Come on, Princess,” he called to the bench, and Carlotta bounced up. She was wide like the rest of them, but no man could fairly say she was too wide. The most that could be...

There’s a FEW THINGS you need to get STRAIGHT about being GAY…” “That’s an OXYmoron.””You’ll be an OXYmoron if you don’t listen. GAY men SUCK and FUCK. They don’t go around falling in LOVE. At...

My friends mess around with my friends—and my friends’ bikes. Sex with bicycles—that kind of love is just too fast for me. I’ll stick to sticking it in statues.

The power of the man, with a mind shut down. The strength of the super human. The survival of the species. The deafness of a beast. That’s the power of the penis.

I had a dream about you. I was a sleeping bag salesman, and you sold insomnia. I tried talking you into selling sex instead, because that way we could sell combo packages. But you said...

I had a dream last night I was on tinder and all the picks were me in make up I was like she’s hot I’d do her. I just walked into my therapist office.

I wonder if babies could be made more efficiently on a conveyer belt.

When sex is Freon any occasion, it usually involves something dripping and toxic. At least that’s what my mechanic tells me.

Too bad my car key won’t start my house. And to answer your unasked question, no you can’t use my toaster like a dual vagina. At least not for the two-for-one price. That price only...

Rain is a nudist’s shower, and I want a bathtub the size of a lake. Then we could make love like your parents did that one time, nine months before your birth.

I need to go to the store and pick up some condoms. But first I need to pick up some women.

I’ll sit on a soda and drink a sofa. It’s just healthier. You should see how I make love. Show starts at 8:00. Tickets are ten bucks at the window.

We made love like two folding lawn chairs. We were both motionless, but the possibility of movement permeated the moment.

I had some good sex last night. How do I know it was good? Because I was participating, and not just a passive spectator and photographer.

Forget cloning. I can make people. It’s called sex, and it’s more fun than science.

A valise without straps. A hole without a key. She had a German mouth, French ears, Russian ass. Cunt international. When the flag waved it was red all the way back to the throat. You...

Faster’s always better, but you have to mind those curves. They’re wicked. They can kill a man in a heartbeat.

Sometimes I get real lonely sleeping with you.

Più io sono goffo avvicinandomi a lei e più, ne sono sicuro, lei è contenta. È il mio turbamento che osserva piuttosto di pensare al suo piacere, quell’attimo in cui per un miracolo che si...

In his mind he saw them standing with the tips of their organs pressed together ejaculating into each other’s penis.

The Irish people didn’t get on that well with each other either. They hated the Catholics, was the main issue, as I see. You can’t blame them for that. If I understand correctly, Catholics do...

And even though they had not had sex yet, he was a great lover, replacing sex with the science of bravery and inner strength. Meredith had always wanted a man with this kind of depth.

You let me set the water in the shower, and followed me into the booth to stand there with me under the warm spray. You kept your head down, not looking me in the eyes—though...

I was sixteen and my mother was about to throw me out of the house forever, for breaking a very big rule, even bigger than the forbidden books. The rule was not just No Sex,...

And that beautiful face is going to be clamped between my legs as soon as we get home, don’t you worry.

Later I would come to believe that erotic ties were all a spell, a temporary psychosis, even a kind of violence, or at least they coexisted with these states. I noted that criminals as well...

Sports is to war as pornography is to sex.

If you can’t sublimate your fear of mortality into sex with your best friend, what’s it there for?

Her heart unfolded in her chest, took in all of him, and closed tightly, unwilling to let him go

Evan nuzzled his chin into the crook of Dan’s neck, finding the spot that always made Dan squirm and laugh. “I love you, Danny.””You gets so fucking sappy after I let you top,” Dan responded,...

There was a part of me that was so horny, I wanted to climb on top of Randall on the first date. But there was also a part of me that was so terrified, I...

I wiped my jaw with a forearm, half imagining that I could still feel the product of the quickie out back of the bar.

No matter what happened, there was always one thing Isla could rely on: the sheer arrogance of male wolves. That, and their overriding assumption all females found them irresistible and were desperate to get them...

The idea makes you laugh, and you’re instantly sympathetic. We’ve all lived through that moment where we had sex for the first time. You’re terrified, so the idea of a guy so scared he let...

What Hans had intended to end at a simple kiss quickly escalated into something neither one of them seemed able to stop.

Ohmygod, please do this more, and by more I mean all the time.” And the more you please her, the more she’ll want to do it with you. It’s a win-win!

Anger is like sex urge, once gratified, the inner voice calls you a stinking fool.

No, this wasn’t just about sex, but for the next hour or so, it was going to be mostly about sex.

If our sex life were determined by our first youthful experiments, most of the world would be doomed to celibacy. In no area of human experience are human beings more convinced that something better can...

You can deduct it from my slow and painful death.

A sex symbol? A symbol of sex? I don’t think that I am a sex symbol, although it’s very flattering. I’m 59, now, so I think I’m possibly past my sell-by date. I think I...

Mmmm I like the sounds you’re making,” he murmured in a honeyed whisper. “I just bet that you’re a screamer. Should I have brought earplugs?Kurt Nielsen

Then, if to make your ruin more,You’ll peevishly be coy,Die with the scandal of a whoreAnd never know the joy.

I’ve had Good and I’ve had Bad, and the worst I had was Wonderful!

Butt holes are like a one-way street; they were made the way they were for a reason.

Out running errands—be back before noon. I made a list of some things I like. Check the ones you’re interested in, underline any maybes, and cross off your no’s. I’m going to do two of...

Whilst lovers: to control her man, a woman uses (the man’s access to) her vagina. When ex-lovers: she uses (the man’s access to) their kids.

People who concern themselves with the rights of other adults who engage in consensual acts involving sex, love, and/or eating croissants together are damaged and in pain.

Sex and excretion are reminders that anyone’s claim to round-the-clock dignity is tenuous. The so-called rational animal has a desperate drive to pair up and moan and writhe.

Sex Games: What Men Really Think About Sex Partners (Sexuality, Cheating