It was not very long afterwards that Michael woke up one morning with a curious feeling inside him. He knew, the moment he opened his eyes, that something was wrong but he was not quite...

Let’s see,” mused the dragon, “that doesn’t tell us much, does it? What sort of a word is this? Is it an epithet, do you think?”Gawaine could do no more than nod.”Why, of course,” exclaimed...

I once saw a cockroach try to step on a politician, because it thought it was vile and disgusting.

I say, thirteen is too many dogs for good mental health. Five is pretty much the limit. More than five dogs and you forfeit your right to call yourself entirely sane.Even if the dogs are...

Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

I would have stolen it for you, had I known you were interested.” His voice was muffled by the door to the lumber room down the hallway, and I heard thumps and a crash.I raised...

You should really be more careful who you let put their hands on you.” A silky male voice hummed as hot, minty breath wafted around her ear and danced slowly across her nose. Sera inhaled...

I’ve already got protection.” Then I showed him how I wear a rubber glove over my penis, with my shaft sliding perfectly in the pinky finger slot.

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

…it was another year or two before I discovered that drat and draft were different words. During that same period I remember believing that details were dentals and that a bitch was an extremely tall...

SciFi: When there’s a serious problem and everyone decides to solve it sensibly.

I won’t do it if you’d enjoy it.

A brick could be used to disguise the fact that I’m blushing. Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed! Don’t look at the rose of my ears, look at the rouge of the construction cube.

Good art is like a sexy pair of lips—it has the potential to say so much, but prefers to have you do all the talking about it. Also, good art is fun to kiss and...

Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win.

i find nothing more depressing than optimism.

We had a whirlwind romance. That’s what happens when you date a tornado. Hold on, I have to stop tweeting for a bit because Kansas keeps calling.

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.

I can’t drop it. It’s how I’m drawn.

It took a qualified wizard to detect a summoning in progress. It required only a half-literate idiot with a twitch of power and a dim idea of how to use it to attempt one. Before...

Both were military. That was clear.Reacher could tell by their haircuts. No civilian barber would be as pragmatic or as brutal.

I was told very sternly at the hospital to avoid boys at all costs. Mess up your levels.””Oh, they do that!” Amy laughs. “Probably best to leave them alone for a while. The secret, though,...

You may be ugly, son, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be rich. In fact, it kind of means you have to be rich. At least if you don’t want to be asexual and alone...

And if you say that’s because you lot barged into her home like a herd of mentally deficient sheep, I’m disowning all three of you.

Good. Because you’re the only girl I’ve ever had the urge to love.

It was supposed to say “Great Artist” on my tombstone, but if I died right now it would say “such a good teacher/daughter/friend” instead; and what I really want to shout, and want in big...

Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.

It’s so hard to believe in anything anymore. I mean, it’s like, religion, you really can’t take it seriously, because it seems so mythological, it seems so arbitrary…but, on the other hand, science is just...

I was part of a focus group once, but to be honest, I couldn’t concentrate.

I think that’s possibly the nicest thing you have said to me. Ever.”I laughed. “No it’s not. I’ve said nice things to you before.””Like what?”There had to be another situation when I’d said something nice....

A brick could be used to make yourself taller. It’s like self-esteem, only easier to use in the construction of a house.

I had a dream about you. We were trying to come up with a hashtag to market our relationship. I suggested #fourlipsonekiss and #twomouthsonevoice, but you went with something confusing like #idontloveyou and #wearenotinarelationship.

It is time to buddle (scrub in water) all that is not illutile (unwash-awayable). Baudelaire said that humans were deluded if they thought they could wash away all their spots with vile tears, but Baudelaire...

The sheep, I guess demented with love, didn’t object to this at all. Casimir somehow found time to pull up some grass for it, and it lay down and munched its grass and then chewed...

If I could bottle kindness, I wonder if formaldehyde would preserve it.

Oh, hell, he’d look hot in a chicken suit.

From the moment I was first pregnant, and those around me insisted that treats such as cold cuts and nail polish could cut my unborn child’s potential IQ in half, I got into the habit...

One can never have enough socks

I dreamt it in my dream. You tried to steal my dream—the whole thing. But even though it was a dream, it was still too heavy for you to lift.

That’s the thing with Holy Moses: big as a house and scary as heck if you don’t know him, but Charley Manson and his whole family could come parading through here and he’d give them...

Let me tell you something, honey. When your boobs fall south and that pretty skin of yours looks like you’ve been tanning in a nuclear war zone, you’ll see what I mean about independence. When...

You’re still a little shy, I see, the wizard noted. I think if you ignore evil, my friend, it tends to grow stronger. (Quinhelm, the wizard – from BRIGGEN)

Love is a gift you receive by giving. The more love you give, the more love you get. Try it out today, and try it out with me. Go ahead—give me all your love.

I love books, by the way, way more than movies. Movies tell you what to think. A good book lets you choose a few thoughts for yourself. Movies show you the pink house. A good...

Whatever happens, we have gotThe Maxim gun, and they have not.

01210 is a pyramid, & worms move like handicapped snakes. My dream belongs in a wheelchair, because I just spilled coffee all over my sleep.

I’m probably something like 95% chicken nugget

I like the sound of that, crashing Monica’s party,” he glanced at Michael, then quickly away. “What about you? That break some kind of vampire rules or something?””Blow me Shane.””Boys,” Eve said primly. “Language. Minor...

I had a dream about you. We couldn’t decide on a sunrise. You wanted a tan, I only cared about the view. Then World War III fulfilled both our desires.

We’re all trying to come to terms with our mortality. Well, except for me, because I plan to live forever through the miracle of cloning.