ship. Including yourself, you daft bum-rag.

You can’t believe that AIDS is a curse from God against Gays without accepting that Lyme Disease is a curse from the same God against Deer Hunters…

Just like the cosmonauts and their pee plants, all we have is each other.

I’m not a lawyer, but I took the case. How could I resist? The case was full of cash and just sitting there.