The only way I’ll play beer pong is if the room was a sterile room, the table was stainless steel sprayed down with disinfectant, the ball brand new, and everybody playing wore gloves and hairnets...

Agreed,” I say. “It’s going to be a long hour.””Maybe not that long,” says Peeta.” what was that you were saying just before the food arrived? Something about me … no competition … best thing...

Idiot,” I said, before grinning broadly and crushing his mouth to mine. “We need to pick new pet names for each other,” he muttered as I hefted myself up from the ground.

Schrödinger’s cat was a Siamese cat, must have been, because if it’s at once alive and dead, it’s a zombie, and the only zombie cats are Siamese cats.

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

Birds don’t sing after a storm, they sing before the next one.

With a palindrome of a name, like Bob, I’d be both right thinking and dyslexic. Would you love me more as a Bob, or as a Bob?

I used to dress up and impersonate our next-door neighbor, Miss Cox. She wore rubber boots, a wool hat, and her nose always dripped.

Dear Edmond,When I got home last night I noticed that you were asleep. I also noticed that you had gone to Morton’s Steakhouse and there were leftovers in the fridge. Renaldo and Ruprecht were asleep,...

I got an ‘A’ in Business Marketing in college!- as if that means a goddamn thing in the real world…

Two-thirds of all preachers, doctors and lawyers are hanging on to the coat tails of progress, shouting, whoa! while a good many of the rest are busy strewing banana peels along the line of march.

I gave blood today. It came gushing out of my nose. And anus.

I don’t like Dijon or honey mustard. No, the only kind of mustard I like is #FFFF00 mustard.

A brick is a mythical object that empowers its handler and enables them to conquer the world and control the globe through secret occult knowledge. Just ask the Masons.

Probably more than any concrete vice or failing Amory despised his own personality – he loathed knowing that to-morrow and the thousand days after he would sell pompously at a compliment and sulk at an...

An anniversary is the perfect time to celebrate all the missed opportunities to correct a mistake, and even take vows to renew it.

BE REALBring it on-And let truth be my existence.Value my life-And tell me like it is.Bark at me when I’m wrong-And hug me when I’m right.Praise me if I succeed-And tell me if I fail.Laugh...

Where does love reveal itself? In beds, sofas, bathtubs – each section of a department store has its advantages.

Yes, I am.” I’m the kind of lover who’d wear a unicycle to a tricycle convention for hitchhikers.

Modern wife: A position thought to require great ambition to fill. After initially showing some skill at a maid service or department store, the husband takes her home to find that she has risen too...

I lay warm in bed like a melted marshmallow in a graham cracker. I really wish my blanket wasn’t so rigid and crumbly.

Intelligent life on other planets? I’m not even sure there is on earth!

A blanket could be hooked to ropes and attached to the body of a swimmer in training, to provide resistance and increase strength and endurance. Those very same ropes could be used to tie me...

Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

I went to the priest for confession, but he didn’t do it.

Erm…I don’t know maybe for kissing me and tasting so damn delicious, maybe for holding my hand in public, maybe for looking far too hot in that sexy, snug tee when you should just be...

Sir Henry fixed him with a keen eye.’Odd name, Tom Skatt – eh?”Thats right”You don’t think we could be related?’Tom looked up at his great-great-great-uncle and smiled.’I don’t think so”No,’ grinned Sir Henry “no, of...

Parkour is non-contact.”I felt my face redden. How was I supposed to know all that guy crap?

I need a camera shutter on my penis hole. That way I could photograph political corruption from the inside.

Asked in 1919 whether it was true that only three people in the world understood the theory of general relativity, [Eddington] allegedly replied: ‘Who’s the third?

That’s all right,” she told him. “I can manage. I can sleep outside just fine.”Four pairs of eyes looked at her with a distinctly male skepticism.

If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.

We walked on the moon. We made footprints somewhere no one else had ever made footprints, and unless someone comes and rubs them out, those footprints will be there forever because there’s no wind.

I was shy,” said six-foot-one of bashful male. He grunted as a sharp, feminine elbow thudded inconspicuously into his side.

Gloves are condoms for the hands. My bare handshake might impregnate you.

The scientist believes in proof without certainty, the bigot in certainty without proof.

Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man.

Story Content Warning: There will be angst, sex, a little rough language and rampant lesbianism. If this is not your cup of tea, don’t drink it. If you are not old enough to read this,...

In Jacksonville, there are more childrenless children than fatherless children. Barely. But that’s one bad thing that’s actually a good thing.

Though Alec had never seen the occupants of the first floor loft, they seemed to be engaged in a tempestuous romance. Once there had been a bunch of someone’s belongings strewn all over the landing...

The three of us made love like one of us was a voyeur. I was the only one using binoculars as a sex toy.

But you see, a rich country like America can perhaps afford to be stupid.

Screw sharks; a Transformer could be stretching up on its tippy toes and would still have a mile of cover to eat me.

I suggested she write down her thoughts” He said, “and, well, my daughter is a very thorough woman.””I can see that” Waxillium said.”I suggest that you never ask her to pass the milk” Wayne added...

Advice about love: When the green grape turns red, it’s time to separate the socks from the mittens.

Well, I’m sure there are people of Turkish origin wouldn’t want to do that, but external forces would try to influence the situation in Turkey.

I think we all should be in love once in our lifetime, even if we’re in love with someone who’s not alive in our lifetime. Long distance relations are hard, especially when you’re separated by...

I want to be a man of mountaintops: to scale the heights, achieve a sublime transcendence, and breathe in the thin air. Transcendence requires suffocation.

The thing we have in common is we both love to make love. Maybe one day we can merge our mutual interest and make love to each other.

always schedule your comeback.