Vivi muito tempo no mundo das pessoas grandes. Vi-as de bem perto.Não fiquei com muito melhor opinião delas.

Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior.”- Hun, A. T.

I love nature. It beats having to flush.

College = A place where you spend a ton of money for a piece of paper that says you’re qualified.

It is a strange thing that the human species can only go three days without water and three weeks without food, before the body dies. Yet, so many people can go years hanging onto pain...

People say, ‘I’m going to sleep now,’ as if it were nothing. But it’s really a bizarre activity. ‘For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I’m going to become unconscious, temporarily losing...

I have a whisper like a zipper. Your secret is safe in my pants.

If Makar Denisych was just a clerk or a junior manager, then no one would have dared talk to him in such a condescending, casual tone, but he is a ‘writer’, and a talentless mediocrity!People...

I support zero tolerance. But I draw the line at negative integers.

A romantic man often feels more uplifted with two women than with one: his love seems to hit the ideal mark somewhere between two different faces.

If you don’t fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working

Where have all the Fembots gone?

A brick could be used to knock out the tooth of a giant, and then used as a replacement for that very tooth it knocked out. I’ll tell you what, you knock it out, and...

For the longest time I thought I was blind, until I realized my eyelids were just shut. So I unzipped my pants and got on with my life. After I quit the Helen Keller Society,...

Enjoy your Evening.””That will depend on the menu. If it’s beef, it will be a tolerable meal. If it’s chicken…” Elliot shuddered. “What is the point of chicken?””Eggs?

It’s a moot point whether your ass needs kicking, if kicking needs your ass.

#Networking is people looking for people looking for people. As for me, I’m more of a birdwatcher.

Yo no creo en brujas, pero que las hay, las hay.

Positiveness is not a god gift. Things are negative when you realize that frog inside you is not able to jump high.

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do,...

The easiest way to hide your gold is to disguise it as Spanish bullion and store it on the bottom of the ocean floor.

We have to destroy the radioactive brain of Madame Curie.

Saw a headline: ‘World’s Ugliest Dog Dead.’ Not believing it for one minute.

Bercelak’s kin kept themselves busy by sharpening weapons, reading, talking, or setting things on fire with small bursts of flame.

Advice is bullshit. It’s just one asshole’s opinion.

The good part about having a mental disorder is having a valid reason for all the stupid things we do because of a damaged prefrontal cortex. However, the best part is seeing someone completely sane...

Are you okay?” It’s like asking someone if they think you look fat. You’re almost guaranteed to get a lie.

The only way I’ll play beer pong is if the room was a sterile room, the table was stainless steel sprayed down with disinfectant, the ball brand new, and everybody playing wore gloves and hairnets...

If he’s like any other man I’ve ever met, it’s not my smile he’s going to be looking at.

I must confess that most modern mysticism seems to me to be simply a method of imparting useless knowledge in a form that no one can understand

I’ll give you the key to my heart, if you promise not to make duplicates.

I don’t need anything to get high. I’m high on life.

The pen is mightier than the sword unless it’s a real sword in which case the guy with the pen should run away fast.

You can build with brick, and you can also destroy with a brick.

A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry.

Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake.

For the first time I realized I could be more than a crawling little pile of bones and flesh in a onesie.

How is that . . .” Braith shook her head. She wouldn’t go from arguing with one idiot to arguing with three.

I totally carpe-d the snot out of this diem!

We are what no one wants to miss at the party. I act delighted, but I have zero interest in these Capitol people. They are only distractions from the food.

I shouldn’t believe anything I say, if I were you-and that includes what I just told you.

I love the world, just, you know…not the people in it.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.

Secret 18033-3. If the key to her heart is 128 bits or greater, you’re probably wasting your time.

My heart hated her, but my penis loved her. Taken together, I felt normal.

I’m a kindhearted but highly competitive pragmatist. When I seek to win something, I always make certain it’s never at the expense of anything more serious than the inadequate efforts of others.

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT...

Americans are self-reliant—on the government.

My first coaching experience led to a 77-0 defeat. But that’s not so bad, considering I taught the team one important thing: the value of cheating.

Nothing says you care like sending someone a kitten.