Morris Weissman [on the phone, discussing casting for his movie]: “What about Claudette Colbert? She’s British, isn’t she? She sounds British. Is she, like, affected or is she British?

My name is Ron G. Am I wrong?

It’s not gray,” Clary felt compelled to point out. “It’s green.””If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you’d have died in childhood,” said Jace.

Way to introduce him to the vernacular, Palta.

I had a dream I was a millionaire. So I’m still in my coma don’t try and wake me.

To the champ, everything is serious business. I’m hoping that he’ll live long enough to learn that in this world that is a very dangerous attitude.

If you’re getting up to cross the Sahara, I could sure go for a bottle of water. My thirst to love you will never be quenched.

With enough coffee anything is possible

I talk about talking like I listen to listening—in a room with mirrored walls that makes me appreciate the infinity that is God.

No matter how dire a situation may be, I can always find the humor in it somewhere. If I was ever in a horror movie I would be the goofy one who doesn’t seem to...

Of course it was a terrible thing, and the world would be a much better place without someone in it who could do that, but did that mean we had to miss lunch?

Can you break my five-dollar bill into five singles? Women love guys with lots of money.

I remember the very day, sometime during the first two weeks of my five-year amorous sojourn in Brutland, when I was made privy to one of the most arcane of their utterings. The time was...

I wash my hands in the blood of grapefruit. Come, drink with me.

Peter, you’re twelve years old. I’m ten. They have a word for people our age. They call us children and they treat us like mice.

First rule of Angel Club, you do not talk about Angel Club.

You’re Valentine’s son. I’m sure you’re the one the Queen really wants to see. Besides, you’re charming. Maybe not at the moment.

Everything is perfect. Everything is fine. The rules of life are made up. The rules only exist in your mind.Of course there may be courtesies And closures and laws to abide,But the zeal with which...

If you replace the letter “s” with the letter “x,” you can make a lot of plural words naughty. For example, “fences” would become “fencex,” and I’d say good fencex makes good neighbors.

I know that look.” I put one arm out in from of me. He didn’t stop. “Chris, we have to get going.” I backed up, scooting over to put the couch between us.”What?” He feigned...

If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

I sometimes think if I did not write I would be a madwoman. Now I am a sane woman with a lot of mad pages.

Straightening, I asked, “What do you believe in?””Old love songs, best friends, the collected works of J.R.R.Tolkien, crispy pork egg rolls with just the right amount of grease, the Big Boss and eternity.””The Big Boss?”Zachary...

it’s like she knows me already.

That year the Ribeiro’s daffodils seeded early and they seeded cockroaches. Now, ecologically speaking, even a cockroach has its place — but these suckers bit. That didn’t sound Earth-authentic to me. Not that I care,...

I sleep on the coasts of my bed, but I make love in the Midwest.

If God wanted a world filled with saints, He never would have created adolescence.

If love were a color, it’d be orange. Not because that’s a romantic color, but because it’s the sweetest. If you want to know how I feel about you, I just made some juice out...

Tea no more! Down with bustles!

I’m hungry for success. And lasagna.

The right things often happen for the wrong reason.

The sh*t’s gonna splatter, start buggin, yo…”Mencheres to Cat

This was one of those times that a pint just wouldn’t cut it.

I didn’t want to go to hell, but even the idea of reclaining my halo scared me because it would mean leaving Aly.

I love in all directions, except southeast. Don’t ask me why, because I already told you where. Also, don’t ask me who, because the list of who I love is as long as a phone...

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

You’re under no obligation to accept my oppression, but it is strongly recommended. I’ll make you love me, even if I have to impoverish you and then imprison you. –Uncle Sam

I remembered that Beethoven’s symphonies had sometimes been given names… they should have call [the Fifth] the Vampire, because it simply refused to lie down and die.

Ack!” I said.Fearless master of the witty dialogue, that’s me.

I make love sensually, and without the aid of a fancy recipe. I just open the box, add water, stir a bit, and pop it in the oven.

Comamandering is not a word.It has letters, doesn’t it? Sounds like a word to me.

A good server knows how to be seen, yet remain invisible. I was a great server, and I achieved invisibility by never showing up for work. My boss ended up firing me, probably over petty...

The notion of children makes me ill. The thought of having one… when you see those guys in the supermarket, wheeling the trolley around while their brats whine and wheedle and some blundering sow questions...

When I wear my wedding ring I think of her. I also think of my wife.

¨Someday, I’m going to have to break some of your rules, Mom.¨¨I know,¨ she said. ¨Try to do it behind my back, will you?¨¨You can bet on that, Mom.¨We both sat there and laughed.

I realized then what had happened.She had turned us–all of us, except for Mouse–into great, gaunt, long-legged hounds.Wonderful!” Lea said, pirouetting upon one toe, laughing. “Come, children!” And she leapt off into the jungle, nimble...

We made love like an earthquake, which was nice because neither one of us had to do any work.

In the long second before everyone absorbs what just happened, I see the angel rolling his eyes heavenward, like a teenager in the presence of overwhelming lameness. Some people just have no sense of gratitude.

…hanging out does not make one an artist. A secondhand wardrobe does not make one an artist. Neither do a hair-trigger temper, melancholic nature, propensity for tears, hating your parents, nor even HIV – I...

Immy knocked on his open door. “Mr. Mallett?”The look on his narrow face was pained. “What’s with the Mr. Mallett? When you don’t call me Mike, it’s usually trouble.