Girls at war opt for a quieter cruelty than fistfights and drive-by shootings. Girls circumvent the corporeal and go straight for each other’s souls. The bleeding is harder to stanch.

I don’t embark on journeys like the bark of a dog, but more like the bark of a tree. The path to love winds through a densely wooded forest.

Cara, in the lead, came to a halt beside them, looking from one to the other. “Still with the clothes, Lord Rahl?

The statements I provided under oath were not false, they were substantially mispronounced.

If your favorite politician got ran over by a bus, I’d express my condolences by telling you I know how you feel. Why just the other day I ran over a rat, and I felt...

I dreamed I was buying new shoes last night,” said Ron. “What d’ya think that’s gonna mean?””Probably that you’re going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something,” said Harry.

Being a pumpkinhead is great.””Your HEAD is PUMPKIN.

I can kick the can down the road, and I can also kick other modal verbs.

Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray.

Masalah adalah apa yang kamu anggap masalah

He’s one fry short of a Happy Meal.

To some dogs I don’t like cats, to some cats I don’t like dogs, and to some people I don’t like. Mostly the people I don’t like are lawyers, lobbyists, and politicians.

Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Brian Williams Week” Now that NBC is giving him a sixth month “leave” I wonder if he will be “Killing Time-In Saudi Arabia!

But maybe we could turn it into a three-part date? Start tonight? End Friday?

33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins.

Thinking is the most overrated human activity.

Birds don’t sing after a storm, they sing before the next one.

Love is a speedy bird that looks like a fish. If you catch one in the sky, try not to drown.

Harry and Hermione are very platonic friends. But I won’t answer for anyone else, nudge-nudge wink-wink!

I told them he’d be able to get you to go out.” Rianne folded her winnings and tucked the bills into her blazer pocket. “Look at him.””He’s right here, Ri,” Carla murmured, shooting Keenan an...

With gift giving, if it’s the thought that counts, then a picture of a Mercedes is just as good as an actual Mercedes. With my new camera, I can’t wait to show you how much...

Have lube, will travel.

…but freedom is scary.

I’m not even going to be able to attend the burial. Humans get upset when vampires burst into flames right next to them.

It’s disturbing to me that criminals are freely roaming the streets of our nation’s capital. I’m not talking about escaped prison inmates—I’m talking about politicians.

Olga was better, in the sun, where he could see every pore in her skin. Get closer. Feel her next to him. It was all he wanted in the world. It was the last thing...

Without hesitation but with a sense of entitlement, he lifted my hand to his lips. He was gentlemen-like in every way… I don’t know why I wondered if it was an act or for real.

We pass Tinsley’s Fried Chicken with the big sign that reads, TRY OUR BIG, JUICY BREASTS.

Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year.

Samuel, safety is my watchword. Rest assured that proper procedures will be followed at all times.”Skipper giggled. “Tell me, Mump. What ARE proper procedures exactly?””Simple,” said Mump. “One: cause maximum chaos in the shortest possible...

An older, inebriated Scot who looked like he’d been sitting on his barstool all day looked me up and down, then smelled the air. “Heh, neebr, goat a deid an’mal in yer bac’pac, or iz...

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent.

I’m dying!” Malfoy yelled, as the class panicked. “I’m dying, look at me! It’s killed me!

Medusa isn’t a rodent. She’s an erinaceid.

At some point, our lips met and it was perhaps the most wonderful thing I’d ever experienced. And truly, I guess there wasn’t just one kiss, but several. A polite frenzy. A mass migration of...

I’m reminded of a story I told my 5th grade class in the 4th grade.

And I thought kitty liter was the unlawful practice of discarding small felines along the roadside.

A horse must be a bit mad to be a good cavalry mount, and its rider must be completely so.

There also wasn’t one single bit of grass or dirt outside the airport. Even the median strip was a concrete sidewalk. Where did Atlanta’s pet travelers pee? Maybe city dogs just learned to use the...

If you were me, then I’d be you, and if I were you, then I’d hide somewhere far away.

So let me get this straight. You were living in a tent in the woods, but now you’re living with Prince Charming and anger management boy? SERIOUSLY?!

It may be prodigious, but it’s all Greek to me!

Everything was fine, would continue to be fine, would eventually get even better as long as the supermarket did not slip.

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.

WINE! Because these problems aren’t going to forget THEMSELVES!

I like movies that keep me guessing until the end. I always guess flowers, because no matter what type of movie, whether romance, mystery, or horror, nobody suspects the flowers.

She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.-Artemis Fowl

What the hell is a SpongeBob?” Ty asked Zane quietly in the backseat.

I would eat my soup in silence, but it’s alphabet soup. They’re all capital letters and they are shouting at me. I’m not anorexic or illiterate, so alphabet soup is like a nourishing novel. An...