It was comparable to getting sick from bad ventilation

I had a dream about you. When our talks ended, we left off with leftovers. I stuffed our conversation in Tupperware, but you just left it out to rot and decompose.

A blanket could be used to help me with the love and affection of Taylor Swift. If that sounds unbelievable, then try reading it soundlessly.

You had to admire a guy who called his own new book a classic before it was published and anyone else had a chance to read it.

A brick could be used as bait for the vampire shark. Since nobody’s ever seen a vampire shark, let alone caught one, I think it would be unreasonable to dismiss the idea entirely.

He couldn’t see why people made such a fuss about people eating their silly old fruit anyway, but life would be a lot less fun if they didn’t. And there was never an apple, in...

I’m a werewolf trapped in a human body.””Well, yeah, that’s kind of the definition.””No, really. I’m trapped.””Oh? When was the last time you shape-shifted?””That’s just it – I’ve never shape-shifted.””So you’re not really a werewolf.””Not...

Have an itch? Simple—rub poison ivy over the rest of your body, so that all the skin contributes its fair share to a unified, and more hopeful, future. That’s top-level political thinking right there.

There was quite a lot of competitiveness about it, with everybody wanting to beat not only cancer itself, but also the other people in the room. Like, I realize that this is irrational, but when...

When I die cremate me so I can finally fit into something small.

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

I was so getting tired of fighting for my life in the library.

I believe in love. Unfortunately, it doesn’t believe me. Lust, on the other hand, is a nagging wife poking constantly at my DNA.

I need love. Here’s a list of other things I need: eggs, butter, flour, and sugar. I’m making a cake for the woman I love—and another one for my lover.

There was nothing I could say in retaliation except something that would confuse her.

Just the way it never rains when you have an umbrella, you’ll never run into people if you look fantastic. But go outside in pajamas, and you’ll run into every ex you have.

A brick could be used as motivation to acquire more bricks. Hey, I’m just trying to help here. Don’t shut me out by building a wall between us.

Fortunately the essence of this revelation did not escape Mary despite the angel’s obscure speech, and, much surprised, she asked him, So Jesus is my son and the son of the Lord, Woman, what are...

That night we made love “the real way” which we had not yet attemptedalthough married six months.Big mystery. No one knew where to put their leg and to this day I’m not surewe got it...

I can see myself in my teacher’s eyes. I look like a pupil.

Emma: You can demand that Pettibone retain my services, but you cannot make similar demands of the parents of the students. They will not entrust the education of their daughters to a woman who has...

So I suggest you stick close, pay attention, and avoid breaking the Terrorverse’s only commandment: Thou shall not be stupid.

I’m calling it a night.” Well, what else am I going to call it? Nathan?

If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?

You have hair prettier than one of Astaad’s concubines.” Ransom gave the vampire the finger. Venom grinned.

My formula for life is very simple: in the morning, wake up; at night, go to sleep. In between I try and occupy myself as best I can.

When someone insults me, I simply shut down. Then I open back up at 9 am the next morning.

I walked back into the bedroom and, after all that, I actually was surprised. She lay on the bed, her hands nonchalantly behind her head, with the banana between her legs. Only half of it...

Whenever Elliot Norther’s wife was nervous she baked. With the murder of Harriet Mason, her husband’s close colleague at the Faculty, she had been unable to resist a couple of Victoria sponges. During the frenzied...

Don’t show me how I messed up, because I don’t need to be shown. Clearly if I’ve messed up once, I can do it again without any coaching from you.

A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn’t only represent the good things. If you burn the flag, you’re burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad...

Your timing sucks on an epic level,” Daemon shot back.

La realidad es un crimen, para ocultar uno mucho mayor.

It seems that the young woman made some indelicate suggestion of a threesome…When I got there, Miss Nash was standing by the hot tub in a small bikini, pointing the business end of a SIG-Sauer...

That bitch fate had a nasty sense of humor.

I could end the deficit in five minutes. You just pass a law that says that anytime there is a deficit of more than 3% of GDP all sitting members of congress are ineligible for...

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

The scent of your asshole smells like childhood memories. I mean it would, if I grew up in New Jersey.

He gave her a sly, sideways look. “Did youbring it?””My list? Heavens, no. What can you be thinking?”His smile widened. “I brought mine.”Daphne gasped. “You didn’t!””I did. Just to torture Mother. I’m going peruse it...

Bottles.

Love is on the move like a picture of a statue. I should know, because I painfully painted it.

Just remember, we’re all in this alone.

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

I love the Olympics, because they enable people from all over the world to come together and–regardless of their political or cultural differences–accuse each other of cheating.

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. “If I might be so bold, my lady-“”Perriwick!” Blake roared. “If I hear the phrase ‘if I might be so bold’ one more...

The very first thing I tell my new students on the first day of a workshop is that good writing is about telling the truth. We are a species that needs and wants to understand...

Hypotheses like professors, when they are seen not to work any longer in the laboratory, should disappear.

Love is nothing because those who do something for the love of it do it for nothing.

It’s kind of interesting you’re driving a car big enough for a wolfhound and a mastiff to get in the back of today,” I said.”And a greyhound, a dark brown bear, and a brindle utility...