Adam’s hot Pheebs! Admit it girl. That body is like some kind of happy experiment. It’s like he was manufactured in a nympho scientist’s secret laboratory

It was all Mrs. Bumble. She would do it,” urged Mr. Bumble; first looking round, to ascertain that his partner had left the room.That is no excuse,” returned Mr. Brownlow. “You were present on the...

Kicking a police car? Really?’ Caleb shrugged. ‘Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do?

what’s meant for you will reach you in time, and if you embrace it with your arms wide open it might just stay with you forever and bless you with more happiness than you could...

It kind of struck me how great it would be to go out with a guy that size. And if you, you know, got tired of dating him, you could always use him as a...

You’re boring me, M’Ordant. Go away.” V’Aidan”You can’t be bored.” M’Ordant”And a good thing, too, since I’d no doubt perish from it while in your company.” V’Aidan

Why had his mother gone to the trouble of bringing him into the world if the most exciting moment in his life was having been made lame by a bayonet?

Stupid Romanian bloodsucker. He was lucky I hadn’t bestowed another exalted scar on his imperial body.

SUBJECT: Real originalDear Dark Assholes,I get the point. Showing me that you know how to log onto a computer and utilize Google must’ve taken some pretty keen strategizing on your part.Really, really cool trick. Now...

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Don’t confuse efforts with results….

It really seems to me that in the midst of great tragedy, there is always the horrible possibility that something terribly funny will happen.

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

Pops added,”you know, they say if you don’t vote, you get the government you deserve.””And if you do, you never get the results you expected,” (Katherine) replied.

You humans, always eating. I’ll make you soup. You can eat it while you keep working.” Myrnin set aside his book and walked into the back of the lab.”Don’t use the same beaker you used...

The butcher died, and he requested to be cremated. But I don’t want to burn him, because I like my meat medium rare.

I wish my nose would blow me for once.

Sei: The Kudzu snacks were so good I had two and a half bowls but seeing you eat 16 and a half bowls was disgusting. I sriously considered killing you.Okita: You’re horrible! Besides then I’d...

Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!

No such word as can’t. No such word as babagoozle neither!

CONFESSION NO. 18 Girls just want to have fun…and live to tell about it the next day.

Corvid looked up at her. “Oh, hello Doris.””Gertie, dear,” she said. “They call me Gertie.””You used to be Doris,” Corvid said as a matter of fact.”Who?” She seemed unsure of what she was being told.”Doris,...

That’s not even a word,” He complained and fell into a sulky silence from his place on the bed.

I was not born with English in my pocket.

Sweetie, this is Hell. We invented paperwork.

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.

It was me–a dangerous cocktail of pissed off and hurt.”–Ember (Darkness Of Light)

Remember what?” And that’s precisely my point—you can’t even remember what you can’t remember, and I’m here with a blanket to help. So scoot over and let me lay in your bed with you.

What I’d like to read is a scientific review, by a scientific psychologist–if any exists–of ‘A Scientific Man and the Bible’. By what route do otherwise sane men come to believe such palpable nonsense? How...

I mean, what are they scared of? Who’s going to vote for anyone from the Communist Party, for God’s sake?

A blanket could be used like a cat, if it were furry and purred.

IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I’LL KILL YOU, HARRY!

Your perception is riveting, Amal,” he says in a bored and sarcastic tone, dropping the note down on my desk. “It’s comforting to know that there are people in my class who have the maturity...

It’s not because I want to make out with her.”Hold on.” He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he’d just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at...

My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.

Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I’ll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I’ve never found an easy way.

He thought it was kind of funny. He said he’s known now. I told him he could probably go to Hollywood now and become a movie star.

A brick could be used to win the love of a beautiful girl. The trick to getting it to work is just trying it again and again until you get the desired results.

I’ve decided I don’t like books that end with ‘The End’. The fact that there are no more pages, suggests to me that the book has ended.

That cat doesn’t have a lick of sense,’ I said, sighing.Well, honey, he’s not right in the head,’ Dad said, flipping his cigarette into the front yard.I glared at him. ‘And just what do you...

A brick could be used to wade into dangerous territory with a man named Wade who builds houses made only of wood. But if you’re going to play with fire, I suggest you wear a...

The last I knew you were going to a party. just a few friends at the McEvoys’ you told me. The science club, you told me. What happened? You got into a fight about the...

I should have to get over my aversion to killing people.” -Rupert and Daphne

A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid, wait up a second!

HAMLET I will receive it sir with all diligence of spirit. Put your bonnet to his right use, ’tis for the head.OSRIC I thank you lordship, it is very hot.HAMLET No believe me, ’tis very...

Sim sighed. “like Ross always said: Wish in one hand,shit in the other,and see which hand fills up first.

A brick could be used to stop a tornado, unlike a mobile home, which only acts like a tornado magnet and seems to increase its power.

A cemetery?” I chuckle, but the pitch is a bit higher than I expected. “At night? With a full moon? Um … did you see any, uh, zombies, you, while you were there?”Shiko blinks at...

Not gonna happen!” I spat, squeezing him possessively. Three sets of widened eyes fixed on me. That’s when I realized that what I had a firm grip on was no longer his hand.

A brick could be given as a graduation gift to a C student. It’s like here, welcome to a life in the construction industry.