Some are born great. Some achieve greatness. Some get it as a graduation gift.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs.

You want a piece of me?

See what I mean? You gotta be crazy. Ain’t no time to be sane.

Spring is nature’s way of saying, “Let’s party!

seize the day, because believe it or not, each and every one of us in this room is one day going to stop breathing, turn cold and die

Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!

You can fool some of the people some of the time and the rest you can jerk off

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money.

The problem is, God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Cricket is baseball on Valium.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!

I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.

I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.

We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering...

You’re only given one little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.