Ouch! I feel bitch slapped– Matt Carter

There are billions of men in the world, probably millions near my age. Maybe hundreds who are compatible with me. Maybe at least a dozen who would want to date me. There’s got to be...

I like cup holders—in cars, as well as in jockstraps. I would have played football, but the only helmet I had belonged to a bicycle that coach said was illegal on the field.

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.

Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight.

With women, there is no sexual mystery—a vagina is a vagina. But with men, a woman’s got to wonder, is his penis small, medium, or Orafoura?

The ideal home: big enough for you to hear the children, but not very well.

You can’t be creative without criticism. If your life is without critics then maybe you are painting your life’s masterpiece with only a broken brown crayon.

You know you have ADD when Look A chicken – T-shirt

Help yourself to a bottle of wine. They’re all empty.

Mine.

Spike (to Giles) : Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes — ‘Cuppa tea, cuppa tea… almost got shagged… cuppa tea’?

Don’t be stupider than you need to be, I remind myself. Remember Calease? The last glowing girl you talked to tried to kill you.

☺☺ When a man gets you 99, he starts to think, he may only have another 10 years of sexy lovemaking left… Still Smiling At 99. ☺☺

Cara, in the lead, came to a halt beside them, looking from one to the other. “Still with the clothes, Lord Rahl?

My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.- Charley Davidson

What do you call someone who watches you in your private moments? They used to be called a pervert, but now they’re called an NSA agent.

Does the king know you’re back?””Nope! I’m trying to think of a properly dramatic way to inform him. Perhaps a hundred chasmfiends marching in unison, singing an ode to my magnificence.””That sounds… hard.””Yeah, the storming...

The meaning of life is XXXXXXXXXXX… Redaction mark? What redaction mark?

Though firm, we are never too firm, though we love fun, we never have fun in a silly way that makes us appear ridiculous, unless that is our intent.

I like gross generalizations…I also like disgusting specifics!

Masalah adalah apa yang kamu anggap masalah

I liked you, cop. From the moment I met you. No… not the first moment. I wanted to kill you when I first met you. But then I liked you. A lot.

If the world were coming to an end tomorrow, I’d probably call in sick to work.

I would have killed myself years ago if it weren’t for the fact that I’m pretty sure death is the only thing more terrible than life.

OK, maybe one iota, or two iotas at most, but definitely not three.

Nine out of ten people agree, it was right and just to kill and eat that one guy. That’s love. That’s democracy. That’s a free dinner.

Murderous thieves make their home here.” She failed to keep the tremor from her voice. “Absolutely,” Jonas replied.”Dangerous animals too.””Without a doubt.”She slanted a look toward him. “Perfect place for you.”He repressed a snort. “Oh,...

Thinking is the most overrated human activity.

19-year ninja veterans are best at representing 16-year-old cave shadows. So let us not delay in making love to the sound of clapping. Though we need no applause for our performance.

Love should be unconditional, while hair should be conditioned. Air should also be conditioned, and worn in place of hairnets.

Sometimes losing a pet is more painful than losing a human because in the case of the pet, you were not pretending to love it.

Sooner or later, most of us die from complications of being ourselves.

Well that came out horribly wrong!

it can’t be wrong, if it feels so wrong

…but freedom is scary.

If you party, then I Ben. I’ve been Benning since the beginning. If this doesn’t make sense to you, then you are not alone. And thank God, because is there any worse feeling than being...

With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress.

I don’t fear death–I fear dying before I’ve read Dickens end to end.

In an opposite universe, the iconoclast creates the icon. – Why We Couldn’t Possibly Be Living in an Opposite Universe, Reason 11.9

Or maybe nobody can fill that special place in her heart because I was nobody. And the only thing that fills a hole is a hole. And dirt.

How did you-“Fool your guards? They’re not very good, the forgot to check the ceiling for spiders.”Valek grinned. His angular face softened.

Samuel, safety is my watchword. Rest assured that proper procedures will be followed at all times.”Skipper giggled. “Tell me, Mump. What ARE proper procedures exactly?””Simple,” said Mump. “One: cause maximum chaos in the shortest possible...

I make love like I make coffins—with my bare hands, alone in my garage. On sale through Thursday—Buy One Funeral, Get A Second One Free!

Agatha had a face like an avocado, and a voice like guacamole. I know because I eat lime scented (and flavored) tortilla chips all the time (except at 4:44).

I had a dream about you, You were peeing behind a house and when I approached you, you smiled and said to me “Your face makes me happy” I was so flattered by your words...

Walk On BaikuCup in hand, he singsI pass, playing deaf. Who’s theReal street performer?

How would you feel about sharing your bed?” she asked. Tristan blinked. “Excuse me?” “He’d love to!” Gary said. Tristan shot him a look, “Good,” said Ivy, failing to notice Gary’s wink. “Ella can be...

Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there’s no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.