Alas! Charles made the promise glibly, and forgot all about it.

A brick could be used to manipulate people into doing what you want. If anything could offer one man an unfair advantage over another, it’s a brick—especially if that brick is made of gold.

Not everyone who stares likes us; we may look weird enough to get everyone’s attention.

With one blanket, you and I could wrap up like a burrito. Yum. And if you want melted cheese, just fart a bit.

In one of his puckish moods Saul talked the president of a university into letting him anonymously take an examination being administered to candidates for a doctorate in community organization. “Three of the questions were...

A brick could be used as an AFD, or Atmospheric Floating Device, whose sole function is to make people ask WTF?

I like gross generalizations…I also like disgusting specifics!

A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket.

The uniform enhanced his athletic body, and my thoughts drifted to how magnificent he would look with his uniform puddled around his feet.

Built.” Similarly, a brick is complete in and of itself, but it is also a part of the process of building, and a part of the end result, a newly constructed built.

Unexpected Elizabeth wasn’t falling into his arms as he’d anticipated, even after he had acted heroic and been valiantly injured. Perhaps he had lost her.

I pee whilst seated. But it’s hard to focus with people honking at me.

Wisdom of the Ages: “Rainier” A beer and a mountain. You drink enough of one and the next day you feel like you fell off the other.All next week Wisdom of the Ages will be...

It’s funny how different people are. If I’d been this kid and someone was snarling “Ordering a pizza?” at me, without even thinking, I would have snarled back “Yeah. You want pepperoni?”-Maximum Ride

Bryan helped me up. “How can you be so good one minute then clumsy the next?”I shrugged. “I’ve never been very athletic. Not unless you count fencing.””You made fences?

I’m the kind of guy who turns my fan on in winter, only to then go and add another blanket on top of my bed. I practice inefficiency even while I sleep, so I’ll be...

This was sharing office space with wacko and bordering on ludicrous.

Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.

…leaning down for a quick peck on Jeff’s lips, and then he starts squirming and rearranging and manhandling until somehow they end up with Dan in the middle, Jeff stretched out on his left side,...

A brick could be used as a pillow, if you first wrap it with a blanket. But if you’re shivering from being cold, don’t worry—I’ll cover you with my naked body.

The plot thickens!” Gabby exclaimed for comedic relief.

A brick could be used to prop open the door to my heart. But you might not want to leave the Love Door open, because my ex just shit all in there.

your loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love.

I feel like I’m going to die,’ he says.‘Could we talk for a few minutes before you die?’‘Only if you do it quietly.’‘I met this girl last night. I need your advice.’‘Come back later.’‘No. You...

Mrs. Winalski owned a candy-apple-red 1965 Mustang GT convertible, and she drove it like she could die at any minute and needed to get five things done before that happened.

As a kid my heart would break for the villains.

Objection!” Metz shouts.Grounds?” the judge asks.Well…he’s my witness!

A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the clay tablets, and each broken fragment should be roughly 140 characters.

Are you cag mag [crazy]? If a bear was his Milk Giver, you think he’s scared of the raghnaid?

My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

The apex of mathematical achievement occurs when two or more fields which were thought to be entirely unrelated turn out to be closely intertwined. Mathematicians have never decided whether they should feel excited or upset...

Oh, hey, kettle, I’m pot and wow, you’re black.” – Owen

With a nod, Thorne started down the street. ‘This way.’ Five steps later, he paused, pondered, turned around. ‘No, no, this way.’ ‘We’re dead.’ ‘No, I’ve got it now. It’s this way.’ ‘Don’t you have...

Who knew Demon Child would have such a normal name? I expected something exotic like Serena or Destiny or the Evil One That Comes in the Night to Make Us Chilly.

It doesn’t matter if it’s the real world or fictional,” I insisted. “Crushes are the best part of liking someone, and they are completely safe. You get all the benefits of fantasising about someone, but...

…What do you do with all your money?””Me and the French hoard gold.

Every now and then you get a nice Jewish kid who likes black people and they would come in, and it would be a stream of them, and have black friends and really feel the...

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.

Seriously, it’s like watching mild porn, watching you two eye fuck each other every two seconds.

He slowed down a bit more. “Gaia, how do you know these things?” She shrugged. “I’m smart.” “And modest, too.” “Modesty is a waste of time,” she pronounced. “I’ll keep that in mind.

While death is sadly inevitable, our grief will soon pass like a swallowed penny through one’s bowels.Painful change just takes time.

My nickname isn’t Scarface—it’s Scarf Ace. I make knitted neck warmers like I make love—one grandmother at a time.

It’s Diet Coke. And if anyone ever serves you brown wine with a foamy head, send it back.

The rabbit of Easter. He bring of the chocolate.

Hayır ya, hayır! Seks olmadan yaşamak. Bak düşün! Diyorum ki kötü bir şey olmasa. Misal, belki de çayı şekersiz içmek gibi. Başlarda acıdır, ama şekerli içtiğin yıllarda çayın tadını aslında hiç almadığını fark edersin ve...

I thanked the lucky stars for my great metabolism, because Karsen had showed me pictures of her mom once and it was scary the transformation she underwent after popping three kids out. She went from...

It’s between one and a lot,” he added, helpfully.

He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.

We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.