If I facepalm myself too much, maybe the pimples will go away.

I got offended when she laughed, because she was showing pleasure, but she was also showing displeasure—in all the previous moments where she hadn’t laughed.

She was of traditional build herself, but her figure was largely concealed by the folds of a generously cut shift dress made out of a flecked green fabric. It was like a tent, thought Mma...

Huxley: “Tell me something Bryce, do you know the difference between a Jersey, a Guernsey, a Holstein, and an Ayershire?”Bryce: “No.”Huxley: “Seabags Brown does.”Bryce: “I don’t see what that has to do…”Huxley: “What do you...

The government should either force the population to get healthy, or tax them for not complying. If the people still refuse to shape up, they should be imprisoned. Nothing is healthier for society than more...

When a whisper seems like a shout, I know I need to get some sleep. But I can’t lay down without first taking off my bunny ears.

There’s a reason why your toes are forward and your heels backward.It means, step on your past with your heels and approach your furute with your toes.

That’s where I went to buy my last watch.

Yes. Reyn is our resident horse master. He has an excellent seat.”I grinned. “I’ve noticed.”Reyn’s face tightened and Nell flushed, looking embarrassed. “It’s an equestrian term.””Really? I thought you were talking about his ass.

Islam expect every Muslim to do this duty, and if we realise our responsibility time will come soon when we shall justify ourselves worthy of a glorious past.

A whore Ailean may have been, but a loving, caring whore who adored his offspring and mate.

The speaker was so boring that he put me to sleep. But he didn’t stop talking, so I had to wake up and tell him to keep his voice down, or stop talking altogether, while...

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

All men have their frailties; and whoever looks for a friend without imperfections, will never find what he seeks.

It seems only fair,” Matthew continued. “A bit of karma, if you will.” He twirled the stake again. “Shall we see how long you scream?””Are you ever going to shut up?” I snapped, fear and...

Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with a car. Throw you off a bridge so high,Hope you break your neck and die.

Is there something wrong with you? Mentally?”Darlin’, you met my family. You’ve gotta be more specific than that.(Jess to Smitty)

I’m male. I have no idea what you females are thinking.

A towel, [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth...

You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

I am becoming morbidly obese as we speak. So what’s the solution? To stop talking.

Let’s carpe the hell out of this diem.

Quit analyzing me. My crazy needs no definition.

Writing a first draft is like groping one’s way into a dark room, or overhearing a faint conversation, or telling a joke whose punchline you’ve forgotten. As someone said, one writes mainly to rewrite, for...

Now that I think of it—I don’t know why I would besurprised.

I toss and turn so much in my sleep that the very act of sleeping must be exhausting for me. Sleeping makes me want to sleep even more.

You were wrong. She really is the new general in town.”I smiled back, hoping he wasn’t aware of my body’s reaction to us standing so close. “Maybe. But, it’s okay. You can still be colonel.”He...

His voice was so gravelly I could drive a truck on it. And I would have, but I came carrying my bicycle.

There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge.

If this is where you ask me to run around in my birthday suit, I’m not entirely comfortable with that,” I said, smirking.

Deadlines just aren’t real to me until I’m staring one in the face.

I keep my heart in my hope chest. Other items in there are clothes, towels, silverware, and all the love I have to offer my future wife. I must specify that my love is hand...

If jellybeans came in a broader flavor base that included emotions too, I’d avoid the red ones, because they would taste like rage.

You can’t save everyone, though God knows you try.

I’ll be 30 in March, and it feels just like yesterday that I thought tomorrow will soon be today.

Ms. Wormwood: Calvin, can you tell us what Lewis and Clark did? Calvin: No, but I can recite the secret superhero origin of each member of Captain Napalm’s Thermonuclear League of Liberty. Ms. Wormwood: See...

Why go for something cold and dead, when you can have something hot and panting?

Jeez, Hazel,” Percy said, “tell your horse to watch his language.”Hazel tried not to laugh. “What did he say?””With the cussing removed? He said he can get us to the top.”Frank looked incredulous. “I thought...

My love is a good neighbor—there is a fence around my heart. I’m not cold-hearted, despite having a touch of Frost in there.

Pride must be a summer thing, because it “comes before the fall.

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?

It’s easier to hide your smoking habit on a foggy day. Let that be a lesson for you and your secret lover.

I liked things better when I didn’t understand them.

I’m not going to wear a red dress,” she said.”It would look stunning, My Lady,” she called.She spoke to the bubbles gathered on the surface of the water. “If there’s anyone I wish to stun...

My first words, as I was being born […] I looked up at my mother and said, ‘that’s the last time I’m going up one of those.

I never intended to become a zombie huntress; I had only intended to protest prom, high school’s last bastion of patriarchal society.

I keep my phone on vibrate, and I keep it close to my genitals. You should call me. A lot.

Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn’t going to be on theroad an hour.

The cucumber is just about the healthiest sex toy ever.

Don’t mock my suggestions, Ridley – one day in the near future, they might just save your life.” Maxwell D. Kalist.